#that was a bit mean I apologize to any proud english person

[elurinwolfang]

YO! Guess what's coming soon ;) "soon" is a lie cuz I'm slow af and of course I had to go and draw a whole group pose (yes, I make 99% of my problems) SO ANYWAYS STAY TUNED FOR MORE!! :D ☀️ (if u want to 👉🏻👈🏻)

[marrow-bone]

I mean, this can be true, probably even usually, but I think part of what makes this uncomfortable is saying 'need'. Saying everyone needs to encounter cruelty over their creativity to improve it is kinda... Bleak... And intentional or not seems to be endorsing snide, unasked for criticism.

Unwanted and meanspirited feedback is absolutely not good for the soul in every instance. Not everyone needs some sort of trial by fire by virtue of sharing a project. Many of us are just trying to have fun, which can be easily ruined by this kind of thing. Some of us are dealing with legitimately fucked up shit in our real lives and are dealing with it with creativity, and trying to share what they worked on in good faith. If I shared something I wrote about dealing with chronic illness, abuse, and the death of a family member for free without the indication for criticism and someone operating under this attitude (seen as acceptable to them, because they saw it being seen as acceptable in the culture) comes and bullies me, then I'm either not sharing my work or writing again, which won't make me a better writer.

I think the main point is good. That the positive of mean comments can be improvement. But no way should it be implied that it is acceptable or even beneficial to make these comments, and it shouldn't be seen as acceptable to tolerate this kind of treatment of oneself or of others.

I'd miles and away prefer to see more spontaneous creativity, then see way less but it's only by people deemed fit enough to 'take it'.

my toxic opinion is that to be a good writer you need some really really mean feedback. if its right then it makes you better if its wrong then you're forced to defend yourself which in turn helps you understand your own work better and realise what it's setting out to do

[evilfrogcereal29]

Hubby!Gromsko x GN!reader

Pspspspsps gromsko enjoyers, here's your food.

No fr tho there is sooo little content for the grommie-guy, even tho im not super confident on how I write him yet, I wanna give all the gromsko lover's somethin to enjoy. In my mind he's like a cross between a dilf and a slightly more intelligent himbo...so.. hope you like that :) enjoy!!

‼️TWs‼️: google translated polish, and a bit of nsfw (but its pretty vanilla), wife being used as a GN term, pregnancy & fears of loosing baby. OH and not a tw but Swagger appears in this so YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

- hubby Gromsko who, since he grew up in a religious, conservative, and traditional polish household, still believes in 'roles' in marriage.

- And by that I mean, he's the husband of the house, and REGARDLESS of your gender, you're his 'wife'. He calls you such in polish and english. You're a man, you say? a man even taller and bulkier than him? No issue. You're his malewife. Put on an apron over that hunky body of yours and swing your hips side to side in the kitchen while making him dinner, and Gromsko will go WILDDDD.

- He understands times have changed though, and does his part around the home when he's not deployed, his own laundry is *not* one of these things. Sorry.

- He lets it pile up, its his worst habit and red flag.

- Too many Dishes? Cleaned. You don't want to cook? no worry kochanie, let him handle it. He wil gladly pass chores onto himself, that's what a good husband does! (As long as its not laundry!)

- He loves showing you off, showing everyone that you're his partner, and soooo much PDA. He's so proud of you, of your home together, of everything. He is a proud man.

- Please never mistake this pride for egotism or being boastful, he is deeply grateful for you. And will gladly step back to let you shine, as much as he always wants to be your strongest, and fight every battle for you, he knows you're entirely capable on your own, but sometimes he forgets and has to remind himself of that, or you have to remind him yourself. He's always flustered after, muttering lots of apologies and speading kisses all over your face.

- Will introduce himself to your friends as "(y/n)'s husband". Will end each introduction of your name to his friend's with "my beautiful/handsome wife."

- when you took his last name in marrige and used it verbally for the first time his heart absolutely melted. For the first week before and after your wedding, he muttered it to himself in private, your first and (new) last name. His cheeks red every single time.

- He used to be ashamed of his real name, it was stereotypically Polish, most people without a slavic tongue couldn't pronounce it right, but when you took it? He wished he could tell the whole world his last name, because it was also your's.

- speaking of wedding...ooooh this man will not let you two have a small wedding, sorry❤️‍🩹

- Within a week of gromsko proposing to you, he was already dicussing the wedding plans, and he was dead set on having as traditional of a wedding as you two could for your lifestyle. He would take off as much time as he needs from work for this, he assures you of that constantly. Work came second to you, thats how you knew you were special.

- Meeting his family at an engagement ceremony is splendid no matter if you show up with a big family, no family, or any amount in between. They're just happy their słonko finally found himself a partner, believing he'd be a 'hermit' forever. They remind you of this *often*, usually to your future husband's dismay.

- He invited everyone from his home town to the wedding. Oh boy. And you bet every single person brought gifts, even the ones who couldn't make it sent some.

- if you are wearing a dress and/or makeup, momsko (gromsko's mother) will be there. You don't need to order a makeup and hair styalist, she WILL do it. She loves you to DEATH, and she also knows what her son loves aesthetically in a partner, she's very attentive like that.

- Dadsko (gromsko's dad lmao) teaching you how to tie a bowtie if you're wearing a suit. Don't be embarrassed, he just finished showing his own son how to tie one an hour ago in the changing room, you two knuckleheads are definitely meant for eachother, he's sure of that☺️

- Gromsko doesn't get to see you til you're walking down the isle, and if only you could take a picture with your mind...

- The look on his face is so pure, filled with admiration. Eyes big and shining, staring at you like you descended from the heavens. He loves you, he really does. More than words in english or polish can describe. He has to stop himself from saying "I do" right then and there. He litteraly started crying!! His best man and cousin, Roland, snickers and uses the handkerchief in his pocket to wipe his cousin's tears. "Jesteś takim dużym dzieckiem, Sobie." He teases, But he also understands that this is a huge day for Gromsko, and he would probably cry too if a charming thing like you wanted anything to do with rough doggish men like them, men that have been hardened by the atrocities of war.

- You were NOT made aware of the fact that rice and barley would be thrown over you two as you finished your vows and 'I do's. Gromsko chuckled, pulling you into a passionate kiss as it was thrown over you by guests and rained down like... Well, rain, over you two, lips still locked.

- After the ceremony, there is little time for dawdle as everyone races to the dance floor. And idc who you are, or how much of a party animal you claim to be or not, you’re never been to one quite like this. Or with quite as much alcohol as this...

- You and Gromsko get the first dance, of course. If you can’t dance that’s just fine, he assures you of it. His arm wrapped snuggly around the back of your waist. He moved himself and you with such purpose, such grace. You didn’t know he could dance like this.

- What he doesn’t tell you is that he practiced everyday alone in the mirror for nearly a month, memorizing the feeling of each movement, arms wrapped around nothing as he pretended what it would feel like to hold you during this dance, he would not fail this. And he didn't. Not a foot out of place.

- It’s SO lively, everyone is dancing, even the little ones and elderly are grooving at their own pace (and with the help of other family members).

- For your honey-moon, you went on a month-long cruise ship around the Baltic Sea. Stopping at some countries here and there, but most of your days were spent lazily tangled, nude, in blankets together inside the secrecy of the cabins’ rooms. And oh yes. Lots, and LOTS of sex. Unlike some of his fellow soldiers, he can go for a LONGGGG time. You definitely get a few noise complaints from the people above and to the sides of you. But Gromsko scoffs them off, as if they just don’t under how much you two are in love.

- He can be a bit hardheaded with some things, especially since he’s such a confident man, occasionally, he finds himself confidently WRONG. Like the time he got into an argument with a guy he caught leaving your shared house as he arrived home, Gromsko was red in the face. Throwing accusation after accusation at the man, saying that if he hurt you, or touched a hair on your body or tried to fuck you, he'd kill his family. Geeze, thank god he didn't overreact or anything.....😓

- Not only was the man 1- your childhood best friend, who's known you almost two decades before you ever met Gromsko, but he's also, 2- GAY/STRAIGHT!! (Whatever the opposite of ur relationship is, straight -> gay, gay -> straight) he couldn't even be interested in you! When you explained this to Gromsko in front of a very angry looking friend, he was an apologetic mess. Twiddling with his fingers like a kid who got caught with the cookie jar.

- If he does not have to wear certain clothes. He won’t. Firm believer this man is a ‘home is we’re the pants are not’ kind of man. Walks around the house in only boxers until you remind him he lives with other people (he still doesn’t understand tho, it’s just you, don’t you want to see him, kochanie? Maybe if he flexes his bare muscles just a little harder, you’ll forget why you were so angry with him in the first place ;])

- Sleeps completely in the nude, he’s similar to that of a sleeping bear, a sleeping TEDDY bear that is.

- Will Unconsciously pull you into a hug during his sleep, sorry, you’re now trapped in his beefy arms. And don’t even think about waking him up, he becomes a grumpy grumbling mess, too hazy to understand you, so I hope you enjoy waiting in his big strong arms til morning!

- you can't stay mad at him. He gets like an anxious puppy. Nudging at your side, whining and asking what he did wrong and using every sweet name in polish he could think of.

- He wears sandals and socks.

- Has a man cave, I just know it. Its actually pretty damn clean, but he watches football (soccer) and Occasionally plays games on his xbox (not a gamer, just dabbles in some stuff, idk why but I imagine he plays mostly stardew valley & Deep Rock Galactic) in there.

- Him and Roland secretly meet with eachother, even though there's a serious conflict of interest in doing so, and being caught would probably get them both booted from their respective PMCs, or worse.

- Still, when they are together its like neither of them ever joined the military in the first place. Their mind is anywhere but.

- Gromsko talks Roland's ear off about you, and don't get Roland wrong he loves you as a cousin-in-law, you're a sweetheart and make his cousin happy, but damn, he really doesn't want to know every single detail of your life, its a bit weird, yeah?

- He has to remind Gromsko this, as well as to not overshare in general. I feel like Gromsko does it out of over-excitment/love. Good thing happens/he think of good thing -> he instantly wants to tell someone, thats just how his brain works. thankfully he's not just... Telling strangers things, but his mother knows practically every aspect about your lives because he calls her every night to tell her. He's a mama's boy don't be mean💔

- His mama taught him most of the stuff he knows. He spent more time with her as she stayed home as tended to the kids, while his father worked long days. His mother taught him how to sew, and bake, play the piano, and so much more. Those moments are some of his most cherished. He loves his mom so much.

- Probably has a tattoo of her, her name, or some memoir to her on his body, and maybe one of his dad too

- I don't think they hate eachother, I just think his dad was a bit hard on him cause he had the "you're a man, act like it" mentality for everything, and that only pushed Sobiesław away, but they're closer now, things are better between them.

- Really good at home maintenance but NOT electricity... Please don't ever let him attempt to fix anything relating to electricity AGAIN.

- Loves making you Polish traditional meals, and even moreso when he see's the sparks fly in your eyes as you find something in particular you really like, you can bet he'll be making you that dish at least once a week now.

- He is actually like... Not very kinky. He's pretty vanilla, he likes praise and has maybe a smidge of a breeding kink, but sex for him is mostly just about the passion, he just gets off to seeing how good he and only he makes you feel.

- Oh god oh god oh GOD don't get me started on pregnancy and this man. If you're afab(or if you want mpreg by all means be my guest) he's getting you pregnant. Period. I already belive Gromsko came from a big family, like he's 1, of 7 other brothers and sisters. And that definitely impacts the number of kids he wants, he knows its unrealistic, especially with his job, to have as many with you, as his mother had (also he would never make you have that many OW, THE STRAIN ON YOUR BODY!!) But he would want at least 2-4 kids.

- Please god let this man have daughters PLEASE🛐 he would love a son just as equally but the TEAPARTIES WOULD GO SO FUCKING HARD🗣🗣🗣 he got the fairy princess dress on, with the diamond tiara, and you know fosho that he's bringing mrs. Precious (a stuffed rabbit) to the party as well.

- Definitely the dad who tries to get his kids into sports/athletics young, but if it doesn't stick he wouldn't force it.

- When you revealed your first pregnancy to him he dropped the dishes he was cleaning at the time, shattering them, and nearly dropped you too while scooping you up joyfully. Cheering and exclaiming,

- "och, kochanie, kochanie, sprawiłeś, że jestem najszczęśliwszym mężczyzną na świecie!" He exclaims, now that Roland wasn't around, his tears freefell. He didn't know where he should be looking, your face, or your stomach, now containing a future precious life.

- If he wasn't handsy before he is when you're pregnant, hands always on your belly even before it started growing, rubbing, talking, gentle tapping. You have to explain to him that the kicking won't start til at least 3 and a half months.

- He's intially dissapointed, but he counts the days, and then once the 3 month mark passes he's back to hands on.

- The day the baby makes it's first kick he had his hands there, you were shocked too. And Gromsko even moreso, eyes lighting up. Someone could almost believe he was the one pregnant, if it wasn't for the fact *you* were the one with the bulging belly. He got so emotional whenever's your baby made any major developments. Which is honestly so sweet. He cried again when you showed him the ultrasound, and put the grey and black image in his wallet.

- Tells everyone he knows about his baby the same way he did for you, and still continues to.

- He somehow loves you even more, now that you're carrying his offspring he's even more protective and guarding. He takes more and more time off work despite you urging him, assuring its ok. He mostly takes over the chores and housework, encouraging you to rest, stay stress-free, and eat a lot.

- This becomes a very strange and stressful time for him, as well as yourself. Maybe its your hormones effecting and rubbing off on him, but he genuinely becomes so... Feral? So primal? He holds you tighter, kisses you longer, his fingers dig into your waist possesively when he grabs you from behind, he has to stop himself in your mid and late terms from bending you over the counter and fucking you while playing with your swollen tits, because he's nervous that sex will hurt the baby. But he craves you, every inch of you. You fill the empty spaces in his mind. If theres nothing better to think about, he's thinking about you, about the baby.

- He starts having nightmares about loosing you, and he wakes up in a cold sweat and has to shake you awake, asking if you and the baby are ok. He knows its just his worries getting the best of him. But if he somehow failed his duty and lost you and the baby.... he just couldn't ever go on. Couldn't live in this world that's lacking two less angels..

- "Babies take a lot of energy, you need this Moja miłość, open wide." he coos, spoonfeeding you a homemade soup. Oh yes, he'll feed you too. If you snap at him and tell him to let you care for yourself he will, but he will still feel he need to monitor everything.

- He is not a perfect man, by any means, but by god, does he worship the ground you walk on. You gave him everything he could have every wanted and more, and he will do everything in his power to bring you everlasting joy. You don't even have to ask, lalka.

Tysm for reading I hope u enjoyed, I wanted to go into more detail about the baby but then I realized that kinds of its own thing, so yeah, maybe look out for dad!gromsko hcs one day :3 but tysm for reading these! I'm on a Krueger binge rn so I'll probably start posting more about him, but hot men lurk around every corner so we'll see!

Bonus:

I randomly mentally steered off and started writing neurodivergent hcs for Gromsko and didn't wanna get rid of them so here they are as a fun extra :D

- Gromsko but he happy stims :)

- Gromsko but he nervous stims :(

- ADHD Gromsko but he's mostly hyperactive type instead of initentive or combination :>

- Never medicated, wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. But it should've been obvious since like, the 1st-2nd grade.

- Restless leg syndrome havin' ass (so me, he's me😓)

- I feel like he's the type to carry a fidget toy on him, a stress ball to squeeze, or if trying to be more subtle, a pen to click.

[longpointstation]

The Basics

Max Navarro is interviewed by S'tuvir as part of the process of moving to Long Point Station.

In an office building on Earth, a Vulcan and a Human sit across from each other. It’s a very utilitarian arrangement, with very little decorating the Vulcan’s office.

“Could you please state your name and any preferred nicknames you may have.” Says the Vulcan flatly.

“Oh, no introductions or pleasantries? Okay.” The Human says with a lightly playful tone, a bit startled at the sudden request. “My name is Maximo Navarro, but I usually just go by Max.”

“I apologize, Max. I tend to be too efficient with these. My name is S’tuvir, and I will be conducting this basic interview about your request to move to Long Point.” S’tuvir replies, with a little more personality this time.

“No worries S’tuvir, I guess you have to do this so often it becomes second nature!” Says Max with a smile.

“Yes, something like that.” S’tuvir says. “And when and where were you born?”

“I was born on February 19, 2397, just outside of Corpus Christi, Texas. A little tourist spot called Mustang Island. You ever been to Texas?” Max says.

“I have been, but I did not spend much time on the coast as I am not very fond of the water. I did go to a live music festival and enjoyed my time there.” S’tuvir says as he makes notes of Max’s answers. “And your parents, could you tell me a bit about them?”

“Sure. My mom is Maria Navarro, and my dad is Stan Sherman. They divorced when I was in school, and my dad was never quite in the picture after the divorce, which is why I took my mom’s last name as soon as I could. My mom worked for Starfleet, teaching English at the San Fransisco Academy. My dad… who knows, haven’t spoken to him in awhile.” Max says.

“When was the last time you spoke to your father?” S’tuvir asks.

“Oh maybe 4 or 5 years ago? Maybe longer, but it’s definitely been awhile.” Max says. He looks out the window ask he answers, wondering if he can even recall the date.

“Do you have any siblings?” S’tuvir asks.

“Yes! An older sister, Andrea. She’s a few years older than me, and she’s a pilot with Starfleet. I believe she just started a new assignment on the USS New Horizons B. Honestly, I couldn’t be more proud of her.” Max smiles.

“I feel there is a lot of love for your sister. And if you move to Long Point, what would you like to do there?” S’tuvir asks.

“Easy, I’d love to open up a coffee shop out there. I understand that Long Point used to be Deep Space 4, and it’s become both a bit of a tourist destination and a pit stop for trade routes and Starfleet missions. Sounds like the perfect place to set up a coffee shop, a nice place for Haulers to grab a Raktijino or two.” Max says excitedly. He seems to light up a bit, and he looks like he can imagine the coffee shop now.

“It sounds like you have thought this through. It may seem like a strange question, but why do you think the Federation should not allow you to start this coffee shop on Long Point?” S’tuvir asks, looking up from his notes and locks eyes with Max.

“Oh… well.” Max starts, some of the enthusiasm draining from his voice. “I’ve never lived off-world before. I’ve been off-world before, in fact my sister took me on a week-long trip to Bajor and Deep Space 9, but I’ve only ever lived on Earth. I’ve also never run a coffee shop before, I’m usually one to help others with a project rather than start one myself.”

“I see.” S’tuvir nods and writes more notes down. “And finally, why should be let you move to Long Point?”

Max hesitates for a moment. He looks outside the window once more and lets the image of the shop fill his mind. In this moment, he wants nothing more.

“Because I need this.” Max explains. “I know lots of people dream of exploring the stars, of joining Starfleet and making huge discoveries and going on adventures. I mean, I’ve heard the way my sister talked about her need to explore, and her dream of being part of something larger. For the longest time I wondered if I would ever feel quite as strongly about anything as she did about exploration and piloting, and I realized that supporting others was that calling for me. I want to leave my mark on the universe, and I want to provide an experience that leaves a mark on others!’

S'tuvir finishes writing his notes and looks up at Max. Max feels his heart beating hard, his ribs almost feel like they’re rattling.

“I hope you get to leave that mark on the universe, Max.” S’tuvir says and stands up. “I do believe we will be reaching out to you soon, hopefully by the end of the week.”

“Oh, thank you very much S’tuvir!” Max stands up hurriedly and smiles, adjusting his button up shirt so it fits just right after sitting for so long.

“We appreciate you taking this time with us. If I do not talk to you again, peace and long life.” S’tuvir raises his hand and offers the customary Vulcan salute.

“Live long and prosper!” Max replies, returning the salute.

Max smiles and leaves the office and walks down the halls and stairs and out of the building. His head is swimming with thoughts and dreams and ideas, but most importantly he’s filled with hope. S’tuvir stays in his office, finalizing his notes and submits his recommendation to the Long Point Housing and Community Board.

By that Friday, Max was offered the opportunity to open up a coffee shop on Long Point.

[venusloveslobotomies]

wahaha...it's time to stop being anonymous and ask for a match up, haha! i'm so glad you do match ups. i love your writing so i'm happy because i can ask you for a match up!!

i'm a female, she/her, taurus, infp 4w5 !! i'm a have long straight ginger hair and blue eyes. ah, and A LOT of freckles on my face...

i'm self-diagnosed autistic. i have an eating disorder. aaand i'm always dizzy, hehe..! i'm SO emotional and empathetic!! i'm a proud bisexual BUT i would prefer to be matched up with a man, tehee... (つω`｡)

i'm calm and nice, i guess..? i'm really introverted and so, SO awkward when it comes to socializing. i'm very anxious when i have to talk to people that i don't know. i can struggle with simple tasks like buying something in store or ordering something in cafe. anxiety is part of my personality, HELP.

but! i'm with people who's my dear friends i'm really loving and caring. like, i'm pretty sure that everyone can feel loved with me. some people told me that i'm really soft and kind wahaha..! so if i will open up to you i can guarantee you that i can and i will make you feel so, so loved!

i'm fond of biology and chemistry and i want to become a doctor in the future! i mean...doctor is someone who can help people. i just feel like this is a right profession for me. all i want to do is make people healthy and happy! when it comes to my hobbies...i really enjoy drawing! and playing the guitar! i can express myself through art and music and i think that's amazing. hehe! ☆

my love language is physical touch! i enjoy being physically close to those who i love with all my heart, i will feel sad if i will have no chance to touch my loved ones. my second love language is words of affirmation, i guess..? so yeah, i would love to receive love with those love languages! when it comes to giving, eh...i will do just simply anything to make my loved one happy. i will hug them, tell them how good they are and how proud i am of them! i will give them gifts and just spend time with them. my main goal is to make them feel loved and safe. (⌒▽⌒)♡

some random fact about me - i really, i mean REALLY love the colour BLUE. like...i will feel so, so happy if i will look at something blue! a lot of my clothes is blue, my favourite bag is blue, i have...a blue among us plushie...that's embarrassing but this stupid little plushie is so cute and BLUE! so yeah, colour blue is so special for me. it makes me feel calm and happy!

ahh the way i write is messy a bit...i'm sorry! and i apologize for any spelling mistakes, english isn't my first language. i swear that i did my best while i was writing this..!

thank you in advance!! have a nice...day ooor evening or whatever it is for you, hehe...☆

Thank you so much for your love! It means a lot to me <333

I’ve gotta match you up with Butters! You guys are both sweet and kind and would do anything for other people! I think he would provide you with so much love that matches your love language! Cuddles and hugs and compliments!

I think he needs an adoring person like you in his life. He gets kinda shoved to the side by most of his friends so having someone so loving and understanding would do wonders for his confidence. I think he’d also help bring you out of your shell and be so easy to get along with despite your anxieties.

I think he’d love braiding your hair and also would probably learn the guitar so you guys can play together. He seems to me like someone who would do anything for his s/o.

I hope you like it <333 Thank you again for being so nice ☺️☺️���💕

[circesoracle]

i'm sorry you feel down about your writing, i meant to send this earlier but better late than never so i hope it's ok. fwiw i think you're one of the most talented writers out there! i don't write myself so i hope it's not dismissive but i'm curious to know what success would look like for you (cause i already think you're v successful & creative, who's writing actually good fshep liara stories yknow?) and what readers can do to better support you so you can feel proud of your creations

I’ve taken a bit of time to think about how to respond to this, so I’m sorry for the delay and for the long answer.

I’m going to assume that you ask this genuinely and with good intentions, and I thank you for your kind words. However, I’ve struggled with how to respond to the two questions in a way that’s honest. I fear honesty will come across as pathetic or asking for attention, or worse, seem accusatory towards a particular fandom. I’ll do my best regardless.

I am an extremely anxious person with very little self esteem. I have had family, friends, girlfriends, professors, acquaintances even who completely destroyed any sense of worth I possess, both in general and in regards to my writing. I used to take pride in my writing, and I used to like it, but over time, people have worn me down, and I can no longer see it as anything less than awful. To give you a feeling of what I mean, here’s a personal experience I’ve never shared with anyone out of fear of empty platitudes and pity.

I applied to my university’s creative writing programme, and within a week was asked to withdraw by the professor because he hated my writing style so much that he told me it would be better for my GPA to drop out. I didn’t write for personal enjoyment for months. I ended up in a depressive spiral so bad I considered killing myself more than once. I changed my major out of English into Communications and New Media out of shame, extending my degree by multiple years when it should have been coming to its end.

I also compare myself to others, which is easy on AO3. You’re extremely kind to say I seem successful, but I can say categorically I am not, in any of the fandoms I post for, successful. My fics don’t compare to other recent postings, with the most successful fic of mine performing middling in a relatively small fandom. Even numbers aside, my fics aren’t good enough to be talked about, or shared around, they don’t inspire art, they barely inspire comments and even those are almost entirely from a small group of dedicated readers(who I cherish dearly and would not still be writing without the support of).

The one which bothers me the most and is the cause of most of my anxiety is Eternity’s Embrace. This is for a number of reasons I would prefer not to discuss openly.

Success, to me, are fics which get art and endless praise and are shared around. Right or wrong, that’s what I define as success, and it is a bar, simply put, I will never meet. I am not good enough. I try to ignore it, but it’s hard. It doesn’t bother me all the time, but when I’m low it’s another thing for my mind to fixate on.

Speaking in terms of Eternity’s Embrace, I have a number of readers who do support me, but they dwindle in numbers with every update and it feels like posting to an empty void. I can’t ask anything more of them, as the few there are(it’s about four of them) already comment in wonderful ways, and they’re the reason I keep posting. My anxieties are not their problem, nor are they yours. If I have more than four readers, that’s news to me as really no more than four or five will comment, which with a long multichapter fic is the only means of knowing anyone likes it.

This is all to say I likely will not be posting a new chapter of Eternity’s Embrace this week, if anyone has bothered reading this far.

Thank you again for your message, I’m glad you enjoy what I write, I appreciate everyone who lets me know they do. My apologies, for the lengthy and delayed response, I only wanted there to be context for why I do express a low opinion of my writing.

[fanboyvini]

Before responding, I need to make three notes: 1. It took me a while to respond because I was blocked from making new posts, so I'm sorry for the delay in responding. 2. English is not my native language and I'm not that used to expressions so sorry if I sound rude or something, I swear that's not the intention. 3.Thank you for sharing your opinion! =)

It's okay, you don't have to apologize for having a different opinion, and I wanted to hear from the fandom to find out why many old fans didn't like the film. It's good to hear different opinions and points of view about media that we enjoy every now and then.

And you don't need to worry about it being a long post, I like long answers. To be honest I don't even consider it a rant, it's just a different opinion.

And I would love to watch the video essay, you have my support!

Your interpretation of the film is very valid and along with that so are your concerns about the film's message.

However, my interpretation was very different (basically the opposite): the scene "Son, you don't have to prove anything. I'm always proud of you." I interpreted it as if the message of the film was "Hey parents, tell your children that you are proud of them, be proud of your children. Don't be negligent. And children, you don't need to prove anything to have the support and affection of your parents."

About Professor doesn't change his ways, I interpreted it as if he was in denial "How could anything that horrifying be real?", and still confused, but even so post-ETF he would show support for Dib's interests even though he didn't agree and believing (I don't have much concrete basis on this last part, but I can explain the next topic a little better)

I don't know if I managed to make it very clear in my post but I don't think Professor Membrane is suddenly an excellent father from ETF, I wanted to say (as I said at the beginning of my post) that at least it's a start. Well, before Professor Membrane was almost never present at home, and in the film he was physically present at mealtimes. So he had a change, even if it was minimal. I can't say if that subtext and implications and intentions went through the writers' heads but that's what I took away from it.

While I agree about the part where the Professor should take Dib to a therapy, I think it would be "too real" for a cartoon (don't get me wrong, I do think therapy should be normalized especially in cartoons for children) but maybe for IZ it seems like it wouldn't work, or else the same thing could happen like counselor Mr. Dwicky

Regarding the part about "great film to end the iz franchise" I didn't mean that as a fact, it was 100% my personal opinion which for me was satisfactory. I don't feel like I have all the conclusions that the series would have, but I liked the content of the film and it left a little bit of a feeling of "I want more". I agree that it ended up like a sitcom but I kind of liked it?? Again, it gives me that “I want more” feeling.

And I also wasn't waiting for the movie as long as you, so it makes sense your reactions to be different. I loved the show but I ended up repressing all my interests until the time the movie trailer came out, so I wasn't waiting for the movie for that long so I didn't have any expectations.

And again, thanks for sharing your opinion and I'm looking foward for the video! ^^

ETF is very different from the series but i kinda enjoy it?

Like, the atmosphere of the setting is way less grim and macabre, and we even had some very aww emotional moments (because it's a film and films have a different episode structure). And well, i'm a sucker for happy endings, so it was nice to see Professor Membrane and Gaz have some touching moments with Dib. (i just wanna them to heal ok) (it's a start at least)

Basically i like to see the differences between the series and ETF as if they were the consequences of the timeskip.

Gaz very explicitly worrying about her brother's well being + Dib imposing himself on his father because both of them (Gaz and Dib) are more mature, the sky is more beautiful because idk maybe it's some invention the Professor made to help the Earth??

ETF gives me a hopeful, somehow healing and comforting atmosphere, and it feels nice

But then again, i'm a sucker for happy endings and healing

Now about the designs, i liked the colors in general, but it's my most vibrant and "happy" color style.

I really liked Dib's ghost shirt, since i study character design a lot, this says a lot about him. I just didn't like the red sneakers so in my re-imagined version i draw him with a black all star (i like to leave the goth boots for when he's older). And now he has more hair lol (i like to leave the undercut for when he's older too)

Gaz was the one with the biggest redesign, and just like Dib i liked her new shirt. But in my re-imagined version i mix her design from the series with ETF, i like to imagine her with a long-sleeved striped shirt underneath.

I don't have much to say about Professor Membrane's redesign, but i liked the small changes, he's not so skinny anymore and has more hair too

Also ETF gave me things i always wanted to happen:

- Alternative realities

- Professor Membrane being a good present father

- Touching moments between the Membrane family

- Zim discovering the mission was a lie

- Zim (almost) winning for real

- ANIME IZ!! (my 13-year-old self can rest in peace)

- The trial scenario

So yeah, i really like the movie, i had a lot of fun.

It's a great film to end the IZ franchise to me.

also tell me your opinions! i wanna hear it

[subizer0]

star-crossed lovers.2 the sheriff of piltover

"the always enchanting tale, of star crossed lovers"

being an unndercover zaunite working for the kiramman family, slowly planning doom (was what i said but brace yourself cuz that's a lot different sdfsjklfjsdf)

a.n: i believe caitlyn is supposed to be around 24ish (although some redditers think she's in her late twenties which is, um, kinda unrealistic imo :D). so the main part of this takes place between the first and the second act, meaning the explosion + hextech bullshit did happen. caits just not a part of the police deparmant yet. capisci?

!!!again, since english is not my first language you will be seeing a lot of clownery in this. little bit of this little bit of that, yknow? (i'll probably edit this after a nap)

caitlyn x gender neutral(god i hope) reader (4,4k words)

warnings: reader is wearing a nightgown, abuse, they are both smitten but they don't notice yet trope, there's the zaun-piltover racism going on i guess???

supporting characters: tobias, cassandra

you were born to alow-middle class family in zaun, a surprise child, considering how your parents had the impression of giving birth to a child in the lawless down city was just another mouth to feed. not an unwanted one, i might add, but even though your parents were always discreet about the hardship of their lives, it would also be a lie to say your life was as easy as some folks got it out there.

nights were your parents came home exhausted, visibly wounded and gasping for air. even though they were broke, they were also proud to lead an honorable life in a city where illegal activities never stopped. as a child, you used to admire them for it, having stone fights with other "poor" kids while bragging about how good your parents were. but that started to change as you've realized how your family stopped eating proper meals, sometimes they worked for over 14 hours with no pay, you started to wear your summer shoes even though it was freezing cold. you guys stopped having dinner conversations because all your parents wanted to talk about was how they were going to pay this month's bills. they stopped asking how your day was, if you had any new drawings to put on the fridge this week. they didn't wake up early to see you off to school anymore, hell, you couldn't even be sure if they had just gone to sleep, at 7 in the morning!

so you stopped as well. you weren't as keen to hug your parents anymore, you stopped asking for money to buy crayons from the junk markets, and by the time you were 12, maybe by luck maybe you were just at the right place in a right time, you bumped into a very, very important person. someone that has it so easy that they wouldn't even have to think twice before purchasing a very expensive counter-part for their new pricy clock. you apologized profusely, of course. you were brought up with proper manners after all. you saw a machine like man, whom you assumed was unable to speak, shaking his -you weren't actually sure if they were even a mister- hands rapidly, trying to communicate. you heard of piltovians going down to buy their own creations for cheaper prices here, but you also thought it was illegal. zaunite gangs were responsible for stealing and smuggling them downstairs, but whatever happened to them afterwards was none of their business. everyone out here had their own vouches and sales people, so actually seeing someone from upside doing shopping here was very unsettling to be fair.

you froze, i mean god, you were just here to possibly sell a few junk that you stole the other week (which you weren't really proud of but life was getting harder), and you HAD to run into one of the tough guys of piltover. you clutched your backpack, ready to run if the dude saw you putting a puzzle piece in one of your pockets, but the mechanic citizen just put their palms in your face as if to say 'stop'.

his robotic fingers pointed to your bag, sweat down your forehead and coming into your view now, you also slightly changed your position to look at what he was showing. of course you knew what was there, it was just a dumb reflex. he was trying to ask about a few invention blueprints you were doodling earlier at class today. zaun didn't have a proper education system, but there were scholars teaching kids privately if offered a fat amount of money. your parents wanted you to take science courses, working for a chemlord themselves, but you always found yourself coming up with different drawing of tech products.

you enjoyed drawing, sculpture and art in general, but down here, these stuff were just seen as well-heeled brat hobbies, they didn't make money and they for sure didn't protect from any punk trying to catch some hands. but in piltover? people appreciated fine arts, they did not dismiss them for not bringing any income to the family, they were overjoyed upon seeing their children take interests in them. oh, how lovely it must be. not having to beg to your parents about art supplies but them simply coming to you with new offers for more creative aspects of life. and the rich brats, who often refuse to see their parents' kindness and just complain about them being so 'overbearing'. you couldn't even remember the last time your guardians knocked on your door to ask for your opinion, on anything!

seeing you clearly confused, the piltover citizen politely put his hands on your shoulder before quickly making a gesture to show you what he was really interested in. using his open palms as a paper, he pretended to scribble over it with another robo-hand. clumsily throwing your bag to the ground, you took out your biggest notebook for him to use, a bit uneasy but still curious nonetheless.

"did you create them?" you shook your head in affirmation. your tiny heart was beating with both horror and excitement. "they are quite complex and creative." he nodded slightly as you read the words with a smile now. your ideas, getting praised by someone for the first time ever. not to mention someone who seems to know about his way around.

he hesitates now, looking at you as he stops writing. he can tell by your clothes and demeanor that you must've seen the rough side of the town, a kid that's maybe around a middle-schoolers age, trying to get away with stealing stuff to possible survive, he assumes. he just draws a smiley face on the paper, handing it back to you with ease and determination. a bright kid who deserves to receive education in the prestige academys of piltover, getting lost between the chemical wastes of zaun. he watches you take the notebook back carefully, still watching out for any hostile activity in the way he's behaving. he uses every power that's limited by his mechanical body to show you a simple chuckle, and then points once more.

"you." "me." "upside."

and that he does. trying not to get your hopes up, you spend the next few days just like any other, but you're yearning. looking out the windows more, up to the sky that you can hardly see because of piltover's majestic buildings. hoping for that meeting to be a plan of fate, a hope.

"if the servants are of any trouble to you, just let me know! kirammans do not tolerate rudeness." there you saw a bright 14 year old smiling at you politely as you struggled to carry some books about neuroscience. you knew of her, of course you did. the little lady of the kiramman family, the girl with the weird hair color and a gap in her teeth as the only thing that slips from her perfect aura. you didn't quite want to admit, but you were a little scared of her. she was beautiful, first of all. standing tall with her head high and chin up. always walking straight, never doing any mistakes. you'd sometimes see her talking to very particular searchers, young and talented people very important in their own areas, as equals?? she always spoke whatever was in her mind in an intelligent perspective, never failing to make her mother proud.

"you shouldn't be seen helping me." you said, voice cracking while your eyes search the corridor for any witnesses in panic. normally you wouldn't care about other students pushing you around, it just wasn't worth throwing your scholarship aside. since that faithful day, even though you never saw the 'machine man' personally again, there was a feeling deep inside always telling you that you had to make sure his efforts were not in vain.

you could see that she was not able to make much of your tension, clenching her own books to her chest.

"what is that suppose to mean? we're just going to the same class. it's not a big deal, no?" caitlyn answered quickly with a slight tone of hurt in her voice. she was right actually. you were heading to the same class, but it was very clear that you two were very different from each other. you were a meek child for many reasons: being loud and expressive usually meant getting hurt in zaun, being noticeable made it very hard to sneak past shop owners when they see you trying to steal a delicious fruit. and there was caitlyn, an open-minded girl with parents loving her unconditionally. drifting to sleep after being kissed goodnight by her father, not having to wonder whether her parents would make it after tomorrow's work.

you used to envy her a lot as a child, seeing her trying to approach you made your blood boil, during your first year here as a 12 year old you quickly realized how different piltover was from your dreams. it was not a magical place where people came together for science regardless of origin. it was still as ruthless, if not even more. "her and her spoiled child antics" you though while she struggled making a conversation with a few girls from your class. you knew she was having a hard time with getting friends but you simply didn't care. a privileged girl born into one of the most wealthy families in one of the most advanced cities in whole runeterra is sad because everyone is so intimidated by the idea of talking to her? boohoo.

being an apprentice to the hollaran clan was not as easy as you actually though. funny, people'd think managing to get out of zaun, scraping your way to the topside would be a new page waiting to be turned. but it wasn't. it was studying for more hours, getting told off by others for doing minor mistakes, being looked down upon for being born to the hardships they created. you spent numerous nights simply crying, going to bed starving. not even being able to look at others kids from your same house in the eyes without being felt disgusting. but you still prayed to janna, you hoped she would keep your family safe, you begged her to help you find a way of these endless circles of suffering. and rest was history, being assigned research-mates with caitlyn after nearly 6 years of ignoring her, was the start of your ultimate plan.

first it was cait suggesting to meet up at a cafe to 'change the atmosphere a bit. she was simply cooped up in the huge private library of hers as the teacher's assistant' (you remember scoffing at the idea and caitlyn having to explain the impact of motivation. in your mind, there was no motivation. consistent hard work was all there is to it) then it was meeting up at the library after its closing hours, shushing caitlyn as she gets excited talking about detective work. exchanging notes in class, and you calling her 'ice queen'. caitlyn offering to go to the restroom with you, just to stand there and glare at people that talk behind your back. seeing her efforts, you started warming up too, and you soon realized caitlyn maybe wasn't as fortunate as you always made her to be. being born into money and royalty did not seem the best, especially when caitlyn started dozing off on your shoulders when she was too exhausted to study from taking house management classes. finding caitlyn at the academy infirmary, clearly dizzy but still compassionate and stubborn about 'not working enough'. you started purchasing snacks and pastries for her, trying out a new tea brew because you want to impress her, taking notes of interesting books you saw at the library just in case she wanted to take a look too.

and when you two started getting even more comfortable, your 'study dates' as she liked to call them, turned into you bringing your pajamas to her house for a sleepover. but even then, you were surprised to see new sides of caitlyn, who was becoming your best friend even faster then you thought. supposedly, she was never this intimate with other people. forget about going for a cup of tea, caitlyn did not even speak to anybody else from your studies. even though you didn't find that very surprising, her mother looked horrified while talking about it, making you question if caitlyn wished not to talk to them about these matters at all.

that being said, her parents were getting quite used to you as well. greeting you at the door themselves, asking for what you'd like to eat for dinner. you were ashamed, to put it plainly, for thinking that they would treat you differently just because you were a down people. but you also reassured yourself, being reminded that after nearly 6 years of coming up here, caitlyn was the only person to treat you like an individual. but nights when you cried yourself to sleep, hugging the extra blanked caitlyn gave you, trying not the sniffle so hard just because caitlyn insisted on sleeping together on the floor as a sleepover tradition. you thought about how your experience in the kiramman household was the closest thing you got the family bonds since forever. not from your patrons, professors, friends, not even your own family. but from the girl you tried so desperately to ignore because you were simply jealous of her.

her father coming to check on her after you two over-do it arguing about your classes was something that all household members were used to by that point. tobias was pleased by your presence, he acknowledged that his daughter often needed someone to listen to her talk about her obsessions and you being more than happy to just listen and nod was enough to make his heart melt. he urged caitlyn to invite you around more often, unknowingly also being the reason of her having to confess to you.

she was shy at first, cheeks all rosy while fidgeting with her fingers uncharacteristically. she pointed at the small sofa of her work room, inviting you to sit down. now taking tours around the room not daring to meet your eyes, she seemed adorable.

"you gonna start talking already or am I suppose to understand what's wrong from your body language as always?"

"ah, yes, pardon me. i didn't think you'd notice." you couldn't help but sigh very loudly. sure, you had a weird friendship with her -you were not even sure you could call it friendship honestly. it was as if she just picked you and started hanging around- but you already knew enough about her to know that caitlyn was not the one to chicken out from speaking her mind.

so after what felt like hours of waiting and playing with your fingers, she finally got up with new found confidence.

"you may move in with us. to our house, i mean. my parents already talked to house holloran about your apprentice-ship." taking a deep breath, relief spread to her face after finally blurting out what has been on her mind for weeks. she opened her eyes, excited, wanting to meet yours as soon as possible. but her smile dropped instantly at how hard you were gritting your teeth.

piltovians and their selfish wants. never once stopping to consider if their acts would hurt people, only caring if it's to their advantage. you wanted to believe it very badly, that maybe caitlyn was different. your first day at the academy made you hopeful of the little girl that saw nothing wrong with talking to a zaunite. but now she was standing there, arms trying to reach out to you, very hesitant. she's a mess as well, eyes frantically searching for any twitch of movement on your face, visibly tense, but even in times like these, she's trying to understand what she did wrong.

you didn't say anything, caitlyn was a smart girl, you knew she'd understand what you were thinking about just from how hard you were clenching your fists. you stared at her with utter disbelief in your eyes, angry words threatening to build up now. looking back at this exact moment in a few years you'd realize how much of a scene you were causing. this would be your dream!! "being considered a member of the kiramman family was not something everybody could dream of" is what you would've said if you were a 12 year old standing in front of a gate with a few belonging of yours. tears forming in your eyes as you made out silhouettes of your "housemates" looking at you with pity and disgust. you were nearly 19 now, having spent the last few years of life observing none other than the kiramman girl. looking at her family with envy at first, with sadness, yearning then love and finally disgust. somedays you wondered why you continued being friends with her, from being her project partners to today, of barely being together as actual friends for 5 to 6 months. and the answer was simple:

you didn't know. you didn't know why you hated seeing caitlyn all exhausted after an all-nighter, you hated seeing her get praised by superiors after taking a semi-good shot because you knew she did too, you hated seeing how pretty she looked with a dress suited for a princess -even when she complained about having to wear it. - she was the only person who cared for you without having any gains from it. caitlyn knew you were from the undercity, so she knew there wouldn't be much to receive from you money wise, and maybe, maybe she just wanted to help you have an easier life by living , but it couldn't reach that deep. not when you were hurt by her people.

your pride was taken from you long ago, but hearing caitlyn say those things as if she could be the one to make the decision was taking you back to some of the most painful memories. getting hit by the kitchen maids for wanting to snack before anyone could wake up, having to walk to the academy after failing to wake up just on time, not doing as you are told, not being at the place you were told to be.

you couldn't think of a word to say now, you couldn't stay here but you knew better than to just go back 'home'. so you just did a quick nod, just a nod. not one of the usual ones, caitlyn took note of. not a "caitlyn can you please stop talking about cats this is important nod." or a "i can't believe i'm friends with a nerd like you but mechanics is super hot please continue" nod. this was a nod to protest, to show how hurt you were. seeing you this defeated and disappointed was breaking her heart too. you were supposed to feel happy about it!

ms. kiramman has been doing arrangements for months only for this moment. caitlyn begged her parents to give you a chance despite them obviously being skeptical about your zaunite roots. she didn't talk to her dad for a whole week after he said "they couldn't trust a down born to be their daughter's friend." they only agreed at the cost of you also being accepted as an apprentice, though it would be a more fancy word for "servant." you would be in charge of the huge family library by caits special request since she always saw your eyes get instantly huge upon witnessing how comprehensive it was. cait thought you would fancy the idea, she did. just like how she fancied you.

she was always looking at you, from day one. caitlyn knew that you had a poro mascot that you enjoyed to doodle in a specific corner of your notebooks. she demanded to be waken up earlier by the servants, not because she was eager for school or anything, but had to sit at certain spot that looked over yours. she watched as you spent your whole education as a loner, not a desperate one, but you took pride in being able to be enough for yourself and caitlyn though highly of you because of it. she immediately tried to steal a glance off of you after making a joke to see if you were laughing or not. and yes maybe she did smile to herself thinking about you, looking at your space a bit too long, making sure that her touch lingers on your hands as she receives your paper work.

why did she keep comparing your schedules to see if you'd take literature together? or why did she insist on you taking the extra credit for a class that didn't even matter so that she, as the professor's assistant, could grade your work and possibly put a little smiley face on it? cait didn't know. one thing she knew though, was that 12 year old caitlyn would never cause you to have such a look on your face. she wouldn't make you insecure about anything that had to do with you. that's why she knocked on your door, now that room renovations were done as well. hoping that you'd actually open, but still understanding if you'd rather not to.

after waiting for a while, getting quite cold since she basically thought coming to your door without a second plan in mind or a pair of socks was a good idea, caitlyn sighed as she closed her eyes. resting her forehead on your door, not trying to be nosey or anything but still hopeful of you feeling the same way.

"cait?" it was so faint that she would've missed it if she stopped to process it. her heart started beating so fast that she was hearing it in her ear drums, steadying her voice to not scare you even further.

"yes?" no response, you're not even sure what you were going with this to be honest. the only thing you knew, hearing her familiar footsteps made you get up from the couch that you've been sitting on for the last few hours.

you had a lot of time to think, to plan, to conquer. even your own conscience telling you to make them all regret. living in a make believe dream made you lost to the truth and to yourself. a zaunite, always a zaunite. nothing but a spawn of filth on the eyes of those who made your lives so miserable. you've lived your life as if it depended on luck, not being sure if you'd be alive tomorrow only to come upstairs??? just to forget about how your people were suffering because of the silly parties that these rich people were having?? and you? what about you coming here with the promises of going back down, to have a better zaunite, only to be the house playmate of the girl that you liked? shame on you.

but your fog of darkness vanished as soon as you heard caitlyn knock, it was her habit to knock with a rhythm even thought it was not necessary at all. you felt lighter, your sorrows still fresh as new but you didn't seem to mind now, not with her. they weren't clouding your mind anymore, your vision was clearer than ever.

"i don't know if i can make you understand, cait." your voice was cracking with the emotions you struggled to keep, you wanted to look strong and undefeatable even when talking to the woman you loved. realizing that you fell in love in the middle of making a life changing decision wasn't helping with the whole 'keep calm' mindset either.

"i don't need to understand, i only need you to be okay." you yanked the door, wood harshly hitting the wall, echo spreading throughout the whole corridor. you looked terrible, night gown swaying with air that was coming from your slightly open window. caitlyn looked rough around the edges too, she always tried her best to be as emotionally available as possible but you were successful in seeing through the cracks. she was wearing the ugly fangirl shirt you got her for caitlyn's coming of age party. you still remembered how horrified her parents were despite caitlyn's loud laughter. she always told you about how she was using it as a pajama but you were never fortunate enough to see it with your eyes.

and there she stood, with her seraphine shirt and big bags under her eyes. your heart filled with the overwhelming urge to hold her as close as possible and yet, you stood your ground. your family was never the touch-feely type, they much preferred to argue over their emotions. so seeing caitlyn close the gap in between you, hugging hard enough to make you gasp for air, you finally felt at ease after nearly six years of being here. in front of caitlyn, you didn't need to put on a façade, you didn't need to look strong or hard to argue. after staying in the exact same position for long enough, feeling her hands softly gather around your waist, you whispered with the strength that was left in your body.

"i won't let anyone get in our way, cait." she tensed, sensing the venom in your tone. caitlyn wasn't sure if you were just speaking from pain or if you were actually serious. if only she could see your eyes, the ones that lost their color after being mistreated for your whole life. but they were shining now, a light that caitlyn was very familiar with.

you only had that type of look when you were successful in finding the formula to the theory that you've been working on, only when you received bad news from back home, only when you saw a few guys that bullied you in the past asking you for help.

the type of shine you had in your eyes only when you were about to change things in a way that would last forever.

[boldlyvoid]

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

warnings: strangers to lovers, blind dates, betting, talks of: drug use, drug addiction, abusive marriages, rape, sexual assault, abuse, attempted murder, mass shootings, parental death, love confessions, elopements, opposite of slow burn

word count: 8K

A/N: this is based on a request I received a while back about this article

Derek was a betting man, to say the least. He knew Spencer was from Vegas, he also knew Emily couldn’t say no to a challenge and that Rossi had enough money to burn. Betting at work was the best way to have fun when he worked there, and now he can’t stop.

“I’m not saying con a woman into loving you, I’m saying let us find a girl and let’s see if she can fall in love with you, take a week off from work and just spend time wooing her, and in a week, me or Emily will hit on her, if she turns us down for you, then you’ve won.”

Derek explained it like it was simple, and yet the mere thought of being set up with someone was horrifyingly nerve-wracking. But he got Spencer to agree… unbeknown to him that he had another bet going on the side.

You see earlier that day he was invited to Penelope’s apartment, her younger sister was moving in for a little while and they needed a big strong man to help move the boxes. And like Penelope, Y/N was really chatty and overly friendly really fast. It was like he’s always known Y/N Garcia.

She explained to Derek how hard it was in California to find good men who want someone to love them, she’s tired of guys thinking she comes on too fast, she wants someone who wants to settle and have kids and be a dad. Not a Vain narcissist who only cares about what the city can offer him.

“The last guy I went on a date with literally ran when I mentioned I read a New York Times article about 36 questions to make you fall in love… I just want a person to love? Is that really so hard?”

A lightbulb goes off in Derek’s mind, and Penelope almost reads it.

“Spencer.” They both reply with the same cheeky grin.

“I bet you, you could be as insane as you say you are and he’d still be in love with you by the end of the week.” Derek teases, and the way she smiles shows just how interested she is.

—

Woo her.

The words have rattled around in his brain every second of every moment since Derek said he found a girl for him.

She was free on Saturday, all Spencer had to do was tell Derek where she should meet him and all Penelope had to do was not mention to Spencer that she had a sister, it was up to Y/N when Spencer learned that fact.

She’s already there at the restaurant when he arrives, he’s not sure what he was expecting when Derek said he found the perfect girl but it wasn’t this. He was thinking it was going to be a joke, that either no one would show or Derek was hooking him up with some hot blonde who was way out of his league.

She was beautiful in a nice dress, her makeup was stunning and she looked so content sitting there, waiting for him. Starring her ice water with a straw, she wasn’t paying any attention to the room, she barely knew he was there.

“Hi?” He said softly, not wanting to startle her.

“Hi,” she beamed up at him, that same unsure look on her face. Neither of them was expecting anything from the other, but they were pleasantly surprised.

“Spencer Reid,” he says, actually extending a hand to shake her’s because it’s the chivalrous thing to do.

She reaches out her hand, watching him take it and kiss her knuckle softly, she’s so surprised. “Oh, um, Y/N Garcia,” she whispers the name and his eyes go wide.

“Garcia?” He panics a little, sitting down in the booth and facing her as her face drops at his reaction.

“Did he not tell you I’m Penelope’s sister? I knew Derek was up to something,” she looked like it was all too good to be true, upset almost.

“He didn’t, he probably wanted you to tell me, I mean this all so we can get to know each other,” Spencer shrugs it off, interested in seeing why Derek picked her of all people.

“I guess,” she smiled again, “so what do you do?”

“I work with Penelope, I specialize more in psycho-linguistics and geographical profiling.”

She nods in approval, “I’m a high school English teacher.”

Spencer laughs lightly, “what’s that like?”

“Interesting to say the least, especially in California. Every kid there wants to be on TikTok, no one cares about reading any of the books I ask them too,” she just shakes her head. “I’m worried about the next generation.”

“Me too, it’s almost alarming how many kids are unsubs,” he agrees. She’s so easy to talk to, he’s suddenly not nervous anymore and the waiter is coming to take their order.

He never even opened the menu, “what looks good?” He asks Y/N, nervous and she can tell.

“I think I’m going to have the lobster, let’s go all out?” She shrugged again, both of them feeling more adventurous than normal.

“I’ll have that as well,” Spencer smiled, keeping eye contact with only her as she handed the menus back to him.

They ordered sides and appetizers, stuffed mushrooms and fresh bread, it was amazing. They traded small facts about each other, Spencer noticed a lot of Penelope’s quirks in her, she was very friendly and kind and funny. She loved to tease him and make him laugh, his stomach hurt by the time their lobsters came out.

“I’ve never done this before,” she admits, putting on her bib and holding the claw cracker in one hand.

“Neither have I, but I think it’s fairly simple you just need to apply the correct amount of pressure,” he demonstrates by picking up the crustacean and cracking it at its weakest point before twisting it open.

He’s surprised he did it, so is she as she copies is movements and struggles a bit. “You got it, come on,” he encourages her as she squeezed so hard her hands shake but the shell does eventually crack.

She smiles like she just won the science fair, overly proud as they stare at each other. Enamoured already by just how cute the other was.

“So, what do you do for fun outside being a fed?” She teases between bites.

“I like to spend my time finding new things, I tend to go to the same spots often but I’m always looking for new places. I like the theatre, the old cemetery is nice, I’m excited for the new phantasmagoria to open this fall,” he explains all his interests as he cracks away at his dinner. “I just like to try and appreciate what’s out there, after everything I see.”

“That’s really nice, I’ve always wanted to go to a phantasmagoria actually, science magic is the best kind of magic,” she says it like it’s nothing, almost embarrassed by the interest.

“Me too, I love magic,” Spencer lights up, “I can actually do some magic, hold on.”

He digs his NA chip out of his pocket, showing it to her quickly before making it disappear and reappear behind her ear and she was so smitten, “how the heck?” She asked as she reached for her own ear, shocked at the fact he could do it.

“Do you always keep a coin on you for that?”

He thinks about it for a second, not knowing if he should tell her or not. “No, I keep this on me for support.”

He places it on the table, she picks it up instead and inspects it carefully, “2 years is a really long time, I’m really proud of you.”

He feels like he falls in love with her in that moment, she places the chip back in his hand and smiles, “it’s not easy to admit nor recover from, it’s something you should be really proud of Spencer.”

“Thank you,” he blushes, “um, is there anything else you want to know about me?”

She bites the inside of her lip as she thinks, “actually I was reading an article the other day that said there are a list of personal questions you can ask someone and by the end of all of them you should be in love with the person.”

He thought it was a good opportunity to take a sip of water, upon hearing the word love he realizes it was a mistake. He chokes lightly, coughing as he puts the glass back down and apologizes.

“Love?” He repeats the word.

“I’m going to be real honest here Spencer, I don’t date to get my heartbroken, I date to find my life partner so if you’re not interested in marriage or kids one day tell me now,” she’s very stern about it and he can tell she’s gotten her hopes up and heart broken before.

“I want that too, I just didn’t expect you to be so upfront about it,” he’s honest, because clearly that’s what she wants from him. “What was on the question list?”

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” She asks, remembering the questions easily.

“Wow,” he takes a moment to think about it, “alive or dead?”

“Sure, why not,” she shrugs.

“Probably biological Eve,” he comes to the decision rather quickly. “I’ve always been fascinated with the fact all humans can be traced back to one single women. I’m sure she was amazing, it must have been so interesting being the first women on earth.”

“That is the coolest answer anyone has ever given me,” she smiles, “I think I’d be boring and have dinner with Julia Roberts.”

“She’s a very talented actress,” he smiles, recognizing the name from Penelope’s movie nights. “Um, I have an eidetic memory, do you have the list I can just read it once and then we can spit it back and forth easily.”

She looks at him with wide eyes and a growing smile, “yeah hold on.” She takes out her cellphone and pulls up the article before handing it to him.

He reads it quickly and then hands it right back, she was amazed, surely it was a joke? “Would I like to be famous?” He repeats the next question to himself.

“No,” he’s very certain. “I’ve had some encounters with psychopaths who think they are my biggest fans, perfect match or my only rival, and it’s not fun. I’m sure being adored is lovely, but I don’t like the attention if it’s not from a good place.”

“So you want praise but you don’t want a stalker?” She dumbs it down slightly with a smile, “I definitely don’t want to be famous because I don’t like other peoples opinions about me.”

“That’s incredibly fair.”

“Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?” She asks the next one.

“If it’s for work or my mother, yes,” he answers it completely honestly. “I prefer not to make phone calls, so when I have to make them I typically spend the day before panicking.”

She smiles, “well, if you ever need someone to call tech support and pretend to be you, I am really good on the phone.”

“Like Penelope?”

She nods, “we spent a lot of time talking on the phone when she moved to Virginia for your team.”

“That must have been really hard, I’m surprised she hasn’t mentioned you yet?”

“I’m not really her sister,” she smiles, “I wish I was. I met her during a really abusive relationship and I didn’t feel close to my parents anymore, so my old name didn’t feel right either. Penelope and her brothers were the closest thing I had to family, so I took their name after my divorce.”

“That’s beautiful,” his smile is so soft, she wonders if he feels the same about Penelope.

“What do you consider a perfect day?” She moves on before she can pry into his personal life further, just to pry into his personal life further— in another direction.

“Nobody dies.”

“Even the bad guys?” She squints as she asks it, wondering if that was an appropriate topic for the first date.

“I’m not a fan of the prison system, and I’m really not a very big fan of suicide by cop, let alone lethal injection,” he explained. “Just because you’re a murderer or a psychopath doesn’t mean you have to die too, there is rehabilitation and a way to keep them sane and alive while keeping people safe. I just hate when people die.”

“Me too,” her smile is sad, “my perfect day would be having my parents back, I’d like to show them my degree and go out for ice cream and give them another hug.”

“We should have our perfect days back to back,” his voice is low, he was nervous to say it. “Cause then once you bring them back, I stop people from dying and they can stay forever.”

He sees her heartbreak as the tears well in her eyes, “that would be nice.”

“Um,” he clears his throat and then takes a sip of water. “When was the last time you sang to yourself, or someone else?”

“I was singing in the car on the way here,” she smiles with a sniffle, “I sing a lot actually. I’m always humming or tapping as well, if my mind is wandering then it has to make some kind of noise.”

“What is your favourite thing to hum?” He can’t stop himself from asking it, “I personally do the muppets, duh duh nanana, manamanah.”

She laughs again, and a tear slips out as her eyes close. She hurries to wipe it away, “I often find myself doing the teletubbies song, you know; ‘Tinky-Winky, Dipsy,’” she sings the words before humming the tune to match.

“That’s a good one too,” Spencer is really enthusiastic suddenly, the way he would be with Penelope. He was really comfortable. “If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?”

“Mind, because that’s how you keep a good body. If I can keep the strength and willpower to get up in the mornings and go to work and remember why I love being alive, I’ll be young forever,” she answers like it’s rehearsed.

“I was going to say I’d want my mind too, but the way you said it is a lot more elegant,” he teases. “My mom has Alzheimer's, you were honest about wanting kids and you should know that's genetic. I can also pass on schizophrenia and any other mental illness, like depression, bipolar disorder and most definitely anxiety—

“Spencer,” she reaches across the table for his hand, “breathe, that’s not scary to me. My grandma had it too, I’m not optimal gene-wise either.”

He takes a deep breath, “Sorry.”

“It makes you real to react like that, I don’t mind seeing that side of you. Fake strong men and men who compensate are the worst, in my opinion.”

“Mine too,” he agrees. “I am an anxious worrier, I barely sleep, I’m terrified of the dark, I have PTSD nightmares about my short stay in prison, and I cry a lot when I’m alone.”

“It was a mistake clearly? The prison stay, that is.”

“Yeah,” he nods, moving to the next question. “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

She laughs through her nose at the switch topic change, “well until I was 19 I thought my husband was going to kill me, then I thought maybe it would be myself, now I’m content dying in my sleep when I'm old.”

“It is ever-changing,” he agrees. “I have died before.”

“What did it feel like?”

She doesn’t ask how, she knows he was sober, she knows he’s been to prison, she knows he’s an agent. It wasn’t a surprise. Penelope even almost died once before, it was an unfortunate part of the job.

“Warm.”

“Like soothing warm, like drinking a hot chocolate, or that uncomfortable warm like being in a hot car?”

“Like a hug.”

Her lips purse, she hums a bit. “Yeah, my answer stays the same.”

“Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

“You like to learn,” she smiles again. “You enjoy the mysteries and the horribleness of the world because it keeps you grounded. You love your mom.”

“We love Penelope, our hearts have similar scars, life has been mean to us for no reason,” he adds 3 more for good measure.

“What are you grateful for in life?” She asks the next question.

“I’ve never said this before,” he prefaces, “but found family. If it wasn’t for my team, no matter who was coming and going over the years, anyone who has had my back. Anyone who loves me in any capacity. That’s what I’m grateful for.”

“We’re not even through the first set of questions and I can see why everyone loves you,” she admits. Moving far too fast, doing exactly what Derek wanted from her.

To scare him and see if he still stays.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Spencer stops the questions, “I can’t continue if I can’t tell you this.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Derek and Emily bet me $20 that I couldn’t get someone to fall in love with me, he wanted to set this up and then hit on you in a week and see if you picked me over him, and it feels like a really shitty thing to do to you. It’s making me feel like you’re an object more than a person and I feel really bad about it.”

She just laughs and he has no idea why. “He bet me that I could be as insane as I am with most of my dates and you’d still want to stay with me after a week.”

“You’re not mad?” He worries, by passing her words and the implications of it all.

“No, did you truly mean how you feel?”

“Yes…”

“Then I accept your apology, you’re really kind Spencer. I believe you when you speak, I trust you,” she explains her reasoning and he settles once more. “You’re the most real man I’ve ever met, I think.”

“Thank you,” he smiles again, reaching out for her hand once more, “do you want to finish these questions?”

“Not really,” she smirks, “I think they were wrong about all 35 of them making you fall in love with someone.”

“How so?”

“It only took me 9.”

It’s so absurd they start to laugh, making eye contact, they feel delirious. His hand in hers, she squeezes it lightly and he never wants to let it go.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Sure, did you drive?” She asks.

“No, I walked over.”

She gets up from the table and takes his hand once more, “well, are we going to mine or yours?”

“Are you living with Penelope?”

“Yours it is then,” she teases, bumping his shoulder. This was going to be fun.

Spencer pays for their meal and meets her out front, he gets in her passenger seat and gives her the directions. “Do you want to finish the questions on the drive?” He asks.

“Hmm, well, 11 is a long one, if you want to start telling me your life story in graphic detail? Or we can jump to 12 and you can tell me what super ability you’d like to wake up with?”

“Have you ever watched star trek?”

She’s not expecting that, it makes her take a double-take, she laughs lightly, “Yeah, why?”

“Deanna Troi can sense peoples emotions, I think that would really help with my job,” he explains it easily. “And in times like this.”

“I can just tell you,” she offers, pulling into his apartment complex, she can tell why he walked.

“You don’t have to yet, let it simmer,” he smiles softly, he’s not ready for her to make a decision like loving him when she really doesn’t know everything yet. “Come inside?”

She nods, getting out and taking his hand again for the walk inside. His house is green, and it makes sense. There are door wooden bookshelves and the distant smell of old books and spilled coffee, it’s dusty and old and very Spencer.

“Can I tell you some of my story?” She asks as she kicks her shoes off.

“Absolutely,” he follows her lead, “do you want anything, wine, water?”

“Wine would be nice,” she smiles, following him to the kitchen, “you know my favourite place to talk to someone is in the kitchen.”

“Why?”

“It's the heart of the house,” she smiles slightly, “that's what my mom used to say. This is where all the love happens.”

He loves her and he knows it already, she makes him happy and calm and if she’s in the heart of his house she might as well know all of his own heart.

“I was born in Vegas,” Spencer admits, pushing his life story past his lips before she can stop him or else he wouldn’t.

“My mom was a professor, my dad is an attorney, I have always been really smart and not so athletic, I enjoy chess and reading and I had big thick glasses as a child. My mom participated in a murder and my dad covered it up and that ruined their marriage but they blamed it on her schizophrenia when he left. And then I was left to raise her when she was supposed to be raising me. I cared for her until I turned 13, I left her during the weeks and my aunt would make sure she was okay and I would travel back and forth from CalTech and Vegas on the weekends.”

She can see the exhaustion on his face at just remembering it.

“I got my licence at 16, and then I took her car and it was easier. When I was 18 I put her in a sanatarium and sold her house and took a road trip with my friend to Virginia to go to the academy. He didn’t like it after a week and asked me to go with him to New Orleans and I didn’t— I met my mentor and joined the BAU instead. I was kidnapped and drugged by a man with DID… I died and then his personality switched and Tobias brought me back. I had an addiction to Dilaudid for a few months after, then I got sober after visiting Ethan in New Orleans.”

“Was he good to you?”

“Wonderful,” he smiles, “he was my shoulder to cry on for a long time and I didn’t realize how much I needed him in my recovery until we got a case and I had a reason to see him. I missed a plane and ignored my friends to just be with him. He’s the reason I got clean, not anything else… he told me that I was too special to hate myself, and he was right.”

“He was,” she smiles. “He sounds lovely.”

“And then, the first time I saw my mom after putting her in the sanatarium was because she told parts of our case to a man who lost his daughter, and he did a lot of messed up stuff… like he shot my co-worker. She was another special person to me—“

“I’m so sorry.”

He smiles, “she lived, don’t worry. I loved Elle, she was amazing but the bureau didn’t see that. She was a broken toy to them, we all become one eventually. I miss her a lot.”

She walks into his space and wraps her arms around him, giving him a hug as he rests against the counter, she makes no attempt to move back. Holding him in the heart of the house, close to her own. He holds her back just as tight.

“Maeve, she was another person I loved who got shot, she died. I see her sometimes when I sleep, she visits me when I’m in the most need. I’ll always love her, but she’s gone. The only other woman who claims to have loved me was a psychopath who is dead now too, she framed me for murder, had me drugged, kidnapped my mother and the list goes on and it’s not pretty. In prison she had a lot of bad things happen to me, I have scars that will never heal and a part of me was lost but I’m okay now.”

They have a moment of silence in the middle of their stories, she absorbs it while preparing her own, rubbing his back as her cheek stays pressed to his chest.

“I was born in California, my parents were high school sweethearts, they made me at prom. Learned that from the scrapbooks,” she laughs against his chest, “they were great and then they died when I was 14, it was a mass shooting at a mall, and I went to a foster home. I married the oldest son in the home after he groomed me for a few years… I met Penelope when I was 20 and she helped me get divorced and back on my feet and her brothers protected me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry you relate to loss.”

“It's the one thing that unites us all, really,” Spencer’s voice is barely a whisper. “When you think about it, we’re all born and we all die, the only difference is how we fill the middle.”

They never get to that bottle of wine he mentioned, she pulls back and asks the next question as she drags him to his bedroom. “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?”

“If I get to have kids.”

She drags him into the room and closes the door, “that was going to be my answer.”

“Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?” He asks as she starts to take her clothes off.

“Sleep beside the love of my life.”

“I’ve never woken up beside the love of my life,” he replies with a soft smile and follows suit, getting undressed down to their underwear before climbing in bed.

“Greatest accomplishment?” She asks as they settle in, laying her cheek on his chest once more.

He takes a moment to think of everything he’s done that has been good, and one really stands out. “there was a case a few years back, we found a bunch of kids who went missing and returned them to their families and gave answers to the families of children who didn’t make it. Days like that feel like a reward.”

“Getting divorced,” she pushes the words out quickly.

“Most valued friendship?” He asks, knowing she doesn’t need to explain herself.

“Penelope.”

“Derek.”

“Most treasured memory?”

“When JJ placed her son in my arms and told me I was his godfather,” his voice is hushed and she knows it’s because he doesn’t want to cry. “It's the closest I’ve gotten to being a father so far.”

“I got an end of the year present when I was first starting out, this girl told me that I was the reason she enjoyed reading again and it was the reason I started teaching, I’ll never forget her. Tammy Brownlee, she graduated in 2009 and we’ve been Facebook friends ever since.”

“Most terrible memory?”

“My parents dying.”

“You’d think mine would be dying right?” He asked, she nodded against his chest, “it was actually being held down by 3 men, getting a sock shoved in my mouth while they beat me.”

She kissed his chest softly, “I’m sorry, I know that feeling. Mind you, he was only 1 man, it’s not a good feeling.”

“If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?”

“If it’s definite; not like a chance or a cancer statistic, if it’s like this is the day you die no ifs and's or butts, then I’d just continue as normal and have 1 really awesome day right before,” she smiles against him. “Make the most of it all.”

“If I was dying a year today, I’d ask you to marry me.”

“Already?” She laughs, thinking he’s kidding.

“You want a nice husband and a kid? I will be good for you as long as I know you, and I’ll have as many kids as you want me to help you make.”

She’s silent as she thinks about it. “What does friendship mean to you?”

“Someone who is there for you even when they don’t want to be, even when it’s hard,” Spencer whispers, thinking about his friends.

“It means hacking the government and voiding a marriage and changing someone's name so they can escape,” Y/N whispers. “don’t tell the feds she did that too.”

“What roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“I crave it and hardly receive it, but I give it out like it’s a sample at costco,” she snickers at the example she gave. “It’s something that people have always admired about me and yet it’s also the thing that scares people away. When I love, I love hard and it’s full and annoying and you will feel suffocated sometimes, but just tell me when and I’ll back off.”

“I don’t know how to ask for what I need,” Spencer whispers. “But I need someone to love me like that.”

“The next one is to alternate 5 good things about each other,” she rests her chin on her hand as she looks up at his face in the darkness, “soft.”

He pauses for a moment, bypassing the easiest one and saying pretty, instead, he says; “you’re honest.”

“You’re very caring,” she replies.

“You see beauty in the world still.”

She smiles at that one, “you make the world beautiful.”

“You are beautiful.”

“And you’re handsome, that’s my 4th,” she keeps track in her head.

“You’re true, to your heart, your promises, everything.”

“And you’re real, you see the world for what it is and you don’t try to change it for the better. You want to make it manageable,” her explanation is the longest one yet. “Was your childhood happy, and do you feel close with your family still?”

“I write to my mom every single day and I drop the notes off weekly, and no,” he doesn’t want to cry, but he feels like he might again. “It was liveable, I made it.”

“Mine was happy until I was 14, then I was alone, I have 1 living aunt and she is strange but I get a card from her every Christmas,” Y/N adds. “I’d like to think your lack of love and my need to fill the world with what I miss from my parents will make a really good family dynamic.”

“Me too.”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” She asks, “I think I know already, but it’s the next one.”

“She hit me a few years ago because I made her take some medicine, she hit me once when I was a kid too…” he whispers them so that they stay a secret, if they can’t be heard else where then they don’t exist in his mind. “She was a wonderful mother but the worst memories stick out the most now. She’s forgetting everything and all I can remember is how hard it’s been on me, like a bad son.”

“My mom was my best friend, and I still talk to her every day, I bring her and my dad around with me in my necklace,” she pulls the chain on her neck and shows him the little jar. “Mom, Dad, this is Spencer. Spencer, this is my mom and dad.”

He holds it in his hand and tips it gently, “nice to meet you.”

“The next one is weird,” she changed the topic again.

“Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling…" Spencer says it verbatim. “We are both feeling understood.”

“We are both hopeful.”

“We are both falling in love,” Spencer ends the feelings with the most prominent one.

“We are,” she agrees with another smile.

“Finish this,” he insists on moving forward, “I wish I had someone I could share…”

“The rest of my life with,” she whispers this time. “If we become besties, what’s something I should know?”

“I think I’ve told you all the important stuff so far,” Spencer thinks hard, pausing for a moment. “My butt is ticklish?”

It makes her giggle, “that is a good one. My sides and the bottom of my feet are ticklish too.”

“Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met,” Spencer reads the question back from memory, “don’t be afraid to be too honest.”

“I like that you know how I feel but I hate that you’ve been hurt. I like how you listen to me, and I really like how comfortable you make me feel. I’m almost naked in your bed right now and I know you’d never, ever hurt me, and I haven’t felt that in a really long time.”

“I like that you are indulging me in the dream of becoming a husband and a dad one day… most people say it’ll happen but they never picture it. No one has ever said yeah id have your kids. I like that you know what you want and you’re actively looking for it.”

She moves up so she can hold his face in her hands, “only 7 more. Is it working?”

He nods, “my most embarrassing moment is the time I had a wet dream on the work jet.”

She laughs and then covers her mouth in panic, “I’m sorry that’s not funny.”

“It is, it’s fine,” he smiles. “I was dreaming about kissing this actress we helped, she actually did kiss me in the pool, so I guess it was bound to happen.”

She leans in and presses her lips against his, holding his cheeks in her hands his wrap around her waist as he holds her there. She peppers smaller kisses to his lips before pulling back, “we both cried in front of each other already today, so next question.”

“Tell me what you like about me already?”

Her hands trail his chest and down towards his boxers, he’s hard again from just kissing and she smirks, “this is promising.”

His hand on her back unclips her bra, “I love boobs, not even going to lie. They are my weakness.”

She pushes the straps down and tosses her bra aside, pressing her naked chest against his, she moves on. “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”

“Being called insane, saying I'm seeing things, or acting crazy, those are things I don’t like to be told because they make my anxiety worse.”

“Noted,” she smiles. “I talk to myself a lot so get ready for that.”

“Okay,” he smiles, she’s way too easy to be real.

“I don’t want to mention my last husband from here on out, I think if I get married again I will never tell anyone I have a first husband,” she’s firm in her words.

“Technically, Y/N Garcia has never had a husband,” he reminds her.

Her face lights up at the realization, “you’re right.”

“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?” Spencer asks.

“I regret not screaming at my ex before I disappeared but I wanted to live.”

He hums, understanding how it feels. “There isn’t anyone in specific I’ve wanted to tell this to, but I wanted to kill people when I was in prison. It made me really angry being in there and I let myself dream about killing people who hurt me and then I almost did kill someone.”

“Remember what you said about bad guys?” She whispers a helpful tip, “even the worst people deserve to have a chance at life. And you’re not hardly as bad as the worst people you’ve met.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “Thank you.”

“This place burns down, what’s one thing you’d run back inside for? Outside of people and animals…” she asks the 3rd last question.

“The book Maeve gave me.”

“The girlfriend who died?” She confirms, and he nods. “If my place with Penelope burned down, I just want my necklace and I don’t take it off that often.”

“The next question is interesting,” Spencer thinks about it, “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing, and why?”

“I’m glad I wasn’t at the mall with my parents, if I saw them get shot it would hurt more,” she whispers. “I’m sorry you had to see Maeve die like that.”

“In a way, I’m glad I saw Maeve get shot, otherwise I wouldn’t have believed it. She never felt real to me and then she was dead…”

She just hums, “Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it,” she whispers the last question.

“Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen,” Spencer adds in the second half.

“I need to find a place to stay now that I’m here, I don’t want to keep living with Penelope. As much as I love her, I want my own place,” Y/N admits.

“I think I’m in love with this girl that I just met and I don’t know if it’s too soon to ask her to look for a house with me?” Spencer pretends to sigh, “she’s super cool and I think we’d make some nice kids. I would love some advice.”

“Has she told you she loves you yet?” She teases.

Spencer shakes his head. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she replies, leaning in one more time to kiss him.

It’s deeper this time, she breathes him in and rests her forehead against his as she breathes between them.

“How did that work?” She whispers, truly amazed at how easy it was.

He shrugs, “it’s a good questionnaire.”

“You were really honest, your heart is really pure and I would like to get to know you more, but I feel like I know everything?” She shakes her head while she talks, overthinking all the things she has learned, “I don’t even know what could be left?”

“My birthday is October 28th?” He whispers, “we have a lot to discover yet.”

—

When she doesn’t come home in the morning, Penelope knows she’s at Reid’s house. She just doesn’t expect to walk in and find them naked in Reid’s bed, out cold and cuddled together with their clothes all over the room.

It looks like something happened. If only she knew the truth.

“Oh my god?” Penelope’s voice wakes them up and Spencer scrambles to make sure they are covered by his blankets.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N shouts as she wakes up.

“I came to see if you were okay. I expected one of you to be on the couch, I didn’t think it went this good?”

“We just slept in the same bed, I promise,” Spencer turned bright red as he panicked, “we just got to know each other and talked all night, in what we normally sleep in.”

“Uh-huh,” Penelope smirks, “so I take it the 36 questions worked?”

“Perhaps,” Y/N smirks back at her sister.

“Do you use it on many people?”

“No one has made it past the first question,” she smiles at him instead, kissing his cheek as Penelope watches.

“That’s my queue to go, um… yeah, wow, I didn’t see this happening so fast,” Penelope is shocked but in the best way.

She leaves just as fast as she arrived and Y/N settles back into Spencer the second she closes the bedroom door. “You know, if she’s not going to believe us we might as well do it? If you accidentally get me pregnant then we can move fast and no one will question it.”

He laughs, “accidentally, is the key word there.”

“My parents made me at prom after crushing on each other for 2 years… I think knowing each other for 2 days isn’t the weirdest way to start a family?”

“Honestly,” Spencer lets out a sigh and her happy mood drops to a more serious one. “I was a little worried that we’d wake up this morning and you’d change your mind.”

“Why?”

“In the heat of the moment, learning everything about each other and saying I love you was really exhilarating, but I have a hard time believing it,” he admits, “not many people mean it, or stay around after they tell me they love me.”

She cuddles back into the crook of his neck and holds him as tightly as possible, wrapping a leg around him for optimal coverage, “I am staying right here, because I love you, Spencer.”

“Okay,” he whispers. Sounding like he still doesn’t believe it.

“I love you because you’re honest, you want what I want and you’re truly kind. You’re friends with my sister, you’re smart, you would make a great dad, you won't hurt me, you are really nice to cuddle with, and I know you mean it when you say you love me because it’s not a word you use lightly.”

“Are you my girlfriend now?” He wonders aloud, “cause if you really want to have a kid, I have my mom's old wedding ring in my closet, and I would rather be married to you before we do that?”

“Okay,” she whispers, tears welling in her eyes as she hides her face in his neck, “the courthouse is literally just down the road?”

“We can get breakfast together after?” Spencer adds, rubbing her back as they plan, he wasn’t scared anymore.

“Penelope will kill me if she’s not there, can we have her as our witness?” Y/N finally sits up to look at him, pulling away to sit on the bed, still shirtless.

His smile while he tries to keep eye contact with her is so funny, she giggles a little as she hides her nipples behind her palms and cups her boobs.

“I’m pretty sure she’s still in my living room,” Spencer giggles, “Penelope!?”

She comes back in then, “yes?”

“We’re going to the courthouse to get married, wanna come?” Y/N asks with an embarrassed smile.

“Yes!” She cheers, “I’ll go get you a dress!”

And then she’s off again, this time actually leaving Spencer’s apartment. “What if we don’t tell Derek, and let him hit on me next week anyway?

“Then you can say ‘sorry I have a husband,’ and he’ll body slam me to the floor,” Spencer laughs nervously, “the whole team is going to be so pissed they missed my wedding…”

She frowns, “send out a mass text, tell them to meet us at the court house, it’s their day off right?”

“You’re right,” he smiles.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Walking out of the courthouse, hand in hand, she’s in a white dress, he’s in a suit he’d probably wear to work, Penelope is crying and the whole team is waiting outside for them.

At the bottom of the courthouse steps, they all clap and cheer, throwing rice at them like an old movie, Spencer’s smiling so hard his cheeks are burning. Y/N introduces herself to everyone, hugged over and over by everyone she should have met 15 years ago.

Derek is tapping his foot, waiting for Spencer to come and hug him, “what the fuck?” He asks as Spencer steps into his space, wrapping his arms around him and shaking his back and forth.

“Nice try, I’ll give you $20 as a thank you,” Spencer teases as he pulls away. “She is perfect.”

JJ and Will are busy talking to Y/N when he turns around, Mike and Henry not far behind them. Spencer walks over and wraps Henry up in his arms, the kid was growing way too fast, Spencer loved him so much it hurt sometimes.

“Y/N, this is my godson,” Spencer introduces them, “Henry, this is Y/N.”

She gives him a big hug too, “do you have any cousins, Henry?”

“No, but I was 8 when Michael was born,” he smiles, “and I’m getting old enough to be a good babysitter?”

Spencer laughed, messing up Henry’s hair quickly with a smile, “I’m sure by the time you’re a cousin you’ll be great.”

They take a group photo outside, Spencer and Y/N in the middle, everyone was smiling. It was the first time all of them had been in a photo together, the entirety of Spencer’s found family. Now they were Y/N’s too.

She hyphenated her last name, Y/N Garcia-Reid, and their kids would share the same one. He was not only about became a father thanks to Y/N, but Penelope would also become an Aunt once more. It was like a gift that kept on giving, seeing Spencer and Y/N create a little family of their own.

—

She cried her eyes out when she met Diana. She wasn’t expecting to be so emotional, but then Diana was lucid and very welcoming and sweet.

“It’s going to be a pleasure having you as my daughter,” Diana smiles, thinking it was just a nice thing to say.

Y/N cries and holds her so tight Diana almost can’t breathe but she lets her hold her as long as she needs to, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome?”

“I haven’t had someone to call mom since I was 14,” Y/N whispers, “if that’s okay?”

Diana hugs her just a little too tight in response, “you can call me mom whenever you want.”

“Just until you become a grandma,” she whispers again as she pulls back and Diana’s attention snaps to Spencer.

“Are you trying?”

He nods, “we want kids, we’re not getting any younger.”

Diana wraps him up in a hug and he almost falls off his chair at the sheer force of it, she was so happy for him. She knew this was all he’s ever wanted; because he would be good at it, he had all this love in his heart, and he wanted to show his father how easy it is to stay.

“You’re going to be a great dad, Spencer,” she holds his cheeks as she pulls away, “I’m proud of you.”

He cried. It’s all he’s wanted from her, and now he has everything right here in this room.

—

When they find out they’re pregnant after the first try, it’s really funny to them. It was all working so well, it was a little too much for them at first. They were looking for a house, she was looking for a permanent teaching job but Spencer convinced her to wait until after the baby is born to go back.

They name her Morgan Garcia-Reid as a thank you for Derek’s little bet, and before she’s even 6 months old they’re pregnant again. By the time they have 4 kids under 5 they take a break and just enjoy their little family.

To think Derek gave them 7 days to fall in love… and then they lived happily ever after.

taglist: @g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria@reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[griffsursparker]

re: traditional publishing

someone asked me to tell them what I knew about traditional publishing, and I decided it was way too much to put in their ask box, so I guess I'm making a post lmao

fair warning, I have spent so long in publishing circles that I no longer have any concept of what normal levels of knowledge about publishing are. if something doesn't make sense because I left out something thinking it was common knowledge, just ask and I can clarify! if I explain something really obvious, I'm not trying to be condescending, I just genuinely have literally no concept what is or isn't obvious anymore. im sorta just trying to cover some basics here so they may be too basic I have no idea hgdsghds

also disclaimer: publishing industries are generally fairlyyyy similar world-wide I think, but idk where you live/if you write in english, so if you're writing in a different language your mileage may vary with these a bit more (because like . . . I pay attention to all the publishing stuff I possibly can, but if conversations about certain aspects are happening in a language I can't speak, I'm going to miss them lmao)(but I think the general gist will still hold true)

I apologize if this is an information overload hgsdghds I am a nerd about this stuff and this is me trying to,,, hold back lmao

anyways because this seems like the easiest way to cover the basics, here is, to my understanding, a basic publishing timeline for trad pub:

first, of course, you get the book as good as you can make it yourself

next up, generally speaking you want to try to get a literary agent. there are occasional opportunities to submit to publishers directly, but they're going to take you more seriously if you have an agent (agents are also great because they'll help you advocate for yourself in contracts!)

to get an agent, you generally have to submit some combination of the following—it should say on their website which ones:

-- a query letter (think of this as similar to what you'd read on the back of a book)

-- a synopsis (a longer description, covering the whole plot)(a query letter will be focused on hooking attention; a synopsis is about proving you follow through on it)

-- the first ten pages/three chapters/etc. again, it should say

if an agent likes your query materials, they'll reach out and ask you for the rest of your manuscript, or in publishing lingo, you'll get a "full request"

if you get a full request, you'll send your manuscript over, and generally get one of three answers. (1) a rejection. (2) a request to revise and resubmit. or (3) an offer

#1, an unfortunate part of publishing is there are generally a lot of rejections. they hurt, but it's not personal—it might not be the right genre/style/etc for the person you submitted to, or maybe they just don't have time for a new project right now, or any number of reasons. they suck, but they're pretty much unavoidable. every single author you look up to has gotten them

#2, an R&R is generally a good thing, although if you don't like their feedback, you don't have to take them up on it. basically, it means they like your book a lot, but they're not ready to commit to it until you make some changes. sometimes, this means they aren't the right fit for you, but a lot of the time they'll have really good feedback, and it means they're genuinely seriously considering signing with you

#3, an offer, is of course the end goal, so we're going to carry on from here

if you get an offer, the first thing you're generally going to do is nudge any other agents who have your full manuscript. generally you'll have about ten days to two weeks to decide whether you want to accept the offer, so you want to let the other agents know that they're about to lose their chance to sign you—they're going to move looking at your book higher on their to-do list, and you may very well get more offers

so you have an offer (or offers! but even just one is enough and something to be hugely proud of). now you have to decide if the agent is the right fit for you/which agent is the best fit if you have multiple offers. one thing to note is you never have to sign with someone even if they're your only offer. if you talk to them, and realize you aren't going to work well with this person, it's okay to say no and keep querying other agents instead

once you have an agent, they might have edits for you. depends on the agent. if so, you'll do a round of edits here

next, the agent will submit to publishers for you. how involved you are in this process will depend on the agent (and also on you)

this process, or "going on sub", generally means a lot of waiting. it's slow. everything in this industry is slow. it sort of sucks, but the best thing to do is just . . . write something else. do your best not to worry about it. there ultimately isn't much you can do here—you sort of just have to wait and hope a publisher bites

I don't actually know much about the process of signing with a publisher, so I won't try to speak to it too much, but I do know bits and pieces about standard contracts and stuff if that interests you

once you've signed with a publisher, the next big step is going to be more edits

a lot of edits, actually

to my understanding you're going to do at least one round of structural edits (plot, character, etc. big picture stuff), at least one round of line edits (smaller stuff, tone, voice, etc), and at least one round of copy edits (grammar, etc). generally it'll be more than just three rounds though

it's up to you what edits you accept, but you are going to have to make a lot of edits if you want to pursue traditional publishing

then comes pass pages (proofreading proofreading proofreading!!)

and somewhere in there, likely before at least one round of pass pages, ARCs are generally going to come out!

ARCs are advanced readers copies, and they're a marketing thing. depending on the book, you might get a lot of ARCs, or you might just get some digital ones on NetGalley. this is the first time people in the general public will actually get to read your book (for the sake of reviewing it)

then: release day!

a few other things to note:

titles and covers:

if you want control over these . . . don't trad pub. you'll get some say, but at the end of the day, they're a marketing decision, so especially if you're a smaller author, you don't get ultimate say over these

payment:

first of all, you never ever pay a traditional publisher anything as an author. same goes for an agent. if they ask you to pay them, they're a scammer

an agent gets paid when you get paid. I'm unsure on the exact percentage, but they take a cut of what you get paid (I know, it doesn't sound great to give up some of your hard-earned money, but they're worth it, trust me)

a publisher pays you

most authors only ever see their advance, so this is a big one. when you sign with the publisher, they'll offer you xyz amount of money. this is your advance. you get this, no matter how many copies of your book sell

an advance is generally paid in instalments—how many depends on the publisher, but usually 2–5. one upon signing, and then generally the later ones will be upon turning in a revised book, upon publication, and then sometimes a year after publication, etc

then comes royalties. but an advance is essentially their estimate of how much you'll earn in royalties—it's them paying you royalties in advance. they cannot take this away if you don't earn that much in royalties, but you won't see any actual royalties until you "earn out", aka until your book sells enough copies to make up the advance

this is still all very simplified, but it's way too long already, so I'll leave it here lmaoooo

if you're considering trad pub vs self pub, the big things to keep in mind are how much control you want vs how much work you want to do. the publisher does a lot of the hard shit for you, but they do also have a lot of control over certain things. if you want your book published exactly the way you want it, self pub might be a better fit, and that's okay!

also: time. I know people who have self pubbed sheerly because they didn't want to wait years for their book to come out, and that is an entirely valid reason to do it. trad pub is slow as shit

@hahaha-darn-it (I know you're the only one who'll read this, but for the record didn't write this like,,, solely to you in terms of how I wrote it, so most of my stuff in here is general not like. aimed specifically and pointedly at you or anything lmaooo)

[whitesparrows97]

Love is a foolish thing

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x female reader

Warnings: drinking of alcohol, swear words, angst, mean people, jealousy, minor injuries, explicit sexual content including oral (female receiving, indication of male receiving), fingering, light spanking, little bit of dirty talk, protected and unprotected sex

Genre: Strangers to friends with benefits to lovers

Summary: Falling in love… it sounded so simple. Falling. Like one wrong step, a small stumble and you were deeply in love. But there was nothing easy about love.

Word Count: 20K

Note: My tumblr nearly crashed while trying to post this story because it’s too long. I really have no idea how that happened, I just couldn’t control myself. So nothing new. But what is new is the banner. This is the first time I created one (goodbye using gifs from tumblr) and I really hope you like it. (The gif of van Gogh’s Starry Night is not mine and I found it on giphy. The picture of Taehyung he posted himself when they were touring in Berlin.)

Also a little disclaimer: English is not my first language so please excuse any mistakes! I’d normally split a story this long into chapters but because this is a story for the btswritersclub fic exchange, I decided to post it as a oneshot. I really hope you’ll like it @taetaesbaebaepsae !

intro: new beginnings

He felt the thumping bass throughout his body and welcomed the tingling sensation on his skin with a wide grin as he pushed his way through the crowd. His gaze slid over the countless faces as he passed them; most of whom he had seen before on campus or at previous parties.

Faces were what he could remember.

The bone structure of the face, how their hair framed their face, their facial expressions… These were all things that could not be easily changed and what made a person unique. No matter how much they changed, dyed their hair or cut it off altogether, wore a lot of makeup or none at all – there was something that didn’t change, no matter how hard they tried. And that’s exactly what Taehyung saw in people, which was why it was easy for him to recognize people, even if he had only run into someone once in the hallway. 

For a long time, it had felt like a curse to Taehyung. Nowadays, he knew how to use that gaze to his advantage. It helped him especially in his studies and his art teacher had praised him more than once for having that special sight.

There was one thing, however, that he had a lot of trouble with.

“Hi, Taehyung!” A young man appeared in front of him, shouting against the loud music. 

Taehyung shifted his gaze down to look the shorter man in the eye. The young man grinned at him, a bit wryly and a red plastic cup in one hand, which judging by his already glazed look was not his first cup of the evening. 

He put on a smile and nodded. “Hey…” 

Names were the thing he just couldn’t remember, for the life of him. He was glad he knew his best friend’s name after all these years. Even if every now and then he found himself thinking before it thankfully came back to him. It was frustrating to know so many people, to recognize them, but to have forgotten what their name was. 

Taehyung didn’t wait for an answer, but with another smile apologized to the young man in front of him, who had already started moving clumsily to the music again. Taehyung doubted that he even noticed that Taehyung had disappeared. 

He gave a wide berth to the area in the center of the room that had been chosen as the dance floor this evening and instead kept close to the walls. From there, he could get a rough idea of who all had come to this party on a Thursday night.

Despite the loud music, he could hear the loud voices, buzzing conversations and peals of laughter. Here and there, yelling mingled in. The first visitors to the party were already clinging to the shoulders and upper arms of their friends, which were the only reason they were still standing upright. 

Taehyung shook his head, laughing softly when he saw this. He hadn’t been that late; a glance at his watch showed him that the party had only started a little over an hour ago. But it was summer, which meant that the semester would soon be over. And with that came all the exams, so Taehyung couldn’t blame anyone for needing time off from studying. 

As he looked over the various groups of people, his gaze lingered on a face he didn’t recognize. 

Intrigued, he slowed in his walk. 

He frowned and his smile disappeared as he looked at you intently from head to toe. His father had once described this facial expression as his “artist’s expression”. When he was so engrossed in a painting or drawing that he didn’t notice how his eyebrows drew together and deep wrinkles formed in his forehead. Even now he could hear his mother scolding him that the wrinkles eventually wouldn’t go away anymore. 

When he had explained to her that wrinkles told more stories than words ever could, that they were charismatic, she had shaken her head with a smile. 

Taehyung’s gaze lingered on your lips, which had formed into a relaxed smile as you listened to someone talking to you. Min Yoongi, his best friend and a music student in his final semester.

Taehyung didn’t know what the two of you were talking about or if you knew each other, but you seemed to get along well.

He continued to watch you for a brief moment before you seemed apologetic and then disappeared towards the kitchen with your cup in hand. Determined, Taehyung walked towards his best friend and when he was only a few feet away, Yoongi looked up. 

“Hey,” the older of the two said, nodding at Taehyung. He took a sip from his cup and let his gaze roam the room, just as Taehyung had done moments before.

“Hi,” he greeted back, eyeing Yoongi for a moment. “Who was that?”

Yoongi laughed into his cup and shook his head with a grin. “You must know everything and everyone, don’t you?”

Taehyung shrugged, but didn’t contradict him. “I just like to get to know the people I study with.”

Yoongi snorted at his statement. “Even if I told you her name, you’d forget it in half an hour anyway.”

Taehyung couldn’t object to that either. It probably wouldn’t even take half an hour. Sometimes Taehyung felt as if names went into the one ear and right out the other without even a brief stopover at his brain. 

“You know,” Yoongi began, raising an eyebrow, “women usually aren’t too keen on being called by the wrong name by mistake. Just a little advice.”

Now Taehyung was the one who snorted. “Thanks, you seem to know a lot about that. Should be a little careful with your new girlfriend. Just a little advice for you,” he repeated Yoongi’s statement and Yoongi grinned.

For a moment there was silence between the two men. Only the loud, booming music and the buzz of voices filled the pause between them. 

“Y/N,” Yoongi then suddenly said, “her name is Y/N. She studied in another city before and came to this university for her master’s.”

“What did she study?”

“Why don’t you ask her that yourself if you’re so interested?” 

Taehyung raised his glass, which was almost empty anyway, downed it in one gulp and made his way to the kitchen where you had disappeared to. 

. . .

“So you’re Y/N. Right?” Taehyung didn’t show how proud he was that he had been able to remember your name. 

You nodded and waited for him to introduce himself. “Well… Are you going to tell me yours or do I have to guess?” you asked after a short silence when he kept studying your face but no words came out of his mouth.

“Oh, sure,” he blurted out, startled by this question for a second, “I’m Taehyung.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his hand twitch, as if he wanted to shake your hand and you had to stifle a grin. 

But Taehyung had seen the corners of your mouth move upward. “Are you laughing at me?” he asked, holding a hand to his heart in feigned hurt. 

“No, no,” you placated him, but any further attempt to explain was interrupted by your laughter rising inside you. Taehyung looked at you through narrowed eyes for another moment before a grin spread across his face as well.

You liked his smile. You noticed it right away, even though you had only been talking for a few minutes. 

Your gaze lingered on his lips for a moment too long and when you looked back into his eyes, his grin had widened even more and there was an amused glint in his gaze that hadn’t been there before. 

You had to avert your gaze and let your eyes wander around the kitchen. You didn’t know what it was, but his gaze made you nervous. It was intense. As if he was looking right through you.

“Do you want to dance?” he asked, bringing you back from your thoughts. 

Instead of giving an answer, you took his hand and led him back to the living room. 

The dance floor had not emptied in the meantime, rather the opposite was the case. By now most of the guests at the party were crowding onto it, so that the entire room had become a dance floor. And even the people who were standing on the sidelines and preferred to watch the spectacle from a distance were persuaded to dance. 

You made your way past sweaty bodies until you finally found a place where you could move a little more freely. The song that was playing was energetic and fast – and while the other people around you were jumping up and down, singing along loudly and off-key to the lyrics, Taehyung surprised you when he put an arm on your waist and pulled you close to him.

The two glasses of alcohol you had already drunk were slowly but surely making themselves noticeable. A pleasant warmth flooded through you as you felt Taehyung’s strong hands on your hips, moving you to the beat of the music. That, and the fact he smiled at you whenever you locked eyes made your heart beat a little faster. 

Especially when his thumb drew little circles on the small sliver of bare skin where your shirt had ridden up. The air was stuffy and sweaty, but at that moment you didn’t mind it one bit. 

Taehyung leaned forward and your breath hitched when his lips touched your ear as he said, “You’re beautiful.”

You waited with your eye roll until Taehyung had leaned back again, so he definitely caught your gesture. Immediately, his eyebrows shot up. 

Now it was up to you to lean forward. “Can’t you think of anything better?”

Taehyung thought for a moment, and if you hadn’t felt his hand on your lower back, pulling you closer and closer to him with each movement, you would have thought he was completely lost in thought. 

But then you saw the corners of his mouth twitch up as he tried to suppress the grin. 

Again he leaned forward toward you, but this time he didn’t speak directly. Instead, you first felt his lips against the shell of your ear, and then gasped in surprise as he gently bit your sensitive skin. The deep, throaty laugh that followed sent jolts of electricity through your veins. 

“I could also say that you look incredibly hot and caught my eye as soon as I arrived.” 

You were completely stilled in your movements and the hand that had been on your hip before had crept up to your neck. His slender, long fingers danced on your sweaty skin and your eyes fluttered closed as you savored the sensation he and his fingers were causing. 

You almost forgot about his lips against your ear, which made you flinch as Taehyung spoke the rest of his sentence. “And none of it would be a lie.”

When you opened your eyes again, the hand had disappeared from your neck and resumed its place on your hip. You didn’t speak a word, your looks said enough. And when your eyes wandered lower for a moment and came to rest on his lips with that mischievous grin, the outcome of the evening was sealed.

. . .

Your back hit the wall behind you and you let out a soft “Oh” in surprise. Taehyung took the opportunity and his tongue slipped between your open lips into your mouth. You moaned as he explored your mouth, which spurred Taehyung on even more. 

His hands traveled down your torso, down your sides, and finally grasped your hips. Then he pulled you tighter against him so that you were locked between him and the wall behind you. Even though you didn’t feel locked in at all. You hadn’t felt this free in a long time. 

Your hands reached out between your two bodies on his torso, and you felt the muscles under his shirt twitch as your fingertips brushed almost delicately over sensitive areas. His lips turned into a grin before he kissed you passionately again. 

His fingers wandered lower and finally wrapped around one of your thighs. They dug pleasantly into your flesh, making you hum contentedly. With a sudden exclamation of surprise from you, he lifted your leg and the moan you both gave as your hips met was muffled when your lips crashed into each other once again. 

But it wasn’t just his hips you felt against yours. You felt him hard, right between your legs as he circled his hips against yours. 

He wandered his mouth along your jaw first before kissing down your neck. “You are so receptive to my touch,” he said softly, but in the otherwise silent room, his voice sounded loud and clear. His hot breath tickled you, making you shiver as Taehyung ran his tongue along your neck. 

“Sorry,” you laughed softly when you shuddered again as his tongue explored the contours of your collarbone.

His grip around your hip and thigh strengthened before he let go of your neck and straightened up. He released one hand and gently stroked your hot cheeks with it as his gaze darted back and forth between your eyes. “You never have to apologize for being sensitive to touch. That just tells me I’m doing everything right.”

And how right he was. 

“Do you have condoms?”

Your question made him pause, and a second later he gently let your leg slide back to the floor. He seemed to think for a moment, an index finger pressed to his lips before he stuck it up in the air as if he had a sudden idea. You watched as he walked toward the bed and opened the nightstand drawer. He rummaged around in it for a moment, and you grimaced as you thought about Taehyung digging around in other people’s things.

“Bingo,” Taehyung exclaimed, reaching into the drawer and tossing a package onto the made bed. “Unopened,” Taehyung added as he turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow. 

“Don’t be mean,” you said, but had to smile as well. His smile was contagious. “Just be glad the person doesn’t seem to be having that much sex… it’s to our benefit right now.”

“That,” Taehyung countered, “or that’s a new pack because he just fucks a lot.”

You couldn’t hold back your grunt when you heard his statement, that’s how dryly he said it. “Whose room is this, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Taehyung said and looking around for a moment. 

You didn’t need to check, because you couldn’t have known the person. It could even be Taehyung’s room for all you knew. You didn’t even know who the host was at that party. A girl, Grace, from one of your seminars had approached you yesterday and invited you. You hadn’t seen her all evening and wondered if she had shown up yet.

With slow and deliberate steps, you walked toward the bed in front of which he stood. As you came to a stop in front of him, you noticed his frown in the dim light. “What is it?”

“I hope you don’t think of me as being unprepared or expecting us not to use contraception.” He held your gaze as if he were watching every little emotion in your face. “I didn’t plan on doing this tonight, so I didn’t come prepared.”

Your hands wandered up along his sides, feeling the muscles under his T-shirt. “So,” you said softly, looking back up at him, “you don’t do this kind of thing often?”

A mischievous grin had stolen onto his face in return. “Occasionally,” he admitted with a shrug, “but probably less often than you’re thinking right now.”

You were about to reply something when suddenly the door was yanked open behind you and the music from the living room could be heard more clearly all at once. Surprised, you turned around.

“Oh,” a guy laughed when he caught sight of the two of you. A girl stumbled into him as he stopped so suddenly in the doorway. 

“This place seems to be occupied,” the girl laughed now, too, eyeing the two of you. 

Her boyfriend – or acquaintance – also caught her glance. “Or are you two interested in–”

“No,” Taehyung said firmly, before the other could fully ask his question. He stepped out from behind you and it only took a few long strides before he arrived at the door. “We’re not. Thank you.” With those words, he pushed them both out of the room and closed the door. “Shit,” he muttered.

With nimble fingers, you opened the box of condoms and grabbed one before heading towards the door as well. Taehyung had leaned forward and seemed to be examining something on the door. Or rather, something that wasn’t there.

“What’s wrong?”

He straightened up again and made a head movement toward the lock. “There’s no key.”

“Okay?” you asked, “Is that a problem?” Your fingers gently stroked his upper arm, squeezing it once firmly, and Taehyung understood. He raised an eyebrow and the next moment he spun you around and your back hit something again, this time it was the door. There was a dull thud as your back hit the wood and you felt it give in from Taehyung’s strength. You just hoped it would hold for the next few minutes…

“Not at all,” he whispered in your ear and you bit your lower lip to stifle the wanting moan that almost fell over your lips. You closed your eyes to fully concentrate on Taehyung’s lips, his teeth which left red and blue marks on your sensitive skin. 

Your eyes fluttered open in surprise, however, as Taehyung’s lips suddenly disappeared and he slid down to the floor so that he was kneeling in front of you. His eyelashes cast long shadows in the dim light of the bedside lamp, and absentmindedly you brushed his hair out of his face. 

“I know I’m repeating myself and that you don’t want to hear it, but you’re so beautiful.” His long fingers found their way under your top and every little bit of skin he bared was covered by his lips a short time later. What remained was heat – heat that coursed through you and eventually accumulated in your abdomen. 

You were about to pull him back to his feet by his shoulders when his fingers found your jeans button and a moment later you heard the opening of a zipper. His hand found yours, which was still clinging to the condom as if it were an anchor and which he took from you before guiding your hand to his head. As you looked down at yourself, fingers buried in his hair as if you’d done it umpteen times before, your eyes met. 

Lust and mischievousness were in his gaze, the smirk hidden from your perspective, but you saw the glint in his eyes as he pulled down your pants along with your underwear. 

. . .

“And then he went down on me.”

“He what?” Grace looked at you in surprise.

You cleared your throat. Your cheeks were warm and you tried to avoid her curious gaze. “He went down on me.” 

You wanted to end this conversation as quickly as you could. You didn’t even remember how Grace had talked you into telling her about last Thursday in the first place. But Grace had pestered you for so long, until you finally caved in. She had seen you disappear into that bedroom with Taehyung, which was why you couldn’t deny anything. 

“Oh. Wow.”

“Oh, come on,” you said, trying to downplay the subject. With a little more force than necessary, you shut your laptop and shoved it into your backpack. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“You bet it is,” she whispered-shouted, earning a few scowls from the nearby students. She quickly apologized to them in a softer tone. “You bet it is,” she repeated, quieter this time, as you walked toward the library exit. “No guy does this on a one night stand.”

“I’m sure there are some.”

“You wouldn’t give a blow job either, would you?” she completely bypassed your argument. 

The door slammed shut behind you and you took one deep breath. You loved the fresh evening air in early summer… especially when you had been sitting in the stuffy library for hours. Even though some loved the smell of the old books and dusty paper, it mainly caused you a headache and the unspeakable pressure before your next exams. 

“I’m just saying,” Grace continued to explain, “you can’t be sure if the person is clean.”

“I am clean,” you muttered, feeling a little affronted. “I told him that beforehand.”

“On the other hand, yeah, he can wear a condom I guess. Hmm…” 

For a moment, you wondered if you were in a parallel universe, where Grace was walking the path to the dorm alone and therefore not responding to you. But then she turned around and looked at you with waggling eyebrows. “Did you come?”

“Grace,” you sighed, wanting the questioning to stop. Instead of answering her, you countered, “I should have just ignored you those few weeks ago when you sat down next to me in the seminar.”

“And would be alone to this day? That would be so sad.”

You rolled your eyes. “At least then I wouldn’t have to let you pepper me with your questions.”

“True again,” she said with a shrug, “but then you wouldn’t have anyone to brag to about the great sex you had either.”

You said nothing in reply, but kept your gaze firmly focused on the building a few hundred feet in front of you. 

“Or miserable sex we can make fun of?”

That elicited an annoyed groan from you, and finally a shake of your head. “First of all, we don’t make fun of anyone at all, no matter how good or bad someone is in bed.”

“Okay, Miss Diplomacy.” A pause arose and it amused you to see Grace growing more impatient by the second. “Okay and so what? So was he good?”

Sighing, you nodded, “Yes, he was.” Before Grace could clap her hands in delight, you quickly added, “I didn’t come, though.” The words came out of your mouth faster than normal. 

She just snorted, though. “Then trust me, this won’t be the last time.” 

You raised an eyebrow. “We both agreed that this will be a one time thing.”

“Well, look at it this way,” she began, and with a beep, her student ID was confirmed and the glass door to the building slid open. “Did he notice you didn’t come?” You nodded. “Then he’ll certainly have the urge to prove himself all over again.”

You thought for a moment, letting Grace’s words run through your mind. “Oh, I don’t know. It wasn’t because of him.”

“Then what was it about? Couldn’t you relax?”

You nodded again. “The whole situation was unfortunate,” you began to explain in more detail. “I felt like someone was going to burst into the room at any moment and–” You bit your lip, trying not to say the rest of the sentence.

Grace gave you a meaningful look. “And?”

You had arrived outside your room and nervously played with your key card. “It’s just…” Ringing for words, you looked down at the floor until you finally looked up in frustration. Grace looked at you patiently, seeming to notice how hard it was for you to talk about it. “He was so… gentle.”

When Grace heard that, she had to grunt.

“Hey,” you countered, smacking her on the upper arm. 

“Ouch.” She grimaced as she rubbed the sore spot. “Would you have preferred him to be rough?”

You tilted your head and considered. Grace laughed when she saw that.

“I’m just saying,” you said, now serious again, “No one night stand I’ve had has tried this hard. I guess, I’m just a bit surprised, that’s all.”

“Then why don’t you talk to Taehyung,” Grace replied, still a grin on her face as she walked backwards down the hall to her room, “Maybe he won’t try so hard next time.” You could still hear her giggling, even as she disappeared around the corner and out of your field of vision. 

. . . 

falling into habits

Taehyung moaned and thrust deeply into you one last time before coming to a stop inside of you. He braced himself on his forearms to avoid crushing you under his weight while you both caught your breath. Silently you lay in Taehyung’s bed before he finally reached between your bodies, held the condom tightly, and pulled out before finally rolling off of you. 

He didn’t bother to get up and dispose of the used condom, just tied it together, lazily wrapped it in a tissue, and rolled back onto his back so that he was lying next to you. 

For a moment you lay like that next to each other, completely detached from the world that was going on outside Taehyung’s apartment and instead in one where only the two of you existed. 

But then you picked yourself up with a discontented sigh, and awkwardly climbed over Taehyung, who made an attempt to hold you by the waist. Laughing softly, you batted his hands aside and a second later your bare feet came into contact with the carpet. 

Your fingers found your panties and quickly you slipped them back on. So did your jeans and your T-shirt. You glanced back and saw Taehyung still lying naked in his bed, on his stomach now, while the bedspread covered his lower half. Your gaze slid down his trained back nonetheless, and you bit your lips as images of the last few minutes popped into your head. Or rather hours, as you silently cursed when you glanced at your phone. 

You heard Taehyung laughing tiredly behind you. “Why’re you cursing?”

As you continued to gather the rest of your things, you briefly glanced over your shoulder back at the bed. Taehyung had turned his head so he could watch you. 

“I’m late,” you explained to him, stuffing your belongings into your bag, which you unceremoniously slipped on. 

Taehyung groaned and buried his face in the pillow. 

“Can’t you skip it and stay here instead?” His voice sounded muffled and you wanted to go back the few steps to run your fingers through his tousled hair. 

But you couldn’t.

“I’ll see you in a few days.”

“That’s not soon enough,” he whined and shook his head. 

“I think my group would kill me if I didn’t come to the meeting. Besides,” you added a little louder, worried that Taehyung would fall asleep otherwise, “I’m already grateful to them for accepting me into their group in the middle of the semester in the first place. I don’t want to cause any more inconvenience.”

You heard only a displeased murmur from Taehyung’s direction and threw a quick goodbye into the room before leaving his apartment. 

The walk to the campus took you half an hour, even if you hurried. However, you could use the time well to reflect on the last weeks. 

After your conversation with Grace, it had only taken a few days for you to receive a message from an unknown number. Yoongi had given your phone number to Taehyung through Grace ��� which Grace had commented with an “I told you so” – and a day later you had met up. 

This time hadn’t been at a party, but at his home, and quickly one thing had led to another. You hadn’t even taken a seat on the sofa properly before your lips had crashed into each other.

You had never talked about where this was going with you – and if it was going anywhere at all – but for now you were pleased with how easy everything was with Taehyung. You were on the same wavelength, he made you laugh, and the sex was good. Great even. That’s all you needed right now. And honestly, that’s all you wanted right now. Relationships meant drama and in the end at least one person got hurt. 

Out of breath, but fairly punctual, you arrived at the workroom where you had arranged to meet your group. The others were already there, but no one seemed to mind that you had arrived a few minutes late.

You spent the next two hours putting together the topics you had worked on and writing them into the presentation. You had been surprised when you first met and found out that everyone had done their work. You worked hard and expected the same from others, and as you had explained to Taehyung, you were glad that the group had accepted you at all. 

After all, by then well over half of the semester had passed, and in the beginning you had inevitably set the group back in their schedule. While the others had already been working on comparing the similarities and differences between their novels from The Modern Period, you had been reading your novel and gathering notes at lightning speed so that you could now sit together and pretty much finish the presentation. Each of the four of you would still have to write your own essay, but you knew you could do that in two to three days. You had all the information, so all you had to do was put it on paper. 

Relieved and satisfied, you sighed as your bones cracked when you stretched your arms high above your head and arched your back. 

“Wow, we really got something done today,” Toni said, visibly satisfied as she scrolled through the presentation one last time. 

An approving nod went through the group and Thomas also closed his laptop with a quiet click. 

“Do you want to join us for a drink?” Mia looked at you through her delicate glasses, which she pushed back up her nose with an index finger.

You didn’t have to think twice, because you were happy about any invitation. So a smile spread across your face before you nodded. 

Conversations and laughter accompanied you down the stairs and you were so engrossed in a conversation with Toni that you didn’t notice the person waiting in front of the entrance of the building. It was only when you heard your name called out to you that you turned your attention to the person. 

Taehyung, you realized with surprise.

“Hi,” you greeted him, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, “what are you doing here?” 

“Hey you. I thought I’d pick you up.” He had both hands buried in the pockets of his sweatpants and had thrown on a hoodie to protect himself against the coolness of the summer evening. 

You took the few steps back to Taehyung, noticing at the edge of your awareness how the others’ conversations had fallen silent. 

“Pick me up? For what?”

Taehyung shrugged. “Yoongi and Grace invited us. I think they both wanted to watch this new movie that started in theaters a few days ago.”

“Oh.” You looked over your shoulder at the others and saw the three of them glance quickly to the side before your eyes could meet. 

“Oh?” Taehyung repeated, taking his hands out of his pockets. Some disappointment spread across his face, as if he had expected a different answer. 

You heard a “Is that Kim Taehyung from Fine Arts?” and a “Fine he is definitely,” which made you pause for a moment. 

“Well… I uhm, I actually wanted to go out with the others. They just asked me if I wanted to join them.” You pointed your thumb over your shoulder to the group, which had now started whispering quietly. 

“Ah I see,” Taehyung said and his grin was back when he heard that, “So you’re making friends?”

“Taehyung,” you said, your voice sounding more whiny than you had intended. 

“It’s all good,” he laughed and before you knew what was happening, he had put an arm around you and pulled you against him for a moment. You froze, surprised about the sudden public display of affection. 

His perfume was still in your nose even when he had already let go of you and taken a step away. “Have a nice evening then. Text me when you get home okay or need someone to pick you up. I’ll stay awake until then.”

And without further ado, he smiled at you again before walking past you. As he passed the group, he waved to them and again wished you a good evening. You watched as he grew smaller and smaller in the twilight of the evening, the farther away he got, before finally disappearing behind a corner. 

All evening you couldn’t get his grin and the scent of his perfume out of your mind and nose. And more than once you wondered if it would have been better if you’d made a different choice. 

. . .

what am I to you?

The apartment door was yanked open, revealing a beaming, smiling Grace. 

“Hello, you two,” she greeted you with a sly smile before stepping aside, thus allowing you into the apartment. “Did you find your way here okay? When I first came to Seokjin’s apartment I got lost.”

You kicked your shoes off your feet and whispered a “thank you” at Taehyung as he took them from you and placed them neatly next to the countless others. 

“Sure,” he answered Grace’s question, straightening up again. 

In the narrow hallway, he looked huge, as if his shoulders were almost touching the two walls. You could only see his back as you walked to the voices that seemed to be coming from the living room. Music was clearly audible playing over the stereo, but quiet enough that you could talk without having to shout. You couldn’t deny the slight nervous tingle that had formed on your skin. 

Your eyes fell on Taehyung’s hand. You would only have to stretch out your arm a little and then your fingers would touch his fingertips. 

Your arm, which had lifted slightly on its own, fell limply back to your side. You kept your hands to yourself, even though nervousness was spreading through you. Like a balloon, it inflated before bursting as you stepped through the door into the room. Ten, twelve faces looked up as the three of you entered the room. You were relieved that there was no big fuss about it, but the others greeted you briefly and then continued in their conversation, which you had interrupted. 

You took a seat on the sofa next to a girl you didn’t know. But she looked nice.

Unnoticed, your eyes followed Taehyung, who took a seat at the other end of the sofa and returned Yoongi’s handshake. The two of them jumped right into an animated conversation. 

You were so focused on the two of them that you didn’t notice the look the girl next to you was giving you. Until she finally cleared her throat and you winced, caught and startled. 

“Sorry,” she smiled apologetically at you, “I didn’t quite catch your name. What’s your name again?”

“Y/N.” You had to clear your throat as only a croak came out at first. “And what’s your name?”

“Emilia, but feel free to call me Emmy.” She gave you another genuine smile, which you returned. Even your last bit of nervousness fell away from you as you lapsed into pleasant small talk over the next few minutes. 

It got even easier as Grace placed a glass of freshly mixed cocktail in front of you on the coffee table and dropped to the floor at your feet. You were all the more relieved to have her by your side and not have to answer every question, but to sink into the back of the sofa for a moment and just follow the conversation.

Inevitably, your gaze slid to Taehyung and it surprised you when your eyes met. 

When Taehyung saw this, he grinned at you. You had talked on the way about how awkward it was for you that he knew all the other guests and you knew no one except for him and Grace, and a bit of Yoongi, though mostly from Grace’s or Taehyung’s stories.

That’s why you could interpret his grin well. You knew what he was going to say, even if you didn’t have a chance to talk right now. 

“See, it’s not so bad.” 

You had spent so much time with him the last few weeks that you could practically hear his deep voice in your head. A warm feeling spread through you, even when he had already averted his gaze and was absorbed in talking to Yoongi again. 

That’s how the hours of the evening went by. 

You played a never-ending round of Uno, in which you didn’t come last (you preferred to hide the fact that you came second to last), and other card games. No drinking games, which you were happy about. No forcing to drink so everyone could drink what they liked, when they liked. 

At one point, Taehyung and Grace had switched places and you got all hot as he leaned against your shins. Him and Emmy knew each other since the first semester, as you found out. It made you feel weird, knowing that they knew each other for years, while the both of you only met a few months ago.

Nonetheless you enjoyed the evening, and feeling so protected by Taehyung that you didn’t even look at your phone every few minutes out of habit. Therefore, you had no idea what time it was. Only the slowly emerging tiredness told you that it was probably time to go home. 

You knew you would sleep well that night. Maybe you would spend the night at Taehyung’s place too – this would be a first. 

However, your good mood was abruptly over with one, harmless sentence.

“How do you two know each other anyway?” Emmy looked at you with interest and at first you were perplexed, so surprised at this question that you just sat there stiffly. 

Most of the others were engrossed in conversation and didn’t notice this awkward situation. Because what were you supposed to answer? You were not together. You didn’t even know if you wanted to and you had never talked about it in the first place. It had always been kind of clear that there was a sexual attraction between you – but something beyond that? 

You couldn’t answer that. 

Your gaze flickered to Taehyung for a second. Why didn’t he tell his long time friend about you? She didn’t even know your name… Had Taehyung never mentioned you to his friends before? 

You were just getting ready to speak, to make a not very explanatory statement, when Taehyung beat you to it. “We met at a party.” He reached for his glass and took a sip while making a hand gesture between the two of you. “We haven’t known each other that long, just for a few weeks.”

Emmy raised her eyebrows as if she’d expected a different answer – and she wasn’t the only one. She gave you a small smile and turned to Seokjin, who was sitting next to her and, as you had learned that night, was not only the host but also the entertainer of the evening. 

You turned your gaze from Seokjin and Emmy back to Taehyung, who was talking across the table with another young man whose name you had already forgotten. It had been too many names for one evening. But what surprised you a little was how quickly Taehyung had pushed the subject aside. 

Was that all? 

You hadn’t known yourself what you would have answered, but you were sure it would have been more than Taehyung’s answer. Something else. 

For the next half hour, you were exceptionally quiet, which Taehyung also noticed. He turned to you and squeezed your knee once, almost affectionately. “Are you tired? Do you want to go home?”

You nodded silently, barely able to look him in the eye. What was wrong with you? As if two sentences had tipped your mood 180 degrees. From one extreme to the other…

When you stepped into the cool summer night, you took the opportunity to take a deep breath. The alcohol and the heat in the living room had clouded your mind. That had to be it. 

But even on the way home – to your apartment – your mood didn’t seem to lift. Taehyung’s jokes and casual comments, which would normally make you smile, were exhausting at that moment and you were about to tell him that you could walk the rest of the way on your own. 

Then he suddenly stopped as if rooted to the spot and you had to walk a few steps back again. For a moment there was only silence. In the distance you heard shouting and laughter and the occasional car passing you by, bathing you in its warm yellow light. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

A simple question. No simple answer. So you just shrugged your shoulders. “Nothing, why?”

He clicked his tongue in displeasure. “You know I hate games like that.” Even in the darkness, you could see how his lips were pressed into a straight, stern line. 

Immediately your heart sank at the sight, making it even harder for you to find an answer and voice your thoughts. Instantly, you wished you had pulled yourself together for the last forty-five minutes. Instead, you were now in a situation you couldn’t easily get out of. At least not without completely throwing your principles overboard, and you just weren’t ready for that yet.

You turned your gaze to the ground and heard Taehyung sigh. A moment later, he took a step closer so that his shoes entered your field of vision. As his hands clasped yours, you flinched, not expecting the sudden touch. An argument was more what you had expected. 

“Hey, look at me, please,” he asked, this time in a softer voice. When you did just that, his gaze searched yours, as if trying to read all the answers from your face. But you knew your face was just an expressionless mask, not reflecting the chaos inside you. “What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?” You stayed silent. “Huh?”

You avoided his gaze and let your hands slip from his grasp. The disappointed look on Taehyung’s face escaped you as you searched the sidewalk for an answer. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

That made you look up. “I don’t need your help.” You winced at how cold your voice sounded. But you felt pushed into a corner. 

He frowned at your statement. “Okay…” he said and buried his hands in the front pockets of his pants. The hands that had held yours a moment before. He studied your face as if thinking about whether to say the next part or not. Then, “What do you want from me then?”

The question made your heartbeat quicken. 

Behause you had no real answer to that. Therefore, you just shook your head. 

Taehyung mimicked the movement. “What kind of answer is that, Y/N?”

You shrugged your shoulders and Taehyung sighed, gradually annoyed. 

“I feel like I’m talking to a wall right now. And to be honest, I’ve had that feeling for a few days now.”

You had to swallow.

“We’ve never worked out what this is between us,” he began, hesitating briefly, “but maybe it’s about time we talk about it.”

“Why?” Pleadingly, you looked at him. “Why can’t it stay the way it is right now?”

“Because of this.” He made a hand gesture between the two of you. “Because it’s not good for you or for me. I, I have–” He sighed and ruffled his hair in frustration. “I’m just afraid that you and I have different intentions.”

“Different intentions?” you repeated, confused. What was that supposed to mean? “Well, you’ve made it more than clear tonight how you see things between us.” 

Taehyung raised both eyebrows when he heard that. “What do you mean?”

You rolled your eyes. Did you really have to explain to him now what was bothering you? “Emmy didn’t even know who I was.”

He let the sentence sink in for a moment before enlightenment spread across his face. “Oh, that’s where that comes from… What would you have wanted to hear? That we’re together? We’re not, are we Y/N?”

“I just don’t understand you,” you said, not responding to him.

“I can say the same back,” he muttered, but you ignored that too.

“All evening you were so… so distant and your friends didn’t even know who I was and how we know each other. Do you know how awkward it was for me when Emmy asked that and then this answer came from you?” You waited a moment, but Taehyung’s lips were pressed tightly together again. “Do you think I didn’t feel the looks from Grace and Yoongi? The–The pity when they heard you just label me as an acquaintance?”

“Oh, is that your problem? Is it so important to you what others think of you?” 

You didn’t respond. That was not the reason and he should know it. 

“What was I supposed to introduce you as then?” Taehyung raised his voice now, showing just how frustrated he was getting. “Hi guys, this is Y/N by the way. We’ve been fucking for over three months, but I actually know absolutely nothing about her because she pushes me away every fucking time I want to get to know her better. Is that how you want me to introduce you next time?”

His chest rose and fell rapidly as he stood in front of you, completely out of breath, waiting for a reaction. 

You had to swallow and turned your gaze to the floor as the corners of your eyes began to burn. 

“Yes, I admit,” Taehyung continued, a bit more calmed but still noticeably upset, “I shouldn’t have introduced you as someone I just met at a party. But as what instead? What is this between us? You can’t tell me, and you don’t give me any clue about how you feel… how you feel about me. Sometimes I think you don’t fucking like me at all.”

“That’s not true,” you said meekly, but Taehyung snorted when he heard that. 

“Please stop denying that you don’t act like shit towards me. One night everything’s fine between us and the next day you’re back to being so distant as if there’s nothing between us.” You held his gaze, even though you wanted to look away. “And admit to yourself how you feel. For your sake, but also for mine, please. And let me know when you’ve made up your mind, I just can’t take this constant back and forth.”

He took a step back as if he needed some distance from you after his confession. Then he slowly walked past you while you continued to stand rooted to the spot.

“Are you coming?” you heard Taehyung’s voice behind you.

“I can walk the rest by myself.” Your voice sounded weak, as if the conversation just now had drained all your energy. 

Taehyung shook his head and nodded in the direction of your student apartment. “I’ll still walk you home. I’m not an asshole.”

If you concentrated, you could see the top of the roof in the distance. But maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you in the darkness. What was certain, though, was that the walk home would be unpleasant and long.

. . .

it’s a fine line between disappointment and anger

You shifted your weight from one foot to the other as your eyes flitted over the passing cars. You were on the lookout for Grace’s neon green old Ford Fiesta, although its eye-catching color made it hard to miss and visible even from a distance. When you took a quick look at your phone to check the time, you realized that you were already waiting for over fifteen minutes. 

The others were late.

You tried not to be too irritated about it, even though you couldn’t quite suppress the feeling. After all, you had taken a cab to get to the location, which was so far out of town. By train it would have been a big detour and a long walk afterwards, so you had bitten the bullet and spent the money on a cab. Even though you couldn’t deny that you almost cancelled when you found out how far out the location was.

And you knew all too well the reason why you had come after all.

You just hoped that Grace and Yoongi would give you a ride on the way back, so you wouldn’t have to pay for a cab again. 

You were about to reach into your jacket pocket for your phone again when you suddenly saw something green flashing in the distance. 

“Finally,” you muttered. You watched as Grace pulled into the parking lot and drove around the corner a little too fast before the car came to a stop in a parking space. 

“Sorry!” it echoed across the lot, barely after the driver’s side door was yanked open. “We’re late.” 

Grace came rushing to you and gave you a quick hug. As she did so, you noticed how out of breath she was, and instantly your little pang of annoyance was gone. “We still had to pick up Taehyung and Natalie.”

Natalie?

You tried not to flinch at the unfamiliar name. However, you didn’t even need to ask who this Natalie was because at that moment a girl got out of the car and brushed the non-existing dirt off her tight black jeans. Your gaze was so fixed on her that you didn’t even notice Taehyung, who had also gotten out of the car.

Only when he was just a few meters away from you and Grace did you notice him. You couldn’t help but let your eyes glide over his body. It had been a long time since you had seen Taehyung in jeans, when he usually wore wide-leg pants. You couldn’t deny how outrageously handsome he looked in the light blue jeans and plain black T-shirt that revealed his tanned arms. You wondered if he’d done something with friends last weekend and been out in the sun a lot.

You felt an unpleasant tingling on your skin and turned your attention back to the strange girl who pierced you with her gaze. It surprised you that no one else noticed her deadly stare, but that’s when she briefly narrowed her eyes and averted her eyes from you. Like a snake, which gave its warning before attacking if you didn’t back away. The message was clear, even if you didn’t understand what she had to fear. 

Taehyung and you, that was a closed book. Briefly flipped through it and then put back on the shelf. There, where it belonged and where it should preferably never be taken out again.

You hadn’t checked in for the past four weeks, and instead had locked yourself in your small dorm room preparing for exams. This had distracted you during the day, but at night you had often stayed awake. Your finger had hovered over the chat with Taehyung countless times before you had changed your mind at the last moment. 

It didn’t work. It wouldn’t work. 

Something inside you was still resisting, but now you didn’t have to act surprised if Taehyung had had enough of waiting. You had never been together. It was probably not difficult for him to move on. 

And you had given him every right to do so.

But then why did your heart tighten as you looked back and forth between Taehyung and Natalie?

“Let’s go in, it’s all going off of our time,” said Yoongi, who was the last to join you. With a nod and a quick smile, he greeted you before you walked together towards the front gate. The path to the small, ground-floor building was sandy, and lost in thought, you kicked a few small stones in front of you that were lying on the side of the path. 

“We needed one more person,” Grace snapped you out of your thoughts.

Confused, you looked up. 

“To play paintball,” she elaborated when she saw your puzzled look and nodded in the direction of Natalie, who was laughing at something Taehyung had said. She then punched him in the shoulder and he pretended to stagger far away before laughing as well. Just a few weeks ago, you had been the one laughing at his jokes. “It needs five players minimum, at least that’s what the website said.”

“Sure,” you replied, even though you had barely listened to Grace. You didn’t care about the reason Natalie was here. You wished that you had chosen to stay home. But there was nothing you could do about it now, and you definitely wouldn’t bring down anyone’s mood. 

So you put on a smile and hoped it would come easier in the next hours.

It didn’t take long at the reception, thankfully, so you were soon queuing up to borrow the equipment. During the induction training, your fingers nervously ran along the frame of the visor of your helmet that you had to wear. Purely precautionary, because the head was off limits, a paintball company employee explained to you. 

“There is also another rule,” the employee explained in a firm voice that indicated that he had told this text dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. “Or let’s say good etiquette. If you’re close to someone and the person hasn’t seen you,” he paused dramatically and you wondered if this pause had been in his script or if he’d added it over time, “don’t shoot the person, say ‘Bang!’ instead. Even if they’re just little hardened gelatine balls, they can really hurt when shot at such close range. So don’t be assholes and take care of each other.”

Scattered laughter rippled through the three groups receiving instruction with you. As your eyes slid back to the staff member to hear if he had more to explain, they lingered on Taehyung and Natalie. Natalie signalled Taehyung with her index finger to her lips that they should listen. As she did so, however, her lips twisted into a grin and from the short distance you could hear her soft laughter.

Oh now you couldn’t wait to get on the field.

. . .

You hid behind a small wooden hut in the fenced area. As you tried to calm your breathing, you checked the end of the gun to see how many of the little colored bullets were left before sighing quietly in frustration. 

You scanned your surroundings as you scrambled back to your feet, but there was no sign of Natalie. She was responsible for your team’s ammunition, and no sooner had the round begun against a group of strangers than she had apparently made it her goal to stay hidden not only from your opponents, but from her own teammates as well. You hadn’t seen her the entire round so far, and if you didn’t have a deep-seated grudge against her, you’d almost be impressed. 

You were jolted out of your thoughts when you suddenly heard a dull stomping behind you in the house. The hut was small, perhaps two square meters, and consisted only of thin wooden boards nailed together. As quietly as you could, you turned around and tried to make out something through the small slit between the wood, but even as you squinted your eye, you couldn’t see anything except for the floor. 

Suddenly, you heard something behind you. 

You whirled around and raised your gun at the same moment, aiming it right at the young man who was just sneaking around the corner of the house and was about to surprise you. 

You looked at each other perplexed for a moment before he turned his gun away from you and held up his free hand.

“I think we’re both out, aren’t we?” he laughed, and you agreed, smiling. 

He helped you to your feet and you went to join the others, who were also hit and waited outside the area until the round was over. You were surprised that Natalie and Taehyung were the only ones left from your team.

When Grace spotted you, she threw her arms up in the air in disappointment. “Oh no! I think we’re losing this round.” 

Yoongi stifled a grin at the pure disappointment in his girlfriend’s voice before putting an arm around her shoulders. Grace unconsciously rubbed her side, and as you moved to stand next to her, you asked, “Is that where it hit you?”

She looked down in wonder, where her hand was still rubbing the presumably sore spot, before nodding. “Those things really hurt, don’t you think?”

You shrugged. “I didn’t get hit. It was more of a mutual elimination.” You glanced to the side and saw the young man from the other team standing alone. His remaining team seemed not to have been hit yet. 

No sooner had this thought crossed your mind than two unknown men suddenly joined you. Their faces reflected frustration and disappointment. Your eyes widened when you saw the countless paint splatters on their clothes. 

“What happened to you guys?” laughed the other man when he noticed it too.

But the two didn’t answer him, instead they looked in your direction.

“Not a bad tactic,” one said, and the other nodded. 

You were glad that Grace and Yoongi were as clueless as you were when Grace asked, “What tactic?”

“You guys completely overran us with all the bullets two of your team members had. We didn’t expect that at all.”

Grace muttered something unintelligible and the two men joined their teammate. 

“You didn’t get any ammunition from Natalie either?” you asked in amazement, firmly expecting to be the only one who hadn’t seen Natalie. 

But the other two shook their heads and Grace rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what her problem is. If I had known beforehand what a bitch she was, I would have told Taehyung to take someone else with him.”

Yoongi grumbled in agreement. “Taehyung’s taste in women is questionable.” 

An uncomfortable silence settled over you like a heavy blanket. You didn’t miss Yoongi’s panicked glance in your direction, nor Grace’s elbow, which landed in Yoongi’s side. 

“Sorry, Y/N… I didn’t mean that,” he apologized, but you shook your head and forced a smile.

“It’s okay.”

But was it really?

The awkward silence was interrupted by a loud roar and cheer, and a little later the last four from the fenced area joined you. Two of them reflected exactly the emotion that the two men before had as well, while the other two were in each other’s arms, cheering and laughing loudly, and almost stumbling into each other.

“We won!” Natalie announced, grinning broadly and visibly proud. 

You didn’t need to look in Taehyung’s direction to notice that he was happy, too. You could hear it in the deep laughter that reached your ears.

But over their joy, they didn’t seem to notice that no one was rejoicing with them. A quick sideways glance at Grace told you how pissed off she was getting. To keep the situation from escalating, you stepped in. 

As calm and relaxed as you could, you said, “Maybe you’d like to give us some of that ammunition, too, in the next round.”

Natalie’s laughter died away, leaving behind an ugly grinning grimace. With raised eyebrows, she looked at you and took a step toward you. “It worked, didn’t it?” She paused. “Y/N.” She literally spat your name at your feet. “Or did it hurt that much when you got hit? Oh no, little baby.” She raised her hand and pinched your cheek like grandparents used to do with little kids. With a quick movement, you pushed her hand aside.

“Ever heard of teamwork?” interfered Yoongi, who also took a step forward, easily getting between you and Natalie. You were grateful for the distance between you.

Natalie’s challenging gaze was on you for a moment longer before she turned her attention to Yoongi. “Don’t be such killjoys, geez. We won, that’s all that matters.”

The discussion between Yoongi, Grace, and Natalie passed by you as your gaze slid to Taehyung. Your heart stopped for a second as your eyes met for the first time this day. You tried to find something in his gaze, an answer perhaps. An answer as to how you could drift apart in such a short time. And an answer to why on earth he had had to bring Natalie with him. 

Yet you knew the answer, and you knew you had no one to blame but yourself. Even though it had never been anything serious between you, Taehyung had given you the chance that it could have possibly become something more. If you had been brave enough. If you had admitted your feelings. 

If…

If you had given each other and yourself a chance. 

You had to avert your gaze and turned it to the ground instead. When you looked up again after a few seconds, Taehyung had turned his attention back to Natalie, who was still discussing with Grace. 

“Hey,” one of the men from the other group interrupted the argument, “Do you guys feel like swapping through?”

“Sure,” Natalie replied without waiting for a response from the others first. “Why not?”

“I want those two on the team, though,” you heard one of the men say quietly to his buddy before his gaze shifted to Natalie and Taehyung. The other one laughed and that reaction made the blood boil inside you. 

But that’s how it was decided before any of you three even had a chance to protest. Grace didn’t look like she was too sad about being on Natalie’s opposing team, though, and you were glad to know at least her and Yoongi were by your side. In addition to the two of them, you were joined rather reluctantly by the young man you had eliminated and one of the two who had been eliminated last in the round before.

Grace chatted with the two on her way to a new area, but you didn’t feel like talking. Usually you took the opportunity to meet new people, but today it kind of drained your energy. Either that or it was the annoying shrill laughter that could be heard every few seconds. Your ears were hurting by now.

“Wow, how cool!” Grace marveled as you walked through a large gate to the new area. And you too could only look around with your mouth open over the large plaza full of cars. At least you suspected that they were cars under the thick layer of paint, since they were barely visible. In the middle of the square diagonally stood a bus, which probably marked about half of the area. You could also make out an RV in the distance and many smaller cars scattered around. 

“You can hide in the cars, by the way,” one of the men from the other group gave you a hint.

“Are you guys here often?” asked Yoongi with interest and the other nodded.

He raised his gun, which looked different from the one you were holding. “Custom-made, we all have our own equipment.”

“Of course you do,” Grace muttered and you had to laugh. “Shhh, don’t laugh,” Grace whispered, but had to laugh as well. The fact that your laughter didn’t please one person at all escaped you at that moment. 

“Okay, we’ll each start from one side,” one of the two on your team announced, and you began to spread out across the course. More than once you almost slipped on the ground, which had become slippery from the layer of paint. You barely managed to hold on to the outside mirror of a car. A thick layer of paint remained on your hand and you grimaced as you wiped it off on your pants. 

At least you had thought ahead and taken a change of clothes with you. 

You looked at the RV that was in your area and before you could weigh the pros and cons, your legs had already carried you there out of pure curiosity. Quietly you opened the door to the interior and carefully closed it again behind you. 

Even the interior was not spared from paint splatters, but there was much less in here than outside. You continued to look around the dark room, which was only sparsely lit because the windows were also covered in paint from outside. 

“Shit,” you muttered as you realized what a bad idea that had been. You couldn’t see what was happening outside, and there was no place to hide in here either. The benches and kitchenette had been ripped out and only the small cubicle where you thought the toilet was, was still there. 

With a sigh, you turned and reached toward the door to go back outside, when suddenly you heard voices. You couldn’t make out who it was or if it was someone from your team, but you couldn’t take the risk. 

Cursing, you lowered your hand again and walked quietly but briskly toward the small cabin. You winced when the rotten wood squeaked as you opened the door, but continued with your plan. Not that you had a choice. In the darkness, you were able to make out that the toilet had also been ripped out, making it just a tiny, empty room. 

You shut the door and squatted on the floor. Straining your ears, you tried to hear something, but except for your breathing, which seemed uncomfortably loud under your helmet, you couldn’t hear anything. Adrenaline coursed through your veins and your ears picked up every little sound. 

Had that been the door to the RV? 

You tried to make yourself a little smaller.

“I swear, I saw her go in here.”

The blood froze in your veins as you recognized the deep voice. You didn’t know why, but it hurt to hear that Taehyung had betrayed you just like that. And you didn’t need laser vision to know who was alongside Taehyung. 

A second later, the door was yanked open.

Your eyes narrowed as you had to look at the sudden light that fell through the door, illuminating the person in front of you from behind. You only heard them laugh, which sounded somewhat muffled by the helmet and visor, before you heard a loud clack and a second later felt a sudden pain in your upper arm. 

Before you understood what had happened, the sequence repeated itself two more times. A bullet bounced off the wall and hit you in the back of the head. You flinched as a sharp pain shot through you and instinctively grabbed the back of your head. Even in the dark you could see your fingers were yellow from the paint.

“Oh oops,” you heard Natalie laugh, “Bang.”

She giggled even as you scrambled to your feet and pushed past her. She didn’t step aside, not until your shoulder made hard contact with hers and she stumbled to the side. 

“Ugh, someone can’t lose, I guess.”

Jumping out of the RV and almost running into Taehyung, you froze on the spot for a moment. Not a word came out of him and after a few moments you just gave a cool short laugh before shaking your head and walking towards the edge of the area. 

The back of your head hurt and as you ran your fingers through your hair again, you winced, noticing how the color was already gluing them together. A curse stuck in your throat, but you tried not to let it out. Once you started, you wouldn’t be able to stop. 

“We’re really bad,” Grace laughed when she caught sight of you. But you shook your head in response and silently walked past her. “Is everything okay?” One foot in front of the other. “Y/N?”

Her questions fell silent when you were finally far enough away. You went straight to the lockers and reached for your bag. The sudden jerk caused it to snag on the metal of the locker, which only made you pull on it more furiously. A few seconds of mindless pulling later, you let it go. As you brushed your palms over your face, you noticed how your hands were shaking. 

So you forced yourself to take a few deep breaths before slowly grabbing the handles of your bag again. This time you immediately managed to pull it out of the compartment. The locker slammed shut behind you as you made your way towards the changing rooms. 

. . . 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you?” Grace asked you this question for the third time and for the third time you nodded. 

You said your thanks to the staff member who held out an ice pack to you and immediately you held it to the back of your head. By the time you had changed your clothes, you had already noticed the dark red spots where you had been hit and which would surely be blue by tomorrow at the latest. When you had pulled your sweatshirt over your head, you had noticed the thick and painful bump on your head. 

“I really appreciate this, Grace, that you’re offering to wait with me,” you explained, “but you paid for this and you had fun, so I don’t want to spoil it for you.”

“You’re not spoiling anything for me,” came back the prompt reply. Grace was still holding your free hand as if she was afraid you were getting the next cab home at any moment. And to be honest, you would like nothing better than that right now.

Still, you rolled your eyes. “Come on,” you said, nodding behind her. 

Yoongi was just heading your way, with a questioning look on his face. “What happened?” 

Grace started to answer, but you beat her to it. “I got hit, nothing bad.”

But Grace grunted contemptuously. “Natalie shot her in the back of her head.”

“It wasn’t on purpose.” You didn’t want to defend her because you knew the two hits before that had definitely been on purpose. But you also knew that the hit to your head had been bad luck.

“Does it hurt much?” Yoongi didn’t join the discussion, but remained diplomatic. You gave him credit for that. Your head hurt enough as it was, you didn’t need another unnecessary argument. 

In response, you shrugged your shoulders and pressed the cold pack harder against your head, closing your eyes briefly. 

“Do you want one of us to stay here?”

“Not you too,” you groaned, and when you opened your eyes again, you caught sight of Natalie and Taehyung, who also joined you at that moment.

“Oh,” Natalie said, barely standing next to Grace, “you changed your clothes, Y/N,” she remarked as she looked down at you. 

Grace’s grip on your hand tightened and you saw her jaw tighten. 

Then you turned your gaze to Natalie. There was not an ounce of remorse or pity in her gaze. “Yeah, I’m out. Completely for today.”

“Oh no, what a shame!” 

Taehyung on the other hand was exceptionally quiet right now and didn’t say a word. And you didn’t have the strength to look up and see the same look you saw a few minutes ago.

“Well, that’s just the way it is. Shall we keep playing?”

No one said a word and the uncomfortable silence increased by the second. 

“Go on,” you said, squeezing Grace’s hand, “go on playing without me.” You gave her a significant look and Grace’s eyes widened briefly before a knowing smile spread across her face.

“Okay, let’s go!” she said euphorically, jumping to her feet. Then she pulled Yoongi by the hand with her. 

Natalie didn’t take the invitation twice either and followed the two of them. Only when she had walked a few meters did she stop in wonder and look back at Taehyung, who hadn’t moved an inch. “Are you coming, Tae?”

You couldn’t hold back your bitter grin when you heard the nickname. When you looked up, Taehyung’s gaze was right on the floor in front of you. “Come on, Tae,” you said, and at your voice your eyes met, “your girlfriend’s calling you.”

Taehyung’s answer came directly without hesitation and his voice was cold as he said, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Just like I’ve never been your girlfriend? Is that the same between you two?”

“That’s not fair, Y/N… You were the one who didn’t talk to me for four weeks. It was as if you had completely disappeared from the face of the earth.”

He looked at you silently, his lips pressed into a straight line. He shook his head ever so slightly before turning and following the others without another word. You had to admit that you felt some gloating when he ignored Natalie’s outstretched hand and followed Yoongi and Grace without paying any attention to her. 

. . .

“You should have seen her face,” Grace laughed, quickly covering her mouth when she realized how loudly she had spoken. You stood in front of the locker while Grace pushed her water bottle into her bag. Wordlessly, Yoongi held his dirty clothes out to her and with a roll of her eyes, she grabbed them and stuffed them into the bag as well. “Next time, bring your own bag.”

“Hm-hm,” Yoongi muttered, already having turned his attention to something else.

You exited the building and headed toward the parking lot. You looked over your shoulder, where you recognized Taehyung and Natalie a few feet away from you. The two didn’t say a word to each other and silently followed you.

“What happened?” you asked quietly as you turned to face forward again. You couldn’t deny that the mood between the two of them seemed tense, while Grace walked beside you almost jumping for joy.

“She realized it hurts when you get hit.”

Immediately your head snapped to her, “Oh God, what did you do?” 

But Grace shook her head and you could see a slight smile on Yoongi’s face. “Not me.” She gave you a meaningful look that you couldn’t interpret. Or wanted to. “Taehyung.”

“Taehyung?” You were confused. “Weren’t they on the same team?”

“Apparently he got tired of her,” Yoongi said, and he too looked at you for a moment too long. 

“And that’s not the only thing,” Grace directly followed up when Yoongi hadn’t even finished speaking, “He accidentally called her Nicole. She hasn’t spoken to him since.”

“Admittedly, he didn’t really talk to her before either.”

You had to swallow. Suddenly a fat lump had settled in your throat, making it hard for you to make a sound. Only when you cleared your throat did you start to speak. “Can we talk about something else?”

For a moment neither of them said anything and you felt the eyes of both on you. You had yours, however, focused on the floor in front of you. Grace was just starting to speak when suddenly a shadow appeared next to you in the corner of your eye. You looked up in surprise and were even more surprised to see Taehyung next to you. 

He didn’t say a word, but just walked beside you. You opened your mouth, but you didn’t know what to say. Especially not in front of Grace and Yoongi. And in front of Natalie, whose footsteps you heard right behind you. 

And was there anything to say at all? Or would all the effort be for nothing and just a little too late?

You eyed him from the side, letting your gaze glide over his tousled and windblown hair, over his nose and his lips. The lips, which formed slightly downward and the eyebrows, which he had pinched together in thought. 

It seemed as if he noticed your stare, because suddenly he looked up and when your eyes met every trace of strain disappeared. A brief smile spread across his face before he turned his gaze forward again.

Arriving at the car, you tried to make yourself as small as possible in the middle seat so that your leg wouldn’t keep bumping into Taehyung’s as Grace rounded a corner. Your heart had been pounding up to your throat ever since you felt the heat radiating from him and taking over you completely. Your skin tingled and again and again your gaze slid to his hand, which he had placed on his knee. It needed only a small movement of your hand and you would be able to grasp it. You wondered if he would withdraw his hand or allow–

You quickly turned your gaze to the other side. But it was no better there. Natalie barely gave you room, which didn’t make your predicament with Taehyung any better. She stared wordlessly out the window since you got into the car and paid no attention to the conversations in the car. 

Even though there wasn’t that much attention to pay there, because every attempt Grace made to start a conversation was met with a wall of awkward silence. A few short sentences, Taehyung, Yoongi and you returned before the conversation died again. On top of that, you felt Grace’s eyes on you through the rearview mirror every few seconds. You didn’t need to be able to read minds to understand that you were supposed to talk to Taehyung. 

The next time your eyes met, you tried to shake your head as inconspicuously as possible. 

This was not the right time. 

Grace shook her head… and drove a little too fast around the next curve. 

You managed to suppress the surprised yelp, but couldn’t keep your balance, so you fell into Taehyung’s lap. Your hand came into contact with his thigh, which you tried to brace yourself against. 

“Oh,” Grace laughed, and you gave her an evil glare through the driver’s seat, “I guess I was a little too fast. Sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Taehyung’s deep voice startled you. You felt his strong hand on your shoulder and slowly he pulled you back upright. 

“Yeah, sorry,” you apologized and your cheeks burned. Damn, Grace…

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing happened.”

But something did happen, just not the way Taehyung was thinking at that moment. 

. . .

scary love

Your heart was pounding loudly in your chest; so hard it almost hurt. Your gaze slid from your perfectly applied makeup to your top, and you stared at the spot under your left breast for a moment, sure that you could see your heart beating. You shook your head and took one deep breath before grabbing your bag, throwing on a jacket and leaving your room. 

The hustle and bustle of the city drowned out your noisy thoughts as you made your way to the apartment of the house party. When Grace had approached you about the party yesterday and asked if you were coming, your thoughts had inevitably drifted straight to Taehyung. The last time you had gone out at night was when you and Taehyung had had your fight. Even though that was nearly a month and a half ago, it seemed like it was only a few days ago.

But it wasn’t just your thoughts that had drifted straight to him. 

As you got off the bus and walked the rest of the way, Grace’s expression came back to your mind. The much-important pause that had followed her question and right before her hesitant “Taehyung will be there too.” 

You wondered if it would always be like this from now on. That you would have to be forewarned if there was a chance that you might run into each other.

You hoped that this would not be your future. That you could have a clarifying conversation with him tonight. And that he was at the party at all. You didn’t even want to think about the fact that you came to the party today for nothing. 

The thumping bass and sweaty heat met you as you entered the house. Immediately, your eyes scanned the various guests as you walked through the different rooms on the first floor. Your heart stopped a few times as you thought you spotted Taehyung, only to be disappointed when it was someone else. 

You were still a little scared that you seemed to feel so strongly about Taehyung. You didn’t want to imagine the pain if Taehyung rejected you. After all, he had been relatively cryptic in his statements, and even if… you had taken a few weeks to make your decision. The situation with Natalie still hadn’t left your mind. What if he showed up again today with another girl? 

Your thoughts raced and your gaze darted through the crowd until finally someone entered your field of vision and you looked up slightly. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” Grace looked at you with wide eyes and you were sure your nervousness was showing.

“Yes,” you answered her, your voice sounding breathless. Just like how you felt. “Have you seen Taehyung?”

Grace stifled a smile, but the corners of her mouth twitched up suspiciously, betraying her. 

“He’s coming along with Yoongi. The two of them should be on their way.” She glanced at her phone and nodded once more in agreement with her statement. “Oh, Yoongi just texted that they arrived.”

Your heart skipped a beat and the nervousness became almost unbearable all at once. Nausea spread through you and you gratefully accepted the drink Grace held out to you, which you only now noticed. As you took a generous sip of it, you realized it was water.

“Thank you, Grace.”

“I thought it would be better if you worked this out sober.” She smiled at you encouragingly, but suddenly her eyes fell on something behind you. You were afraid to turn around because you knew exactly who must have come up behind you. You could see it in Grace’s smile and you inevitably wondered if you were looking at Taehyung like that. Or if he was looking at you like that. 

But when Yoongi came up beside you, you couldn’t continue to stand rooted to the spot. You turned your head to the side and Taehyung’s gaze was already on you. For a moment, you stared at each other as if you were having a telepathic conversation. Then a small smile spread on Taehyung’s lips and you felt yourself relax abruptly. 

“Hey,” his deep voice greeted you. 

“Hi.” You didn’t notice Grace and Yoongi giving each other meaningful looks before they unobtrusively walked away from you and left you alone. You were too focused on Taehyung, on his face and his smile. He looked handsome, his T-shirt tucked into his dark pants, and at his neck you could make out a fine silver chain, its pendant disappearing under his T-shirt. 

You had missed him. And you were glad to see him again. 

And as you studied his expression, hope spread through you that he might felt the same way. 

“Shall we–”, “Do you want–”, you started talking at the same time and you suppressed an eye roll as you laughed softly. 

“Please,” he let you go first with that boxy smile you had missed so much. 

You took a deep breath and laid out the words you’d been thinking about for the past few days. “Do you want to talk somewhere that might be a little quieter?”

Taehyung nodded without thinking twice. “Shall we go to my place? I’m here by car.”

Surprised, you raised your eyebrows. “By car? But you just got here, right? And since when do you have a car?”

His smile changed, taking on a hint of… was that embarrassment? “Well, I didn’t come here for the party.” Now he was grinning fully at you. “And Yoongi lent me his car.”

The words got stuck in your throat and you were incapable of more than a smile. 

“Shall we?” 

As you nodded, Taehyung led you through the crowd back to the front door. Every few seconds he looked over his shoulder to make sure you hadn’t lost him and were still behind him. 

But you wouldn’t let him out of your sight again.

Silently, you walked to Taehyung’s car, but this time the silence was not uncomfortable. Instead, there was a certain tension in the air, as if you were both nervous about the upcoming conversation. No matter how it turned out, something would definitely change for you. 

As the doors slammed shut loudly, the sound snapped you out of your thoughts. All at once, you realized how close you were to Taehyung. His right hand was on the gear stick as he put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking space. You couldn’t help but watch him as he expertly pulled the car onto the road. 

“Are you just going to stare at me the whole time, or do you want to talk as well?” Taehyung’s grin showed you that he was just teasing you because he had noticed your stare. 

“Sorry,” you returned with a soft laugh, turning your gaze to the road ahead of you instead. 

“How are you?” 

Normally, you hated that question. It was a filler for awkward pauses when you didn’t know what to say. But at that moment, it was different. You knew that Taehyung was genuinely interested in how you were doing and that his question hinted at more than it showed at first glance. A question whose deeper meaning only the two of you knew. 

Therefore, you pondered for a moment how best to answer this question. You decided to tell the truth. Finally. “I… could be better.”

“Oh?” Taehyung tilted his head and gave you a quick sideways glance.

Your gaze was on your feet as you continued to explain. “I’ve been pretty bothered by everything… All this between us I mean.”

“Hm-hm.”

“And I wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize?” Taehyung sounded seriously surprised. “For what?”

You sighed and let your head fall back against the headrest. “For treating you like that… I didn’t know what I wanted myself, and I expected you to know. That was unfair.”

Taehyung let your words run through his mind. “And do you know what you want now?” In one move, he parked in front of his apartment and turned off the engine. 

You waited until he pulled the key out of the ignition and looked at you. “Yes.”

“And what’s that?” Taehyung’s voice was little more than a whisper, so soft that it was meant only for your ears. Afraid that if it left that small space of the car, that your mind would change again. 

But it wouldn’t anytime soon. Rarely had you felt as sure as you did at that moment. 

“Can we discuss this upstairs?”

Nervously, you followed him up the two flights of stairs, the mixture of your racing heart and exertion making you gasp a little as Taehyung unlocked his apartment. 

“Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea, water… I also have that lemonade you like so much.” His voice grew more distant as he disappeared into the kitchen. You heard dishes and bottles clinking as you waited uncertainly in the hallway until Taehyung finally stepped out of the kitchen with two bottles and you went into the living room. 

No matter how you sat on the small sofa, you couldn’t stay still and had to change your position every few seconds. Legs crossed, once left leg up, then right leg. Then both feet on the floor, once half bent on the sofa–

Until Taehyung finally put a hand on your knee, forcing you to rest. A small smile played around his lips as he sought and finally found your gaze. “I’ve never seen you this nervous before,” he remarked, leaning back again after making sure you stayed in one position for now. 

You exhaled before taking a sip of the lemonade and placing the bottle back on the coffee table. Your hands shook as you placed them folded back together in your lap. You heard the quiet whirring of Taehyung’s Playstation, which he never shut off, and which had already become a welcoming sound. It seemed almost ridiculous to you that you had missed that. 

You cleared your throat and slid back and forth on the sofa again before finally getting to speak. You were so engrossed in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice how nervous Taehyung himself was and how he was hanging spellbound on your lips, hoping that you would finally give him an explanation. 

“I’ve had a lot of time the last few weeks to think about… well, to think about the weeks before that. The paintball game in particular has given me a lot to think about.”

“I still wanted to apologize for that,” Taehyung added, “Nadine was really out of line. I shouldn’t have brought her.”

You grunted before you could hold it back, but decided not to comment on his mistake. Instead, you asked, “Then why did you? How do you even know her?”

Now Taehyung was shifting back and forth a little uneasily. “I know her from a few parties. She approached me shortly after that fight we had…”

The question hung in the air, but still, you had to have certainty.

“Was there something going on between you two?”

Taehyung hesitated to answer and you felt your heart sink.

Then he sighed. “We kissed, made out a little before I stopped. When Yoongi asked me if I knew anyone else we could take to the paintball game, she offered coming. I thought it would be a good idea to… um, well–”

“Were you trying to make me jealous?” you interrupted him, raising an eyebrow. 

Taehyung nodded and rubbed the back of his neck with the flat of his hand, slightly embarrassed. “I know that’s stupid and childish. But I was just still so mad at you–at me, at both of us to be honest. You’d been so absent-minded with me, I just wanted to see some kind of reaction from you.”

“I’m sure you saw one,” you muttered, turning your gaze to the gray carpet.

“Yes, but not the one I wanted,” Taehyung returned, also muttering. “I never wanted you to get hurt. That’s what I told her as well.” There was silence between the two of you for a moment and you heard Taehyung take a deep breath. “I haven’t been in contact with her since, if you’re interested.”

You weighed his statement before nodding slowly and turning your gaze back to him. “You can have contact with whomever you want, Taehyung,” you began, and he started to contradict you, but you raised your hand, wanting to finish your sentence, “but I don’t want to tell you what to do and what not to do. Who you should have contact with and with whom you shouldn’t. If we start with such stories, we’ll get into a spiral again. But thank you for telling me honestly what happened between you.”

Taehyung waited a moment to see if you had finished talking before it rushed out of him. “I didn’t end it with her because I was afraid of what you would think about it. In the first place, there was never anything between us that could have been ended, and secondly, that was entirely a decision for myself. And I wanted to be fair to her. I know what it’s like to just be a replacement for someone and how shitty this feels. I didn’t want to do that to anyone else.”

“I didn’t know anyone had ever hurt you like that.”

Taehyung laughed softly as he recalled, and you were glad that the memory no longer seemed to cause him pain. You still had to work on that yourself, letting bygones be bygones and not projecting your experiences onto other people, other men. 

“In my junior year… I can’t remember her name,” Taehyung began to tell, “I was fully into puberty and she was the first girl I really liked. You must know that I used to be quite the nerd.” He softly laughed about himself when he remembered that. 

“A nerd? Pfft.” Looking at Taehyung now, with his wide black pants, muscular upper arms showing under his white T-shirt, and his whole aura radiating, you found it hard to imagine.

“Hey, don’t pfft me,” he complained, “I cared a lot about good grades and she noticed that. Of course, back then, I gratefully accepted any chance to do something with her. Even if it consisted of me doing her homework while she sat on her phone, probably texting her friends about how boring I was.”

“Ouch. That’s almost exactly like all those teen movies from back in the day.”

“And I was the poor nerd that the whole school made fun of behind his back.”

From the way Taehyung said this, you knew he wasn’t exaggerating. Your hand twitched as you reached for his hand, but you were unsure how far to go. Whether your touch was appropriate and, more importantly, welcome. 

But he had seen that small movement and reached for your hand. Your fingers intertwined as if they were made for it and you wondered if that was the first time you held hands like that. At that moment, you couldn’t imagine a more intimate gesture.

“I changed schools my senior year and graduated. A fresh new start, so to speak.”

“I know what that feels like,” you agreed, nodding, and he smiled at you gratefully. His fingers painted small circles on the back of your hand and the skin touched by his fingertips began to tingle. 

“It wasn’t an easy time for me, if I’m honest,” he continued, “I didn’t make any friends in my last year because most of the groups had already formed and I felt like it wasn’t worth it for most of them to make another friendship for that one year. But I could have tried harder. So I was glad when I was out of school.”

You tilted your head in wonder. “I thought you liked school?”

Taehyung threw you a small smile. “There’s a difference between liking learning and liking school. I always wanted to get good grades, even if that girl spoiled it for me a bit. Crashed a little bit after that, and really all I enjoyed was drawing and painting. I was glad that the university accepted me at all with my final grades. Because that’s not what a lot of people think, that you need good grades to study art.” Taehyung rolled his eyes and shook his head, laughing softly.

“Is that what you want to do? Being a painter?”

Taehyung thought about it for a moment. You could tell that he had a profession on the tip of his tongue, but seemed unsure of how you would respond. You squeezed his hand once so he would continue.

“I mean, there are many professions,” he began to explain, “I can stay at a university after graduation and pass on my knowledge to others. I think that’s pretty cool.”

You waited a moment, but Taehyung seemed to be pondering his thoughts. “But?” you asked because of that, and he turned his attention back to you. 

“My dream is to open my own gallery. To support small artists and bring their voices to the public. And, of course, to exhibit myself, that would be awesome.”

“Do you have some paintings here?”

He looked at you like you’d asked a totally crazy question. And maybe you had. Sometimes you lived in your own world full of books from centuries ago that you felt a little detached from the present time. 

Taehyung let your hand slip from his and got up from the sofa. He went to the large cabinet that took up almost the entire opposite wall, pulled open a drawer, and began rummaging through it. After a few moments, he seemed to have found what he was looking for.

When he came back to you, he had a large drawing pad in his hand, which he held out to you. With careful fingers you took the A2 large pad from him. The first small loose sketches fell into your hand as you opened the pad. Immediately your jaw dropped as you took your first look at what probably represented Taehyung’s most intimate thoughts and feelings. 

You recognized many black and white sketch-like drawings that, at least you assumed, must have been painted with charcoal. It seemed like he had been studying different facial expressions, and that was a theme that ran through many of his drawings. Even your untrained eye could see that Taehyung placed a lot of emphasis on the expressions of his models. Anger, annoyance, sadness, more rarely happiness… you kept turning the pages and suddenly the drawing in front of you looked familiar. Or rather, the person who was drawn looked familiar. 

It was you. 

You looked up in surprise and met Taehyung’s waiting gaze. It seemed like he was reading every reaction on your face. 

“Some people don’t like it when you draw them,” he explained.

You searched for the right words as you continued to flip through it and saw another drawing of yourself. In the background you saw sketchy hints of other people, and you wondered if this was supposed to be the night of the party when you two had first met. 

Your index finger gently stroked the fine pencil lines. “This is how you see me?” Your voice was no more than a whisper. Your eyes fell on the date, written very small in the corner of the picture. You weren’t quite sure, but you believed that the picture had been taken on the very day after the party.

“What do you mean?”

Your gaze fell back to the drawing. The drawing strokes were deliberate and skillfully placed, as if he had done it a thousand times before. Only in the region of the face could you see eraser marks, and as you stroked over them, Taehyung laughed softly. 

“It took me forever to get your face right,” he admitted, also letting his gaze slide over the paper in your hands. 

“It turned out beautifully,” you breathed. 

Taehyung looked up from the drawing and eyed your face for a moment before the corners of his mouth twitched upward. “Still, nothing like the original. Nothing comes close to that.”

You rolled your eyes when you heard that, but had to laugh softly. His comment reminded you of the night of the party. Already there he had been able to convince you, to your surprise, with his bad and exaggerated comments. You would have ignored anyone else, but even then you had given him a chance. 

No matter what Taehyung said or did, he always made you feel that he meant it one hundred percent. And that was what set him apart from many men your age. 

And that was the reason you were here. 

Gently, you closed the sketchpad and placed it on the coffee table in front of you. “So,” you began, leaning back again until your back touched the backrest. Even though you looked relaxed from the outside, excitement and nervousness raged inside you. “What is this between us?”

Taehyung also leaned back and turned slightly to the side so that your knees were almost touching. With every second that Taehyung said nothing, the tension grew. 

Then he cleared his throat and you flinched, so tense you were. “Hmm,” he began, studying your face. “There can be everything and nothing between us.”

You suppressed a snort, and instead a muffled sound of disapproval came out.

A smirk spread across his face when he heard it, before he leaned forward. 

“Is that answer not acceptable to you?” His grin revealed that he knew exactly what you wanted to hear. 

Needed to hear. 

Because still your heart was beating up to your throat, afraid that you would get hurt. But luck was with the brave, right?

So you shook your head. No, you were not satisfied with his answer. 

You also leaned forward so that you braced your elbows on your knees. Now there were only a few inches between you and Taehyung. You imagined even feeling his breath lightly on your face. Then you said, so softly that it was almost swallowed by the silence around you, “I want more than what we already had. I don’t know if this is or can become a relationship, but I want more than sex. I want to get to know you, your quirks and oddities–”

“There aren’t any,” he interrupted, grinning. 

“There’s already the first one” you mumbled, looking at him seriously for a moment. Then a smile broke up your serious expression.

Taehyung just shook his head with a grin before his eyes fell on your lips. “Does that mean I finally get to kiss you?”

“Yeah.” 

Taehyung raised his hand, slowly, and so gently that at first you were unsure if you were imagining the touch, before his palm and thumb rested on your cheek and his fingers caressed your ear and neck. Your breath hitched at the intimate touch and unconsciously you leaned towards the movement. 

This was the moment when you threw every last bit of doubt overboard. The space that was finally vacated, after all these years, was filled with a warmth until you even felt the heat on your cheeks.

Taehyung now leaned forward fully and you closed your eyes at the same moment as his lips met yours. The kiss was soft at first, almost cautious, as your bodies had to get used to each other again. But it only lasted a moment before Taehyung opened his lips to intensify the kiss and ran his tongue along your lips. You willingly opened your mouth and allowed him to enter. 

He explored your mouth and pulled you towards him by your hips until you landed on his lap with a soft “oomph”. He gave a low, satisfied-sounding grumble and his grip on your waist tightened, as if to make sure you wouldn’t vanish into thin air again at any moment. 

Your fingers ran through his soft hair and you didn’t know where to touch him first. Everything was going too slowly for you and when you let your hips circle against Taehyung’s, he made a satisfied sound. His big hands eased off your hips and instead sought their way under your T-shirt. Meanwhile, the kiss grew more intimate and you both fought for the upper hand, even though you knew there was no answer to that question. 

“God, I missed you,” he murmured into the kiss. 

His thumb circled your nipple over the material of your bra und you arched into his touch. You felt him growing even harder between your legs when you pushed your hips into his. Taehyung bit your lower lip and elicited a whine from you. He grabbed your thighs and in the next moment he had lifted you up and laid you backwards on the sofa. Immediately he towered over you and you spread your legs so that he could find space between them. His mouth wandered downward, along your neck, remembering exactly which parts of you were particularly sensitive and making you squirm in his grip. 

As he let his hips snap against yours, your moans echoed loudly in the otherwise silent room. He showed you exactly how hard he was, and your abdomen contracted as you thrust your hips upward, hoping to get more friction. 

But Taehyung seemed to have other priorities at that moment and pushed your T-shirt up a little further. You shivered as the cool air hit your bare and heated skin, and when Taehyung sensed this, he rubbed your sides with his large, warm hands. His mouth also found its way to your stomach and he spread countless small, innocent kisses on the sensitive skin before he slid a little further back and straightened up until he knelt between your legs. 

You were already out of breath at this point and looked at him over your rapidly heaving chest. He held your gaze as he slowly, but surely reached with his fingers to the clasp of your jeans and undid them. He took his time, after all, you were no longer in any hurry. Time belonged to you alone at that moment.

Taehyung helped you slip out of the tight jeans and threw them on the floor next to the sofa. He didn’t hesitate for a second and let his hands slide up your legs starting at your calves, until he finally reached your thighs and spread them a little further apart. 

His gaze was fixed on the center of your body and his eyes flickered upward for a brief moment where your eyes met. “And I missed that, too.” He bit his lip while his gaze studied your body, as if he were absorbing and memorizing every little detail of you.

The air escaped you as you laughed out of breath. “I’ve missed you, too.”

This time his gaze was on you longer; it seemed like he didn’t expect that answer. Both of you would probably need a little time to get used to this new situation. But it didn’t scare you anymore. For the first time in years you had the feeling that someone accepted, even liked you, as you were.

And for the first time, maybe ever, you knew you were giving someone else that chance too.

He turned his gaze back between your legs and you had to moan as he stroked his thumb over the wet line that had already formed on the material of your underwear. Then he withdrew his hand and grabbed the hem of his T-shirt, which he pulled over his head a moment later. Immediately your hands grabbed everything they could find, his trained arms, over his chest and stomach. Until your fingers finally reached the waistband of his pants, where you paused for a moment. 

You looked up and without breaking eye contact, you pulled the button through its flap and pulled the zipper down, before Taehyung slipped out of them. 

Your breath hitched when you saw how hard Taehyung was. His bulge was significant in his gray boxers and when you saw that, you grabbed him through the material. He groaned and his eyes fluttered shut at the touch before he thrust his hips towards your hand. Taehyung grumbled in frustration as that wasn’t enough. Without further ado, he grabbed your hand to push it away and grabbed your legs instead. 

Before you knew what was happening, he had spun you around so that you were sitting on the sofa again and he let himself slide onto the floor between your legs. He bumped into the coffee table behind him, clanking, and you watched the two bottles of lemonade wobble dangerously before they settled back down.

“Maybe I’d better move this one back a little,” Taehyung said more to himself than to you, and gently pushed the table back a few inches, giving him a little more room to maneuver. 

Without playing any more games, he snaked his fingers under the thin material of your panties and you lifted your pelvis so he could slide them off of you. Then he grabbed your thighs from underneath and pulled you to the edge of the sofa. You felt his hot breath on your heated and wet center and let your head fall backwards onto the backrest. 

“Did you know you have the sweetest pussy ever?” He gave you a quick glance from between your legs and as if by themselves your fingers found their way into his hair. Then he buried his face in your dripping folds and licked a long strip along your opening.

“Oh God,” you uttered as he placed the tip of his tongue against your clit and circled it. “Why are you so good at this?”

Taehyung’s deep laugh came from between your legs, and the vibrations from it sent more shockwaves through your body. He savored your taste, diving right in so that his nose grazed your clit and you unintentionally thrust your hips upward. He released one arm and held you in place with the flat of his hand on your abdomen. 

His lips found your clit and when he started sucking on it hard, you let your head fall back and pushed his head even closer between your legs. 

With a smack, he broke away from you and when he looked up, you could see the area around his mouth glistening. “You have no idea how delicious you are, Baby,” he murmured, replacing his tongue with two of his fingers that slid up and down, spreading your arousal. His fingers stopped briefly at your entrance, pressing the tips of his fingers inside so that he stretched you ever so slightly before running them along your labia again. 

“Don’t tease me like that, please.” Your inner walls were pulsing around nothing, just waiting to finally be filled. Preferably by Taehyung, but if he didn’t hurry, you’d have to do it yourself. 

“Oh come on, you love it,” Taehyung laughed softly, biting his lower lip as his gaze fell on his fingers, sliding in and out of you. He was giving you what you wanted, just not enough of it. 

“Taehyunggg…” You didn’t care how whiny you sounded.

But your plan seemed to work, as Taehyung suddenly pushed them all the way into you. You stifled a moan as his fingers buried deep inside you and the heel of his hand pressed against your clit. 

“Is that better?” Taehyung sounded breathless as well.

“Yes,” you gasped and Taehyung began to pick up a slow but steady pace with his fingers. You could hear how wet you were and that sound only turned you on more. “Taehy–” His name got stuck in your throat as Taehyung began to curl his fingers while being buried deep inside you. 

“What was that?” 

“Fuck you,” you blurted out between clenched teeth, but Taehyung knew you didn’t mean your insult. 

“I’d rather have you do it.” And with that, all at once, he pulled his fingers out of you. 

He eyed your torso and slid his palm over one of your breasts. Through the material of your T-shirt and bra, he let his thumb circle your nipple before pulling his hand back. “Take that off, Baby. I want to see you.”

You did and pulled both your shirt and bra over your head. When you turned your attention back to Taehyung, he had taken off his boxers so he was completely naked as well. He had taken a seat on the sofa and was sliding his hand up and down his cock. Drops of pre-cum had formed on his tip, which he picked up with his thumb when he noticed your gaze and reached out to you.

“I’m clean,” he mentioned immediately, “I got tested shortly after this started with us. Just to be safe.”

You grinned, grabbing Taehyung’s wrist and encircling his thumb with your lips. He tasted slightly salty, but barely noticeable, and with your tongue you traced along his thumb. You began sucking on his finger and heard Taehyung swear under his breath before letting it slide out of your mouth with a “pop”. 

“Okay, enough of that.” He reached out a hand towards you and grabbed what he could get, which was your forearm, before pulling you towards him by it. You almost stumbled as you were pulled forward and just barely managed to brace yourself against the backrest next to Taehyung’s head. “Sorry, but I cannot wait.” He gave you an apologetic smile. 

You placed one leg on either side of Taehyung’s hips and before you had settled on his thighs, he had leaned forward and taken one of your nipples into his mouth. Shuddering, you exhaled as he circled his tongue around the sensitive bud and sucked on it. You rested your chin on the top of his head and your fingers loosened the little knots that had formed in his hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I love your body,” he said before giving your other nipple the attention it needed. “It’s perfect.” His hands traveled down your body and gripped your butt cheeks, which he kneaded. “You’re perfect.”

You reached between both your bodies to take his cock in your hand and slid forward a little. With slow movements, you lowered your hips and let him slide along between your legs.

“Oh god, Baby.” 

Taehyung was now gripping your hips to get you into a steady rhythm. His cock slid so wonderfully past your wet opening, giving just the right amount of friction to your clit. You changed the angle of your hips and the next time you moved your hips forward, his tip lightly penetrated you. 

“Fuck, wait.”

Taehyung looked to the side towards his bedroom before cursing again. 

“You’re clean you said?” you asked, and Taehyung’s head snapped toward you. 

“Yeah…”

“I have a contraceptive implant.”

His mouth shaped into an “Oh” as he understood what your statement meant – and the implications it had. 

“We don’t have to, I can get a condom too.”

You didn’t miss the way he brushed his thumbs over your sides. To reassure you, or rather himself. 

“I don’t mind if you don’t.” You tilted your head and looked at him, waiting. It was his decision now, even if you could see from his expression that he had already made it. 

Then he nodded. “But I won’t last long.”

You snorted. He’d said that once before, after you’d had a particularly long foreplay. Still, he had managed to make you come twice. 

You propped yourself up on your knees and guided his cock to your opening before sliding down on it a moment later. Each time he stretched you anew with his considerable size and you took a moment to get used to it again. Meanwhile, Taehyung stroked your back, up and down your spine, until you began moving your hips backward. 

You let him slide almost all the way out of you before moving forward again. 

“Oh, Love,” Taehyung moaned, and at the nickname, your hips stalled.

Taehyung seemed to notice his slip of the tongue as well and slightly panicked, he looked at you. 

“Love?” you repeated, letting the nickname roll off your tongue. You didn’t think it was that bad…

“Do you prefer Baby?” 

You shook your head, because the longer that one word buzzed around in your head, the more you liked the sound of it. “Love is okay.”

“Just okay then?” Taehyung grinned, the tinge of panic gone again as he noticed your relaxed reaction. “Hmmm…” He left you with the false expectation that he was thinking when he suddenly let his hips snap upward. 

You drew in your breath sharply, followed by a moan. You didn’t know how he always did it, but he managed to hit the exact point inside you each time that made your abdomen contract so tightly that the knot already seemed ready to burst. 

He held you by the hips as he pounded into you from below. He squeezed your arousal out of you with each thrust and you felt both of your excitement running down your thighs, while his hands kept you upright and in place. 

“You–you’re so… so fucking wet and–and warm,” he pressed out with effort between thrusts. 

Loudly, you moaned his name. You didn’t care if his neighbors heard you, or the people walking by on the street outside who would surely have to hear how well Taehyung was fucking you. 

You raised your head, had you watched Taehyung’s cock split you apart before, and met Taehyung’s gaze. Your lips found each other in a passionate kiss and you pulled him even closer with desperate hands. One of his hands released its grip on your hips and landed hard on your ass. Your moan was swallowed by Taehyung’s mouth as he massaged the tender area.

You let one hand slide between your legs and circled your clit with your finger. The kiss was only interrupted by your moans as you were brought closer and closer to the edge of your approaching orgasm. 

“Taehyung–”

“I got you,” you heard him say, your eyes squeezed tightly shut as the knot in your abdomen released all at once and you came, clenching hard around Taehyung’s cock. 

Taehyung thrust into you a few more times before he too paused in his movements and pulled you back onto his lap entirely. His loud breathing mingled with yours as you both tried to come down from your high. 

“Oh, you’re absolutely incredible,” Taehyung said after a while. 

Your sweaty bodies had already melted into one and you felt Taehyung slowly go limp inside you. He sighed before pressing a kiss to your temple and gently lifting you from his lap with a firm grip and laying you backwards on the sofa. 

He helped you clean yourself up, being so gentle that you didn’t even flinch as he wiped away the sticky remnant of both of your arousals. While he was putting the trash away, you grabbed your underwear and slipped them on. 

You were lifting up your T-shirt when Taehyung returned from the kitchen, a glass of water in each hand. His expression changed when he saw you getting dressed. Wordlessly, you extended a hand to him to gratefully took a glass. 

“Are you getting ready to leave?” He didn’t look at you when he asked that, but put exceptionally much focus on putting on his boxers as well.

You let him ponder for a moment longer before letting your shirt fall back to the floor. “Do you have anything more comfortable?”

Taehyung’s eyebrows drew together as he looked up. 

You nodded towards your shirt in response, which was crumpled on the floor. “Maybe sweatpants and a hoodie?”

Taehyung seemed to finally understand and his disappointed expression gave way to a relieved smile. “Sure, you want me to get you something?”

You took the few steps towards him and let your fingers dance on his bare chest. “I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie? Order some food and just wind down for the evening?”

He looked at you, the question on his mind visible all over his face. “Does that mean… you want to stay the night?”

You nodded without hesitation. “Yes, I want to stay the night, if that’s okay.”

Taehyung laughed, a hearty, deep laugh that you hadn’t heard in so long. “You bet it’s okay with me,” he answered, pulling you into a hug. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Love.”

Love. What a weird and funny little word.  

You couldn’t wait hearing it more often from now on.

. . . 

As always, if you enjoyed this story, please consider leaving me some feedback and letting me know what you think! That would mean a lot to me because I was really nervous to post this. Thank you! 💜

[tsunderedoctor]

Hiiiiii👋👋👋😘😘😘😘I LOVE YOUR WRITING SOOOOOOOO MUCH I CANT GET ENOUGH!!!! Its my first request i hope i do it right😕 soo can you do a scenario or headcanon for ASL when they see a friend that they maye in ther journey is now a slave for the celestial dragons...

Btw my English is soooooooo bad im SORRY 😭🙏😭

HAVE A NICE DAY😊☺💗💚💗💕💌🧡💖🖤💓❣💓💗💘💖💔

Aww!! I'm so honored you like my writing and I am your first request! 😭😭 Also, don’t apologize! Be proud of yourself and what you accomplish! I can barely ask for the bathroom in most languages!

Going to add a TW due to discussions of slavery.

Babes Below~!

Portgas D. Ace

It wasn’t everyday you run into a Celestial Dragon. They tend to keep to themselves, refusing to even look at a mere human, let alone breathe the same air. Ace never cared for their existence, and saw the beings as nothing more than garbage with a crown, a person who let a title go to their head.

He didn’t feel the to continue to watch the arrogant people and was about to leave, when he saw a familiar face. Though, it was covered and dirt and possible blood, he was able to recognize you in a heartbeat. 

His chest hurt, while questions roamed his mind, how did it possibly come to this? Almost as if his body was on autopilot, the brunet made a flame surround the Celestial Dragon and himself, making his presence known as ‘Fire Fist Ace”. 

It was almost pathetic how cowardly these people were, it made him question how they have so much power over the world. With a strong glare to the now cowering beast, Ace held his tone harsh and rough, showing no signs of wanting to negotiate.

“Let the slaves go and get out of my site, before I make an example out of you.”

Releasing the chain the being was holding, they nodded before making a swift run out of the now flameless streets. Watching the Celestial Dragon leave, Ace snarled before releasing the prisoners. Making his way to you last, he unclasp your cuffs before giving you his hand to take, smiling like the Sun itself. 

“What are you waiting for, let’s go!”

Sabo

It’s more common for Sabo to meet a Celestial Dragon than his brothers. Due to his nature in wanting to take down the World Government, it’s become quite common to see a few of those beast run away like rats. It makes him want to hate himself just a bit, but seeing them run away due to him, makes it a tad bit easier to sleep at night. 

Taking down another fortress of the Celestial Dragons who controlled a quiet sea town wasn’t too difficult. Heading out before any marines or brave enemies found him, he turned to head downwards, in hopes there was a bunker window he can break out from. 

Once he entered the downstairs cellar, he realized it was being held as a slaves quarters, if you could call it that. People being tied down to walls by their hands or necks, their feet chained to iron balls, giving them no rest for their weary joints.

Going through, he used his Armament Haki to break the chains of the slaves, helping them up one by one. He stopped in his tracks when he came face-to-face with you. His voice was caught in his throat, but he knelt down anyway, breaking your chains. 

“I don’t know what happened, but it’s over now.”

He helps you up and frees the other slaves, ushering for you all to follow him, as you made it to the bunker window, you swore the man was an angel with how the light shined down his back.

Monkey D. Luffy

He’s an eyesore, to the World Government. After his stunt at Sabaody Archipelago, they watched the growing captain with weary eyes and disdained glares. Those looks mean nothing to the rubber human, they only feed his fury and disgust for the world they run.

So it was no surprise to him or his crew, that he was here, punching the Celestial Dragon that had enslaved you and some others that had met him over his adventures, their statements for your crimes were just being close to him was enough to be slaves. 

Once a hand was placed on his shoulder was when the brunet finally let the passed out being go. He panted roughly and wipe the built up sweat off his face before standing up and walking towards you and the others.

“Sorry to have gotten you into this mess, but I promise, it won’t happen again, I won’t let any of my friends get hurt because of me, ever again!”

He and the others worked out your chains, releasing you all to taste freedom again. Rubbing your swore wrist, you went to thank the man, but stopped in your tracks as he went on to command his crew. Helping you all onto the ship and sitting with the others, it finally dawned on you why you were so speechless.

You were standing among a king.

Tag List: @chloe-nanami @musical-apple @luxiditea @macdonaldsmanager @onepieceya @undercoverweeeb and whoever else wants to join in!

[spiltscribbles]

Prompt: Pro Athlete Sirius because that my and Remus' kink

~Notes: OMFG VICTOrIA!!!! I FUCKING SCREECHED!!!! lkadfjlaksdgjoiaejfalskdgjioeugisfkldshg Yes tis my kink as well!!! And then I saw this from Nonny and worlds collided and BOOM! I hope you like this my love<3<3 You incredibly talented sugarplum!!! TBH I want to write a thousand more things in this AU XD

.-

FROM THIS LIST  |  Send Me A Prompt!💜 | A REBLOG MEANS THE GALAXY!!💜

.-

When Remus was young— surrounded by the light breeze of the Welsh coast and the harmony of birds chirping in the distance— he would follow his mother to their small garden behind their cottage  at the cusp of twilight as his father cooked their supper, and he’d watch as she laid flat all sorts of newspapers written in French and Arabic and English, watch as she brought her red pen against the ink and marked the articles with underlines and shorthand he wouldn’t understand for years still.

He asked her once, when he was barely eight years old, why she bothered to keep up with so many different publications, why she read the same story penned by countless perspectives when all the facts stayed the same at the end of the day. And he remembers how she had let out a quick, shrill of a laugh, tossing back her golden head while sucking in a puff from the bubbling hookah she had set up besides her— a habit she acquired from her Algerian, refugee parents, and one that became synonymous to those late nights in Remus’s eyes.

“Facts can be wielded to someone’s personal vendettas, Remus John,” she had crooned in that adoring way of hers whenever she spoke to him— honey eyes that were the same color and shape to Remus’s own flashing alight and their matching smiles going crooked in her stunningly beautiful face. 

“Oh.” Remus had replied, still confused as all get out but was perfectly fine with just holding his small vigil, watching her beneath moonlight and the soft glow of their outdoors lamps, as he listened to the shuffling of papers while she commenced this odd quirk. 

It’s a decade and a half later—  as his editor for the Phoenix, a small, but bustling online editorial that plans on dethroning the likes of Politico and Vox in only a matter of years, scans his latest findings on the corrupt boosters linked to MP Avery from Leeds— when Remus thinks he suddenly understands what his mother, with her keen eyes and pixelated air, had meant by facts in how they can be colored differently simply by the words surrounding them. And he wonders if one day soon, one of his bylines will join her little stack of stories, if she’ll be proud of him even if she says as much even now, when he’s a lost twenty-something stumbling through life in the capitol and barely making it as is, between his actual job and the gig he has at the coffee shop nearest his dingy flat he shares with three other blokes.

“Mmm, this is good, Lupin,” Dorcas declares after what feels like an eon, dropping her long, dark legs from where they were lounging leisurely on her desk and scuffs out her cigarette in a pretty, glass ashtray. “Send it over to Flores to look into deeper, maybe it’ll corroborate the info she’s already gotten from her sources.”

Remus feels himself bristle, hopes that it doesn’t show, that his face stays passive as he contends, “I think I should at least help her write the expose, I’m the one who got this bombshell.”

“That’s not how it works, sweets,” Dorcas toots, tossing back her dark head of curls as she rises, perching on the corner of her desk delicately and looking down, straight into his gaze. “I know it’s frustrating, but you’re fresh blood. barely six months here, but Alice has been with us for years. This is her baby, and we’re just here to nurture it.”

“So I’ll have to wait another ten months, at least,  to get the same treatment?” He argues in an admittedly petulant way, making Dorcas laugh endearingly, and Remus is suddenly,  searingly reminded of his age, and how he’s the youngest staffer that this London based news outlet has on hand. 

“C’mon, love, it won’t be that long for someone as sharp as you, just be patient, and don’t try to pull a Zoe Barnes on us, yeah? You’re far too pretty to clean up on the rails of  the tube.” Dorcas tousles a hand into his dark tawny curls, and Remus holds back the roll to his eyes that he feels willing up inside of him as he stands fully.

“Thanks Cas.”

She smiles beatifically, and throws him a wink. “You’re joining Emmy for the report tomorrow on those United footballers and their fundraiser for the hospital, yeah?”

“Bright and early,” Remus replies, still feels a bit miffed that he was chosen to write up the charity function, considering he doesn’t know a lick about football and doesn’t really get on with anyone who does. But Caradoc— their typical sports reporter— is out sick with the flew, so it’s on him. “I’ll have it on your desk early enough so it’ll be published by tea time.”

“Good man,” Dorcas says in thanks, picking up her crowing cellphone before waving him off.

Remus isn’t all that surprised when he strides out of the office only to find Benjy Fenwick sitting against the opposite wall, knees pressed to his chest and quickly scrambling up when he catches sight of Remus. Sometimes it’s impossible to believe that the bespectacled man in front of him is one of the top editors for the Phoenix, that he’s a regular corespondent for places like the BBC or CNN— that his rebukes against the piss poor inquiries waged during PMQs have become more anticipated than the sessions themselves. Remus tends to forget all of that when he sees him like this, messy haired and wearing a graphic T-shirt with some marvel superhero embossed on the front. “Wotcher Remus.”

“Hiya Remus says, smiling softly and rocking back on his heels. “You wanted to talk to the sergeant then?”

“Huh? Oh, no, no. I didn’t want to talk to Dorcas, I just— Erm, I know you were showing her that stuff you got from that intern, Pettigrew, and i know you were chafed about not getting any opportunity here so—“ He trails off, scratching the back of his head and studying a point over Remus’s shoulder, and it’s all too endearing, and Remus is so beyond thankful he’s made such a good friend here.

“No cigar,” he says in answer to the unspoken question, shrugging noncommittally even if he feels like shit over it.

Benjy nods, face contrite in a way that tells Remus he never thought it would’ve went otherwise. “I’m sorry, that’s bollocks.”

“’S whatever,” Remus shrugs off the apology, begins walking down the hall and straightening his report to hand over to Alice. 

“Ah,, erm. We can get a drink, yeah? In commiseration,” Benjy offers, and Remus stilts only for a beat before continuing the twisting trail to where Alice is set up with the more senior members on staff. And he feels only sorta bad about wanting to refuse. He knows that if he says yes, it’ll mean something different to Benjy than it does him, that he’ll probably take it as Remus finally giving into his pestering and deciding to actually go out with him, even if he’s refuted the other four times he’s asked as much. Remus’s simply just too busy trying to get a footing in this city, and trying to figure out where he’s suppose to go from here, and what he’s suppose to do. And yes, Benjy is cute— a complete Seth Cohen archetype. And he’s sweet and smart and funny enough. But Remus is really not in the mood for doing the whole flowers and wine and candle lit dinners shtick, had gotten enough of that while still with his university boyfriend. And yeah, he’s only just turned 24, but he already feels too old and too jaded for that sort of puppy love— even if Benjy’s got a good decade and some change on him.

Probably sensing his hesitation, Benjy is quick to rectify the offer. “I’ll ask Mary, and Fabian too, and a few others. We can make a night of it, just some drinks on a Friday after work.”

Stalling by the last turn to Alice’s desk, Remus looks at him from over his shoulder, and sort of hates himself for being such a soft hearted fuck sometimes. “Yeah Benj, sounds nice. Just let me know on the group chat, yeah?”

Benjy grins, much more genuine than his awkward quirk of the lips from earlier. “Yeah, good call, I’ll let the others know pronto.”

“Aces,” Remus says, tosses him a obligatory thumbs-up before finding an expectant looking Alice who’s tapping her foot impatiently.

Yeah, today is so bloody shit.

.-

Surprisingly, the round of drinks turns to another and then a third and fourth and Remus is currently nursing his fifth mango margarita on Benjy’s tab, and he actually feels lighter than he has since taking the job at Phoenix, feels bright and bubbling and like absolutely nothing could be wrong as long as he’s got this drink in his grasp and he’s sitting with the handful of reporters and photographers from the office that don’t all have sticks up their asses. It’s fun, it’s good. So obviously it couldn’t have lasted.

Mary is currently cackling about her Uber driver from last night who asked her all sorts of well meaning, but incredibly dense questions about her hijab— a freshly poured glass of coke in one hand, while the other is tangled into her girlfriend Emmy’s. And From his left Remus can hear Fabian ribbing Frank on his crush on Alice, while Benjy scoots intermittently closer as they watch Kingsley and Marlene sparring over something to do with a Kardashian or TikTok trend or whatever the fuck else— The guy has resilience, Remus has to give Benjy that.

��Right, who’s buying next?” Marlene asks, abrasive as ever while scrolling through her phone, ostensively finding something to prove her point against the managing editor.

“Reckon it’s my turn,” Benjy crows, standing up smoothly and glancing down at Remus with a nervous sort of half grin.

“Just a water for me, ta. I need to sober up,” Remus tells him, feels proud that he didn’t even slur slightly. Benjy bobs his head understandingly, and Remus turns to ask Marlene about her latest tinder hookup which always is a good laugh, but then he catches on it. On the sound of the pub’s doors flinging open, followed by a raucous crowd of athletic looking guys probably only a bit older than he is, clambering indoors. 

They’re all so very sixth-form, broad grins and slapping each other’s shoulders with jeers, topped off with loud, bark like laughter that makes it obvious to Remus that these wankers think that they’re some sort of group of gods amongst men, roaming around like everyone should fall to their feet and offer everything they have. It makes Remus roll his eyes so far back that it feels like he might’ve sprained them. They just give off this exhausting aura that reminds him of a past boyfriend in tenth year who was on the footie team and who’s favorite activity was either making Remus feel lucky enough to go out with someone so popular, or dragging him around like some sort of bloody trophy.

To put it nicely, Remus sorta hates them on sight. So when he sees one of the tossers— regrettably the brightest of the lot who’s all pearly teeth, and glittering eyes and incredibly impressive shoulders that tape off to a narrow waste in an objectively infuriating matter— swivels up to the barkeep and jostles Benjy on his way, well Remus doesn’t hesitate to dart forwards to tell him off.

“Oi, watch where you’re going, yeah?”

Benjy and the bloke who looks like he might moonlight as a model for Calvin briefs for when he’s not lounging in a yacht off the Tuscany coast, both turn to him at the same time. Benjy looking abashed, and the aforementioned tosser preening like the cat who’s just caught a canary.

“Sorry, love. Didn’t see you there,” he says in a delightfully deep tenner, giving Remus an appreciative once over, and Remus absolutely despises how the action makes him feel both thrilled and irritated. “Trust and believe, I wouldn’t have looked away if I saw you.”

“Not me, arse.” Remus spits back, refuses to pay any credence to how his cheeks have begun to flush. “You bumped into my mate right there, the one with the tray of loggers.”

The tosser darts his almost molten gray eyes over to Benjy for a sparing second before he laser focusses back onto Remus, the most phony expression of contrition all over his face. “Sorry to your friend,” he says the descriptor like a joke that no one else is in on. “Let me buy you a drink in sorry for the one I made slim here spill.”

Remus is officially unimpressed, hopes that his flat tone gets it across. “You’re an arse.”

“You’re mouthy,” he retorts, looks like it’s something he greatly appreciates— delights over even. 

“Ah, ’s fine Remus, really. I’ll just bring these back and get us a new glass.”

“Listen to slim, Remus, he’s got the right idea.” The tosser hurriedly interjects, strutting close enough to him that he makes it so Remus has to tip his head back just slightly so not to drop his gaze. “I’m Black, Sirius Black, just to get the pleasantries out of the way.” His leer tells Remus that the name should probably evoke some response of aw into Remus, but all it does is make him sound so egregiously pretentious that Remus wants to smack his own bloody head against a dry wall and stay in the hole until this ruddy Sirius bloke leaves him the hell alone.

“Good for you,” he says instead of all of that, and spots Sirius’s friends from behind Sirius chuckling and elbowing one another. Evidently this is a line the tosser uses frequently, and Remus is pleased that he might be one of the first who aren’t at all impressed by the grandiose way he introduced himself.

“Hah, you know I’m use to the pretty ones playing hard to get, but I’m really feeling here that you’re not exactly liking my company, love.”

Remus sucks in a frustrated breath through his nose, shouldering past Sirius and taking the tray of drinks from Benjy before storming back to their table where the others have begun openly gawping at the scene— Marlene outright squawking with Fabian just as Remus takes his seat.

“Don’t,” Remus warns them all as he silently says fuck off to the water and instead gargles down one of the loggers. And if he has to steadfastly not turn around for the rest of the night towards where he can feel Sirius’s gaze burning into his back— well then so be it.

.-

The next morning, Remus has to puke twice into the toilet, and gulps down three aspirins just to stave off his bloody hangover from the night before where he decided that getting properly sloshed would prove as a good technique to not end up making out with Sirius in some dark corner— or regrettably the backseat of his car. And if he does still remember flashes of ranting to him about how insufferable preppy, rich boys actually are while Sirius gazed at him endeared— well Remus just decides to purge it out along with the stomach acid. It’s not like he’ll ever see the douche again.

.-

He meets Arthur— one of the accountants who also helps out by taking photos for more low key news stories— outside the hospital where the conference will be taking place with the Manchester United team. There was a scrimmage that they all played with some of the kids in the cancer ward that occurred at around eight in the ruddy morning, but thankfully Remus didn’t have to show up until an hour later when the team presented their big shiny check, to the big, shiny hospital. 

However, Arthur has been here for hours, so he’s beyond chirpy and looks like he’s downed three cups of espresso as he chatters on about his son Percy starting secondary school, and his eldest, Bill, getting an award for his reading prowess, and all the strange craving his wife has been having throughout her pregnancy with the twins they’re expecting any week now. And Remus loves Arthur, he does— one of the sweetest folks he’s ever met— but God, his head is still thrumming from those misguided tequila shots and he really just wants to get his three quotes, and write up the story so he can find refuge back in his sheets.

While Arthur has moved to talking about his wife, Molly’s, plans to open up a daycare in their refurnished garage, Remus scans his eyes over the familiar face of reporters from other outlets who look just as bored as him, and then to the stage where a woman in a sharply pressed suit is ushering for the group of football stars to join her, so that the conference can finally fucking begin. 

And Remus thinks that their faces are sorta familiar, probably from all the publicity they get on the telly— but then he freezes as he stops at one of them with dark brown skin, and thick rimmed spectacles— and he suddenly can hear him chatting about his redheaded girlfriend and drunkenly declaring that she’ll be the mother of his children some day soon. So he completely expects it when his stomach drops as he moves his glance just a bit to the right, being struck by pearly teeth, and glittering eyes and incredibly impressive shoulders that tape off to a narrow waste, made all the more infuriating by the tight kit he’s got on and the blazing number twelve splayed against his chest.

And fuck.

Remus runs through about a dozen scenarios in which he can make a discrete, or not so discrete exit before he notices him, but in tandem to his spiraling thoughts, the wanker actually looks forwards, and like a creepy metal detector, his quick silver gaze pinpoints onto Remus.

They stare at one another for a beat before his smirk goes wolfish, and he runs a hand through his artfully tousled hair in a way that practically screams, fancy meeting you here. And holy fuck he looks so mouth watteringly attractive with that faint film of sweat running down his neck, and how his smile pulls slightly more to the left, and how he’s looking at Remus like he’s his birthday and Christmas presents all rolled into one.

Remus suddenly hates everything— but most of all hates Sirius, and how bloody fit he is.

“Oh, you’re a fan then?” 

Starting, Remus shifts around slightly so that he’s facing Arthur completely. “Pardon?”

“Sirius Black I mean, you’re a fan?” Arthur asks in that abrasively congenial and intensely scrutinizing way that he treats everything. “I mean he’s a great player, but I know you don’t really watch. So I bet it’s all that charity work he does, yeah?”

“Charity work?” Remus echos, feeling like a floundering fish.

“Truly some amazing stuff.” Arthur pontificates, rubbing a hand against his jaw as he tips his head back. “I mean obviously I’m partial to the fundraising for Reporters Without Borders, but of course the things he does with the more impoverished kids is great. And I know Molly likes his very outspoken posts about being anti war and his annual live streams to earn money for refugees in those war torn nations, like the last one he did for Syria?”

“Oh—“ Remus says, feeling like his head is being overrun by a fountain of new information.

“Yes well, you don’t usually see athletes get into the thick of it with political issues, but I reckon he never really minded. I mean the fact he’s the first football star from United to have come out without any fanfare really proved that. Oh, I think they’re starting, I should probably get some photos before Dorcas gives me a tongue lashing.”

And as quick as the flash of his camera’s lends, Arthur is using his considerable height to get to a more advantageous spot towards the front, and leaves Remus in the dust, as if he hasn’t just obliterated his every assumption of Sirius from after that initial meeting.

And unbidden, the words his mother had told him so many years ago, about facts and how they can color a situation just simply based off the person who’s speaking them— flood to the forefront of his mind.

“Fucking hell,” Remus mutters lowly, gets jostled by Greengrass, a hawkish reporter from a rivaling publication who always has on the most wickedly sharp acrylic nails, and perfectly quaffed curls— as she waves around her certification to speak her inquiry.

“My question is for Potter,” she announces when the woman leading the event, McGonagall, points her way. “And I was wondering how early you boys have to rise for training during the season? And how intense the sessions are that Coach Hooch puts you guys through?”

Potter, the one with the redheaded girlfriend that Remus heard so much about last night between his ranting at Sirius, parts his lips, but it’s not his voice that ends up reverberating through the outdoors space. Instead, it’s Sirius, who’s shouldering him with a goading air, obviously expecting his comment to have only ended up in Potter’s ear and not caught by the mike.

“I wonder if Lupin will let me wake up with’m so he can let me get some real training done before practices, eh?”

And just as soon as his words pitter off, the entire crowd drops to a hush— quiet enough so that they could probably hear it if a pen dropped. 

Sirius’s handsome face— strong jawline, and broad but sharp cheekbones, and a long, narrow nose— goes suddenly ashen, and he flashes over to Remus as if he’s terrified that he’ll bite his face off.

God, what an idiot.

With a long suffering sigh, Remus plucks out the microphone from a slack faced Greengrass’s hand. “We can discuss the regimen afterwards, Black. Just meet me by the front doors and let your mate answer the bloody question.”

Everyone around them falls into laughter that’s caught between uncomfortable chuckles and amazingly amused cackling, but the only person Remus is paying any mind is Sirius, and how he seems to have gone absolutely incandescent, nodding electrically before miming the zip of his lips and gesturing for Potter to carry on.

Jesus help him, Remus has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.

.-

~My Wolfstar FIC Masterlist

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[warriorteam1924]

Shooting Star – Part 2

John x Veronica

Author note : Hello my beauties. I’m quite proud to be able to be posting this one. At last lol. At first, I thought I could include it in the Johnica week, but it clearly cannot fit in there. This story took time to get figured out, for the plot to mature, for the writing itself to be done. I’m not sure it’s something anyone expects, but this is what I wanted to do. I hope some of you will enjoy it anyways. Thanks in advance to anyone who will be giving honest feedback, it’s always very appreciated. And thanks to those of you who already gave a very good support to this, it does mean a lot. Also, I remind you English isn’t my mother tongue, apologies in advance for the mistakes.

Warnings: Mentions of sex, even if it’s not as descriptive as in the first part. Mentions of a sad past, a bit of depression. Intense feelings, good and bad. Please be aware this is a mature writing, not only because of sex intercourse, but also regarding the matters it’s dealing with.

Summary : A man and a woman, named John and Veronica. Feelings, love. Ups and downs. Real and raw.

Words count : 3,277 words

 Permanent tag list : @reavenedges-lies @thosequeenboys @born-to-lose @orionis8689 @queenlover05​ (please feel free to let me know if it’s now useless to tag you, i wouldn’t want anyone to feel like they have to read anything i might be posting. unwanted tags are as annoying for me as they are for you seriously. please communicate)

Part 1 is here 

 It was a lovely afternoon like many others in the seaside county of Dorset. Winter was no more and the weather was surprisingly very mild for the season. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. Spring was everywhere, as the trees were blossoming again and the colors of the flowers were stunning.

 Veronica particularly enjoyed going to the beach, even if it was for a short moment. The sound of the waves, the sun’s reflection on the sea, creating a contrast of colors, it really was a nice day.

 A day she perfectly recalls. An ordinary day that turned out to change many things in her life.

 After her day at work and a car ride along the cliffs, enjoying the fresh breeze and the amazing view, Veronica headed back to the city center. It was a Friday and all she had to care about was how she was going to spend her weekend. Of course, given her personality, it was very unlikely to be fancy days with thrilling nights. She usually would enjoy some time on her own. Peacefully, quietly. Doing whatever she wanted to do, trying to leave her worries behind and taking care of herself. Her weeks were typically very busy, between work and the house chores. Sometimes meeting with friends as well and having a drink. She liked this life, this routine, when she felt like most things were planned and under control.

 It was Friday and it was late afternoon. Before heading back home, Veronica thought about going to the local music shop. Maybe they would have some new records she could add to her collection. And if not, she was always happy to talk with the owner, he too, was an absolute music enthusiast.

 The familiar doorbell rang as Veronica entered the shop, an entertaining melody already pleasing her ears. The smell of the wooden instruments kindled her nose and mind. She wasn’t a musician and she always regretted not being able to learn to play any instrument when she was younger. Although it wasn’t too late since she was in her thirties, she felt it would be too hard for her to learn and play. She knew she wouldn’t have the right dedication to do it properly. As a result, she liked to spend some time in her local music shop. She liked to glance at the shining instruments, touching the strings of the guitars, letting her hands wander a bit on the piano, even if she knew it would never end up being a harmonious melody.

 The shop owner was already busy with someone so Veronica just randomly wandered here and there between the instruments. She dreamily looked at the posters hung on the walls, with famous bands and some notable music composers. Not paying attention to her surroundings, she pumped into someone.

 “Oh my I’m sorry.”, she said at once, turning to face the stranger.

 “No problem, I was on your way after all.”, the man replied, lowering his head.

 “I should have been more careful. Are you okay?”, she gently asked.

 “All good, don’t worry.”, he said, this time daring to look at her.

 She looked up as well to meet his eyes and the two of them remained silent for a moment. As far as she was concerned, Veronica had never seen such a gentle and kind look. And yet, the man seemed lost and in pain.

 John looked at her in the eyes as well and he suddenly felt shivers in his members. He tried to quickly remember, but he was quite sure he never felt such a sensation before. The impression this woman before him was someone he knew, someone like a long-lost soul mate. Her eyes gave him an feeling of reassurance, as if standing next to her would ease his pain and heal his broken soul.

 None of them seemed to be daring to speak again, both slightly embarrassed by the way they were feeling and not really knowing how to carry on this awkward conversation.

 Yet, Veronica recalls the shop owner came to them to see if they needed anything. She remembers the seller and the man started to talk about bass guitars and that she remained there, listening to them enthusiastically talking about this instrument, even if she didn’t know what it was all about. She could merely have carried on with her afternoon, but something, some kind of instinct, seemed to be telling her she was exactly where she was supposed to be. Some kind of voice in her head was suggesting she should stay right there, at this very moment. 

 Eventually, another customer came in and the shop owner left them on their own again.

 John couldn’t explain what happened at this moment, but he looked at this young woman and heard himself ask her if she wanted to have a drink with him. He recognized his own voice as he heard it, felt his lips and tongue move as he was pronouncing the words, but couldn’t figure out how this happened. It was as if his body was a puppet, no longer under his own will. 

 Veronica stared at him, a bit taken aback. She had no idea what was going on. She didn’t feel afraid or threatened by a wild and dangerous predator though. She was mostly surprised. Flabbergasted that such a man could be asking her out. And yet, she felt a smile appearing on her lips and a firm head nod.

 “I’m John, by the way.”, the man said, offering his hand for her to shake it.

 “Veronica.”, she replied with a sweet smile.

 The two of them thanked the owner and exited the shop. Veronica looked at John, wondering what his next move would be. Yet, John seemed lost, looking right and left, apparently trying to find an idea.

 “Well, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know this place.”, he confessed. “If you’d like we could go to a place you know and have a drink. My treat of course”, he hastily added.

 Veronica smiled and chuckled. Feeling over the moon, she took his hand and guided him. She led him to a hotel, but she knew the bar was really great and proposed a wide variety of drinks and other cocktails.

 Veronica recalls it was a quiet evening, despite being Friday night. The place was cozy and it had a nice atmosphere. The two of them ordered their drinks and sat in the corner of the spacious lounge. The conversation went very easily between the two of them, as if they had known each other for a very long time. It was easy going, pleasant. At times, the conversation was fun and light, and sometimes, it got heavier, both of them talking and sharing about more important and serious matters. A deep conversation suddenly switching to a guileless subject.

 The two of them carried on talking and talking, as if they needed to catch up with everything they had missed from the other’s life, good and bad. Time didn’t seem to matter, it was as if they were in a bubble together. The two of them felt safe inside their own world, with nothing and no one else in the universe to part them.

 At some point, the bar started to empty, as the residents of the hotel were going back to their bedrooms, their noise of their footsteps softened by the thick carpeting in the corridors. Yet, John and Veronica remained where they were, facing each other at a table in the corner of the lounge. Away from everything and yet, so close to the other.

 Eventually, the barmaid quietly got closer to them, letting them know the bar was about to close. The two last customers startled, suddenly getting back to reality, both looking around to see that they were the last ones in the vast lounge.

 As they walked to the corridor, there was a moment of silence, none of them knowing what to say. Veronica was the first to speak again.

 “Well, maybe you’d like a ride…. home?”, she asked, hesitating.

 John looked at her, smiling.

 “Well, it’s a small world, but this is my home tonight.”, he replied with a smile, taking out a hotel card from his pocket.

 “Oh, so I guess….”, Veronica said, heavily blushing.

 She knew it was more reasonable to go, to get back home. Yet, part of her was screaming inside her guts, telling her she was just where she was supposed to be.

 John looked at her, knowing she was about to leave. What in the world could he do to keep her by his side, even for yet another second? He hoped no one could hear this voice inside his head that was screaming, desperately asking her to stay. 

 Then, it suddenly felt like he was witnessing this scene from an external point of view, even if he was perfectly aware he was looking at his own body moving. A gentle motion from his arm, his hand reaching out for Veronica’s. Bringing her closer to him. He felt he was heavily breathing, his heart beating faster than ever. His lips dangerously getting close to her. But she was showing no resistance at all, no reluctance whatsoever.

 In the middle of the corridor, their lips eventually met for the first time, and yet, it felt it only took them a few seconds to get used to this not so new sensation. It was as if they were bringing back old memories, as if at some point in the past, they had already kissed.

 They parted a few moments later, just to be able to catch their breaths. Inhaling heavily, they were still looking at each other, almost close enough to feel the other’s heart beat getting faster.

 Veronica recalls they carried on kissing in the corridor for maybe another minute and they naturally started to haste towards the elevator. Never before it had seemed to John a lift was so slow. He wanted her, he needed her. Eventually the door opened and they bumped several times on the narrow corridor’s walls, since they still were refusing to part their lips.

 John led Veronica to his temporary bedroom, hastily opening the door and throwing the card on the nearest table. Their lips still glued, they took off their vests, tossing them at random on the floor. They eventually collapsed on the bed, John on top of Veronica, his hands all over her, as if he was afraid she could run away or disappear.

 Their passionate embrace was suddenly stopped by a mobile phone ringing. John sighed and looked at Veronica, apologizing.

 “Just ignore it.”, he quietly said, this time not daring to look at her.

 “It might be important, you should check….”, she replied, caressing his cheek.

 John nodded and sat on the bed, answering the call. The young woman tried her best not to pry, looking away while the man was sitting on the edge of the bed, almost whispering. The call was very quick and soon, John put his phone on the bedside table, making sure to mute it for the rest of the night.

 The man passed his hand on his neck, trying to release the tension after this phone call. The young woman sat next to him, sweetly looking at him.

 “Is everything okay?”, she kindly asked.

 “Hum….”, John merely replied, nodding.

 “Good.”, she said, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

 There was an awkward silence between the two of them. John let out a loud sigh, mildly irritated.

 “I’m sorry. I should have put my phone on mute already.”, he apologized again.

 “That’s okay, we all have mobiles now, it’s hard to ignore them. I understand.”, she said, daring to put her hand on his.

 “It’s just…. Now I feel slightly awkward regarding…. What we were going to do….”, he explained, hesitating.

 “We can just take things slow. And if you feel like there is something wrong, then it’s fine.”, she reassured him, putting a soft kiss on his cheek. “We don’t have to do anything, if that’s not what you want.” 

 He turned his face to her and their lips met again, more gently this time. They carried on making out slowly, heat gradually rising in their bodies. A t-shirt was taken off, then a shirt. Then two pairs of pants. Socks and underwear as well. Two naked bodies becoming one in an intimate and loving moment.

 Veronica recalls the first night they spent together as if it was the previous day. The following morning, she wondered what she was supposed to do. She tried to keep her feet on the ground. After all, the two of them had just met and even if the chemistry was already just magical, there were still many things she had to find out about him. And the other way around was true as well of course.

 She wanted to spend the day with him and talk more, maybe to see where this would go, where this relationship between the two of them would lead them. To know if it was just sex between the two of them, a passionate night, with or without regrets. None of them was drunk the previous night, but still. They needed to talk.

 Yet, this time, her phone rang, making John startle. She suddenly remembered she had to meet some friends soon. She very quickly dressed up, took a piece of paper to let John know how to reach out for her. Hastily gathering her belongings, she placed a quick kiss on his lips and disappeared without a word, leaving him a bit stunned.

 Veronica is holding her phone in her hands, dreamily looking through the window. Every notification makes her startle now. She misses it so much.

 She recalls how John sent her a first message and how it was the beginning of their wonderful exchanges. Both of them genuinely caring for the other when sending messages. Letting the other know how much they missed the other. Sometimes even sending more provocative messages, aiming at making the other heavily blush.  But most of the time, their exchanges were kind and soft, intimate and delicate, never failing to bring a smile on the other’s lips.

 But now, it’s no longer the case. Sometimes, it took John a bit of time to get back to Veronica. But she never complained about it. She understood he, too, had his life and his matters to deal with. Maybe she was being a bit naive, but she felt like it was who he was and how he was dealing with things. 

 So many messages and a few real encounters. John lived near the capital and traveled to Dorset from time to time. And every time, they met, but never at Veronica’s place. Sex wasn’t always what they had planned, but their encounters almost always ended up with their bare bodies intertwined.

 Until this fateful moment. This instant when Veronica actually felt her heart break. The moment when John came to meet her. And he was wearing a wedding ring this time.

 Veronica recalls she was on the verge of fainting, as if the world around her was no longer. Her sight was blurry, but maybe it was because of the tears. She heard everything John told her, everything he explained.

 He told her about his wife, about his family, about his kids. He told her about his lost wedding ring, that his wife found it again in an old box and that he no longer had an excuse not to wear it. John was telling her the truth, with the heaviest heart in the world.

 What to do? What to do?

 Veronica didn’t want to push him away. She just couldn’t. She knew she had feelings for him, and she was almost one hundred percent sure John had feelings for her too. Why was it so hard….? Why was this happening to them? 

 Their passion and their feelings were too strong and none of them could get used to the idea of not being able to see the other any longer. Their relationship became more than a secret, even if the two of them desperately wanted to spend each and every second of their life with the other. It worked for a few months it seemed. Sometimes John seemed more distant, but again, Veronica never complained. She just wanted him to stay with her, even if it was only partly. 

 Now, Veronica is at home, silent. Holding her phone in her hand, waiting for a message she knows will never arrive. John has been silent for weeks now. She knows it is the end, it’s over. And she feels terribly bad.

 She feels bad because she has the feeling John is in trouble because of her. He is completely silent now, and she has no way to get to him. She hopes he’s not having problems, or that he’s not in danger. She hopes his family is fine, even his wife. Of course, Veronica can’t say she holds her close to her heart, but this doesn’t mean she would wish her dead.

 She feels empty, as if she was nothing more but a mere body wandering here and there. Her thoughts are always troubled and she’s asking herself so many questions. And she knows only John has the answers. Her heart is bleeding and she has no idea what to do to heal the pain, or at least to ease it, even just slightly.

 She feels surrounded by darkness and sorrow. There is no light for her to cling to. There is no comfort, not a single glimpse of happiness. Nothing is making her smile, and her eyes are swollen because of the endless tears. 

 It seems to her she’s done everything wrong. Maybe she shouldn’t have told John she loved him. That she loves him still. Maybe she went too far, perhaps she shouldn’t have agreed to be his mistress. Maybe she should have refused this very first drink. Perhaps she should have headed directly back home that Friday. 

 Veronica hates this fate, this destiny that led her to meet such a great man, giving her a glimpse of happiness to very quickly take it away from her.

 She sighs as tears are falling on her cheeks. And she bitterly lets out a laugh. None of this is surprising. She thinks to herself the blame is fully laying upon her shoulders, she’s totally responsible for this situation. She should have been more careful before falling in his arms, before falling for him. Now she’s punished, she believes, and she deserves it.

 She loves music so much, and now every song breaks her heart, because every song seems to be about him now. Her heart is bleeding, because they never said goodbye. They probably never will. 

 Veronica is walking in the streets, her feet guiding her to her destination. She’s not even looking around her like she used to. Nothing matters to her, she’s just existing.

 A car stops to let her cross the street. She doesn’t look up and carries on walking.

 Inside the car, the woman on the passenger’s seat isn’t paying attention to what’s going on. She’s looking at the back seats where her sons are having an argument and she is trying to calm them down. The driver remains silent as well.

 John feels like he just had a sheer heart attack as he recognizes the woman he loves crossing the street, just before him.

 Guess it's too late to say the things to you

That you needed to hear me say….

[adaodinson]

Little bird

Hi! So, it´s been a while since I posted a fic, I apologize for that. These past months have been… weird, to say the least, but now I´m back :)

I recently finished watching Daredevil and Punisher, so of course I have to write for Matt and Frank. I´ve had this idea stuck in my head for a while so here it is, I hope you guys like it. And yes, I recommend all the songs and artists that I mention in here.

Summary: An interest thing about you gets Matt´s attention enough to want to know more about you, but also to be nervous to actually do so.

Warnings: Nothing, I think, just mentions of pain but it´s muscular so… and well, English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

Relationship: Matt Murdock x gender neutral!reader

You knew moving into a new city (especially one like New York) would be tiring, you knew it would take a lot of mental and physical effort, but this was ridiculous. You had been trying to carry that stupid table upstairs and were halfway when you felt your back couldn´t take it anymore, the table wasn´t big or anything, but it was quite heavy. You had been carrying things inside all afternoon, so it made sense for you to be this tired. You had started off at a reasonable hour, when the sunlight invaded the windows and spread to all corners; now, the only source of light were the weak lightbulbs that hung from the ceiling, and it was getting harder and harder to focus on where to place your next step not only due to your aching legs and back, or the poor illumination, you also started to feel the rush of the other residents getting home from work.

You had only seen your neighbor twice: the day you arrived to take a look at the apartment before buying it, and the one time it took you a while to find your keys and open your door so you bumped into each other on the hallway. You knew his name was Matt, and he knew your name as well, he also knew where you came from, but that was about it. He seemed like a nice person, he was definitely handsome, but there was something about him that you couldn´t quite place your finger on that made him… intriguing.

You had only been living there for about a week, and had had no time to rest or even think for more than five minutes, but what you missed the most was taking your singing classes, or at least getting to seat down while playing games on your phone and sing along to your playlist. Singing was one of your passions, you weren´t amazing at it, but decent enough. You sang all the time: while cooking, while showering, while working, all the time. It made you happy, helped you relax, you just loved it.

As you carried your table through the final stair block, your mind drifted to the next song you would want to practice with your teacher (she was from the same place as you were, and you decided to keep taking classes with her through Skype or FaceTime). It could be “Without you” by Air Supply, ooor Wherever you go by Lola Lennox. You were so immersed in your thinking you didn´t realize you had stopped moving, or that Matt was standing beside you, waiting for you to keep walking.

He was between amused and confused, he could feel in your heartbeat you were happy but tired, he could sense you weren´t moving and also the fact that you were carrying something. He thought you might be resting a bit, but you were only three steps away from the top so that wasn´t it. He cleared his throat in order to make you aware of his presence, and that simple gesture took you out of your thoughts like a lightning, so suddenly that you almost fell on your back. Good thing you didn´t.

-Matt, hi! I´m sorry! I´m sorry! Wait a second- You said as you hurried to walk upstairs, leave the table in front of your door and go back to him. He giggled softly, it was the cutest sound you had ever heard.

-Again, I´m sorry, I got lost in my thoughts. Here, I left the table I was carrying in the hallway so let me help you get to your door- You said as you placed your arm near him for him to notice it and grab it. He did so.

-Thank you Y/N, and you don´t have to worry or apologize, we all get lost in thought sometimes- He said as you led him to his apartment avoiding your table.

-Yeah, I guess we do-.

You got to his door. He opened it, said goodnight kindly and walked inside. Normally you would have wanted him to stay outside with you and talk for a while, but it was not hard to see he was just as tired as you were. You headed inside your own apartment and settled the table in it´s place. You gazed around the room feeling proud that you had managed to put everything inside. For all the bigger things of course you had had help, but the rest were up to you.

You sighed and felt all your body parts urging you to drop to the floor and sleep, you could feel your arms and legs trembling and that familiar knot in your muscles after making such efforts. You headed straight for the bathroom, needing a shower more that anything. In the past few days, you had only showered for the sake of being clean, but not to actually enjoy it. You had to rush and hurry, but now, you took your time to choose the songs you wanted to listen to, humped in and sang your heart out.

The walls of the apartments were thick, so it was really hard to hear what was going on in other rooms, but for Matt this wasn´t a problem. He was reading in his couch when he heard a small hint of a familiar song: “Rock DJ” by Robbie Williams. He made an effort to hear it more clearly, and that´s when he reached it. He distinguished your voice singing along to the song. It wasn´t the best voice he had ever heard, or the most tuned, but it was his new favorite one, it definitely was beautiful. There was something about your passion, your heart being poured into each word you sang that filled his ears like the strong smell of a chocolate cake fills your nose. He couldn´t get enough of it. Even when you sang out of tune, when you ran out of breath, when you failed at singing a difficult note. Also when your breath was just enough, when you hit a hard note like a baseball player hits the ball. All the time, no matter what you were singing or how you were singing it, he found it impossible to focus on anything else.

It became his “ritual”. You had started taking your classes again, so when he learned the time and day you took them, he would try to get home in time to hear you. Queen, Air Supply, Pink, Erasure, Rick Astley, Måneskin and Adam Lambert were the artists and bands that you sang the most, and through you he had found new songs that he adored and re-found old songs that he considered golden. Many times he walked over to the door, ready to compliment your singing after you finished a class, but, what would he say? That your voice had become his favorite sound? How would he explain how he could hear you so clearly? He just couldn´t. Every time he felt ready, with the right words at the tip of his tongue and ready to escape, doubt filled his mind: What if you found him creepy? What if you don´t want to be complimented? What if he said something stupid?

Of course, thinking that you wouldn´t enjoy hearing compliments on your singing was a stupid thought on it´s own. You enjoyed singing so much, but you were quite insecure about it as well. It was really hard for you to sing in front of other people, especially for the first time, and every time anyone complimented your singing, not only did you remember that person forever, but also it always made your day. Oh, but hearing a compliment from Matt, that idea sounded so perfect it didn´t even cross your mind. The gorgeous, nice and mysterious guy from across the hall complimenting you… not even in your daydreams. But just like they say, there is a first time for everything.

Matt was so immersed in the conversation he was having with Foggy, he didn´t stop to hear your heartbeat, to know if you were home. You were.

-I´m telling you, Foggy. It´s just magnificent, the passion and heart they pour into their singing, it´s beautiful. And now I know their class is at 8 every Wednesday, so when I get to be at home at that time it just makes the rest of my week- Foggy had rarely seen his friend this passionate about something, and he was really happy for him, but he wondered why he didn´t try to get to know you. If he wanted to find a good reason for him to hear your singing with you knowing he was, why didn´t he just become friends with you? All his questions were answered when you opened your door with the brightest smile Foggy had seen in a long time.

-Do you really think that, Matt?- you asked almost shyly. Matt froze for a second and then turned around slowly to face you. After seeing that tiny interaction, it was more than clear to Foggy that his friend wasn´t only interested in your voice, he was interested in you.

-Well, yeah, I mean, it´s always very pleasant to hear you- he said with a shy smile.

You were so happy you didn´t even stop to think before embracing the man in a tight hug. You could feel tears ready to exit your eyes and fill your cheeks, but you held them back. He hesitated before returning the hug. You both felt as if your missing puzzle piece was being taken away from you when you parted.

-You have no idea how much it means for me to hear that, especially from you- you couldn´t control that last part.

-Well, hi. I´m Foggy, and I was just leaving- Foggy said happily as he turned around ready to leave.

-No wait! I´m sorry, I´m Y/N. You don´t have to go, I just…-

-Nice to meet you Y/N! And don´t you worry, I´ll get to talk to Matt tomorrow at work, tonight you two should go out for dinner- Foggy answered with a smirk.

-Did you just ask them out FOR me?- Matt said, trying to sound offended.

-Well, someone had to do it- he said with a wink and left.

-Mmmm, I heard about a great Chinese place a few blocks away, if you are up for what your friend proposed- You said trying to measure Matt´s reaction.

-I love Chinese, let´s go, little bird- Matt said as he extended his arm for you to grab. Both of you with the biggest smiles either of you had had for a while, including the one you had when you heard his compliments. Oh, and the smiles would go on with you two, that´s for sure.

[iwhishtomeetinournextlife]

An anonymous lover (part 6)

Summary : Y/N sees Sirius Black running away after a particularly rough letter from his mother. She wants to cheer him up and decide to send him a letter, anymously, she knows how much he hates her house.

Warnings : Slytherin!Reader, female!reader, not proof read, panick attack

Word count : 2k

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - You're here - Part 7

English is not my first language, sorry if there is any mistakes

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Y/N didn’t go to class, she felt like shit, completly like shit. She was in her bed, rolled in her blanket, looking at nothing, the argument with Sirius playing in her head over and over again. Tears would have rolled down if she hadn’t cried all of them already.

She simply couldn’t believe it, a part of her wished so hard that was all a nightmare. But she knew it wasn’t, she had let her guard down and had been stabbed a million time by the very person she had trust enough to tell all of her being.

She hated how much this impacted her, she should be used to it by now, shouldn’t she ? It wasn’t like student from other house hasn’t already told her all those things ; “monters”,”abomination”,”shame”... It wasn’t rare for slytherin for being bullied just for bieng slytherin, most of them have built up walls to protect themselves.

She even got comment from other slytherin, the bad one, those who gave a bad name to this house, on how she doesn’t deserve to be here, that the Hat had made a mistake, because surely there was no way “a dumb”, “snoflake”, “less than nothing” had ended up in the house of the greatest wizard of the magic world !

All their insults started to spin in her head, she had tried so hard to not let them get to her but Sirius’ comments just validated them. They were right, she was a shame, to her house, to this school, probably to her family and friends too, why would anyone wants to be with her anyway ?

She started to feel herself suffocating in her duvet, so she took her blanket off. Her hands were trambling, hearts pounding faster than an hyppogryff at full speed, she could barely breath and started to panick even more. It wasn’t the fisrt that happened to her, so she tried to remember Madam Pomfrey’s advices.

She closed her eyes and focused on her breath, trying to gain control back, it took many tries, but after minutes who felt like hours, she was able to breathe properly. She sighed in relief, and for a few minutes, just looked at the floor, debating with herself of what to do and letting her time to recover from what just happened.

She tapped her thigh vigourously and stood up, she wasn’t going to let a heartbreak lead her life ! She was going to take a nice shower and get into comfortable clothes and get out of her room !

After cleaning herself up, she still didn’t feel like going to class, fearing of a new break down, so got dress, she took some school supplies and went to the slytherin common room, it was dark, with tall walls and big windows to have a look in the Black lake. Mermaids came sometimes, communications was a bit hard but it was kind of fun to bound with these creatures, she loved watching them swin, it was mesmerising.

She sat down on a window seat, were cushion had been placed and as well as a tray for those who –just like her- wanted to study. This would give her the possibility of being productive despise not going to class, and avoid thinking of Sirius for a while –she did let her potion books and notes in her bedroom just to be safe-

After a few hours, she was proud of herself for all the work she had done, all her homeworks were done, and she even took the time to do studies in advance, she had not think of Sirius that much, and was now looking at the lake, some mermaids were playing together a bit further, it was hide to see since the water of the lake wasn’t clear but if you focused enough, you could see it.

But she was took out of her observation when she felt a tap on shoulder, when she looked it was Collins, the prefect who guide her back to the common room last night. She was so overwhelmed yesterday, she hadn’t took the time to look at him, she hadn’t realised he was a fellow slytherin. She didn’t care much of her house structure if she was honest, she had no idea of who was headboy or girl, prefect or member of the quidditch team.

She took a good look at him, he was tall with blond curly hair and dark eyes, quite cute actually. But then it hit her, was she in trouble for skipping class ? Shit, had she missed McGonagall detention ? So she just at him, waiting to be reprimand or something, but it didn’t happen, he just looked at her and then away, oppenning and closing his mouth, trying to say something.

She decided to end his suffering and spoke, “Yes ?” He hesitate a bit more before looking finally at her. “Are you.. Are you okay ?” This took Y/N by surprise, she wasn’t expecting him to worry about her, when he guided her back, he hadn’t said a word and clearly looked uneasy, she thought he would do anything to avoid her.

“Hum, well, yeah, thanks for asking.” An akward silence set between the two for a few seconds, Y/N decided to put her stuff away since she wasn’t going to study again.  “Do you need anything else ?” Collins jumped, surprised to hear her after the seconds of silence. “No.. I mean YES ! I … well..” he clearly didn’t know what to say, that’s adorable though Y/N. She motion him to sit down in front of her.

He did so and sighed, before slamming his hand on face, “Sorry, this is akward, I don’t know what to say”, Y/N laughed a bit “I can see that !” she teased. He became all the shade of red. “What about some presentation first ? I’m Y/N Y/L/N” she reached out her hand.

He smiled and shook her hand. “Benjamin Collins, but please, call me Ben” She nodded. “So, Ben, what else did you have to tell me ? “

He looked down at his hand, playing with his thumbs, “I.. I don’t know. After what happenned last night I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and when I didn’t see you at mealtime, I got a bit worried”. Y/N openned her mouth, it was her turn to not know what to say, that was just so sweet, she didn’t expect it from a stranger. But then her stomach gurgled and it was his turned to laugh. “I ‘m taking that into you didn’t eat yet ? Come with me, we’ll found you something”

And that’s how both of them went to the kitchen, the house elves were nice to make her a little something, and they talked for a few hours. Y/N learned he was a year older than her he was a muggleborn, he had a little sister he was really closed to, she didn’t turn out to be a witch too which made him quite sad but he was proud of her anyway. She spend such a good time with him, it’s actually him who had to remind her of her detention.

To not be late she had to run to her dorm to quickly change, not sure McGonagall would have liked seeing her in a casual outfit, and then she had to run to the classroom, whe she arrived just in time. There, she saw Sirius, who snapped his head at her when she got in clearly waiting for her. But before their eyes could meet, she turned her head and sat down as far as possible from him. It is only now she realised she hadn’t thought of him at all while she was with Benjamin.

He was about to say something but to Y/N’s relief, Professor McGonagall got in, “Perfect, I see you are both here, for your detention you are going to organise all of the books of this class in alphabetical order, without magic, of course” Y/N widen her eyes, there were a lot of books here, it was going to take forever.

Both her and Sirius got up and started to work, Y/N always stepped away the closer Sirius got to her. He eyed her every now and then but she ignore him completly, after a few minutes he looked to see if McGonagall was paying attention to them and when he saw she was busy, he spoke low to Y/N.

“Y/N ?” she ignored him, “Y/N ? Can we talk ?” she still ignore him, “Y/N, please”, she blessed him with a hard look and spoke irritated, “What”

Sirius felt himself getting smaller at her look, he did deserve that. “I’m sorry” she rolled her eyes and kept her work. “I really I’m Y/N, I-.. You didn’t deserve any of the words I said to you, I didn’t believe any of them I-” as he was speaking, she walked away, not giving a glare.

“I know, I know, you’re mad-” she was about to talk but he kept going, wanting to have the chance to finish first “-and I deserve your anger, but I want to make it up to you”

She finally talk, “It’s far too late for sorry, the harm is done, there is nothing you can do”

“There’ got to be something I can do ! Please Y/N”

“You want to make it up to me ? Organise those books so we can be out as soon as possible and stop talking to me”

Sirius frowned, and sighed “I will find a way Y/N, be sure of that” “Get to work, Black”. He grimaced when he heard her uses his last name, he will take a lot more than a simple apology to earn her forgivness, but he was going to make every effort, she was worth all of it. He will take down the moon and give it to her if that would make her talked to him again.

Once they stopped talking it took an hour and a half in total to finish it, Sirius did his best to be as efficient as possible, if she wanted to be out as quickly aas possible, she will. Once they had finish, she quickly excuse herself from Professor McGonagall and walked away.

Sirius sighed, putting his face in his hand. McGonagall walked to him and pat his shoulder, “Good luck Mister Black, you are going to need it”, he thanked her and went to his dorm.

He decided to analyse every letter she has send him, searching for all the things that could make her forgive him, making a list, putting on plans, with the help of the marauders. He had a pretty clear idea, it would take a couple of days to put in place, he hoped so hard it would work.

It was now time for dinner, he went with his friends, once at the table he search for Y/N at the slytherin table, his eye widen when he saw her sitting next to a boy he recognise to be the one who took her back to her common room yesterday. He felt his blood boil in his veign, she was smiling and laughing out loud. Wow, that laugh, he loved it, but he shouted dark glare at the boy, he wanted to be the one to make her laugh.

“Stop tarring” said Remus suddenly, making his friend jumped, “you don’t get to be jalous” Sirius groaned and let his head fall on the table with a hard thud, turning a few heads. “I know, I still don’t like it”

“She moved on fast” noted Peter. James shrugged a bit, “She’s a slytherin” he put his hands in the air when Sirius shot him an angry look, “Wha’ I mean is tha’ they are proud, she wasn’t goin’ to let herself down fo’ you”

Sirius sighed, he guessed that was a good thing ? He didn’t want her to be hurt because of him, but he felt bad for wanting her to care about him more than she does. He put that thought away, he didn’t get to wish for that when he was the one who pushed her away in the first place.

He looked at the two of them once more, clenching his fists, he had to make it up to you, and fast, or else he will lose you forever.

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@blackpinkdolan  @jentaculargums @bruxa0007 @deathkat657  @bleh-bleh-blehs @whiskeypowder @edithsvoice @weasleybeb @auggie2000 @the-mess-in-my-head @theincredibledeadlyviper

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I will be on vacation for two weeks with my family, I will probably not be able to update the serie for a while.

Thanks all of you for your support, your like, reblog and nice message, it really warm my heart and motivate me to keep going <3 Love you, have an amazing day